Zaxlog

Mood: Im at work, what do you reckon?
Listening to: Run baby run baby run baby run baby run...

Well fuck me backwards with a garden spade (thats a figure of speech all you weirdo fuckhead stalkers out there, not a request!)  Strange day, spoke to a long lost mate at lunchtime.  Thought he'd disowned me forever, but it turns out that his life is all roses at the moment so he wants to meet up.  Sounds cool to me.  Still just following the story of my life, never too sure whats gonna happen next but whenever a chapter ends, another one always begins.  Wonder whats gonna happen in this one??  I like the story analogy, feels like life is contained in a massive multi book series, all the different characters meeting, interacting, playing their parts.  I suppose that really its like one of those Fighting Fantasy novels seeing as we are supposed to be in some kind of control.  Did you ever use your fingers to keep places that you wish you could jump back to?  I used to run out of fingers!! Tee Hee, I think if life is like an interactive book, i've definately lost the dice!!

Mood: Massive dull grey boredom
Listening to: Trivium

(Insert Maniacal nearly over the edge laughter here) It won't leave me alone, theres nowhere I can go, nowhere to hide.  It looks very much like my ex-girlfriend but seems to be some space monster that has taken over her body and memories and seems to be using them to fulfill some unknown desires!! Oh well, nowt I can do but sit tight, be me and not worry about it. 

On a lighter note I did manage to sort out most of the media hell that is my life (lifetimes collection of music etc on hundreds of cds all around my living space) transferred it all to DVD, takes up a hell of a lot less space!! plus i now have loads of cds to give to my friends :-)

Other than that it was a complete non-entity of a weekend, this hibernation thing is really good!!

Mood: bored generally, but looking forward to the weekend which starts in 83 minutes!
Listening to: Light up, light up, As if you have a choice, Even if you cannot hear my voice, I'll be right beside you dear

Cant believe that its been so long since i updated this damn thing!! Better part of a year has gone by! Made lots of friends,lost some too, helped people get together, met girls(alllllright!!) drank lots, worked out loads, collected even more music, gave out loads too, moshed all night, made people laugh, laughed a lot myself (and at myself for that matter!). 

Decided on a course of action for life too.  Realised that im missing adventure, all this being a decent person and paying back debts might be good for the soul but im going stir crazy, bored outta my tiny mind with getting up and going to work in my meaningless life of seemingly never ending debt repayments.  Seeing as there isnt anything that i can think of that i really want to own (or want full stop!), why am i living a consumer lifestyle??  So decided to get a sailing qualification, jump on the next yacht heading outta here to another land and see what i can find!!  So all the time between now and getting the qualification im spending getting rid of stuff.  Started to feel like those people from labyrinth (the film with David Bowie in THOSE tights!) who have all their worldly posessions on their back,hmm I wonder if that was social commentary??  So if I have anything that you want, ask me for it, chances are you can have it for either nothing or a small contribution to the "Zax needs a bit of paper that says he can sail yachts" fund!!

 

Mood: wishing I had a time machine other than this body
Listening to: quiet people talking

Damn work, I hate it when I don't get a proper chance to write all day, makes me all crazylike!  Havn't done any proper writing all week.  Feel starved of my usual creative outlet.  Guess i'm just gonna have to go home and take it out on my guitar.  And I wonder why I never get any time to play computer games.....

 

I've said it before and i'll say it again, there just isn't enough time in life for a full time job.

Mood: torn
Listening to: customers whining

Why is it that some people seem so impervious to help?  I know that I am/have been guilty of this as well but in some way that seems to be different.  Why phone a helpline only to refuse the help that is offered to you?  Do the Samaritans recieve calls from people that then refuse to speak?  What would they do if they did? Would it be the usual "If I do not hear a human voice within 10 seconds I will disconnect the call."  What if a lonely mute person phoned the Samaritans just to hear a human voice because they were struggling with a terrible  depression.  The hard working and wonderful volunteers at the Samaritans would have no choice but to keep the line open just in case the caller decided to speak.  Either that or would they have to disconnect the call so that other needy folk could ring through?  It's certainly a conundrum and one that I am glad that I don't have to answer.  The people that phone me generally cant stop speaking for more than a second or two to draw breath before launching into another tirade of problems.  It's nice to feel needed. Ahh such is life!

Mood: Friday again, just been made permanent at work, just got paid, oh and did I mention it's friday!?
Listening to: Everyone talking as no calls are coming in!

"What, he told you which cream to use for that strange rash you have?" I questioned Tony. "No you fool" He replied, sounding a little like Mr T from the A Team. "He told me that the centrepiece of the exhibition is the replica vial of k'Ram, and he also told me that the security system in the hall where the exhibition is hosted has been taken away for cleaning (implausible I know but hey it's friday afternoon!).

Mood: on on on on on and ariston
Listening to: my brains dribbling from my overworked earholes

It was truly magnificent. The most beautiful and wonderous sight ever to utilise the bouncing of light to create the magic of sight to a set of human eyes.  Standing before me on a raised marble dias was a giant golden Platypus and not the usual duck-billed kind, oh no, this was one of the very rare, but strangely beautiful mammoth headed platypuses (platypi?) The plaque in front of the dias stipulated that the unfortunate Platypi (ah ha, so i was right) had stumbled blindly into one of the ancient molten gold pits of the tribe of Oon-Glark from the plains of polypenesia.  This particular creature had then been pulled out, set with precious stones and engraved with fanciful scenes of death and glory in battles of old.  I was struck dumb by the horrific beauty that the gold plated animal possesed and the sheer amount of effort that the tribesmen must have put into the carving of the effigy.  Tony was haowever less impressed with the vision of wierdness before me.  Ducking under the platypi's disproportionately large tusks he took a side passage from the main hall we were in and seemed to be following some innate sense of direction.  Naturally curious as to my colleagues hitherto unseen skill I questioned him as to where he was headed.  He replied, "Whilst you were drooling over that strange golden beasty, I went back to that friendly guard and asked him where the Euclidian pottery display was.  He was only too happy to help and told me exactly where to go.  Also he unwittingly gave me the answer to our problems"

More on the morrow dear single reader.!!

Mood: maybe its because im a londoner........
Listening to: workmates interesting "london" accent

I might just let John tell this part of the story, seeing as I was driving around with Julia at the time, trying to avoid the silvery mist of certain death that is the Beast of Drof-D'ar.  So, take it away John:

Well it was a dark and moonless night when Tony and I were dropped outside the Museum with mischief on our minds. (editorial note - It was the middle of the day, please excuse John and his tendency to over dramatise events) We crept up to the silent and apparently deserted building, all the lights were off and there was a chill wind blowing from the east.  Looking through the front door we could see that the museum was actually still open, perhaps there was some kind of evening function, or party occuring. (over dramatising? more like delusional! - ed) I brazened up to the guard, an elderly gentleman with a white bushy moustache who welcomed me with outstretched hand and a smile.  Was he attempting to put me off my guard? Was he secretly a highly trained hassasin, attempting to befuddle my mind with his cunning disguise and fiendishly false friendliness?  Was his open palm with it's wrinkles and liver spots really a weapon that could be used to kill or maim as the owner saw fit or perhaps it was laced with a delicate poison that would be harmless to the trined hassasin who had spent the formative years of his life building up a resistance to it, but deadly to any others that came into contact?  I considered these and other options for a moment before reaching out and skaking the mans hand.  "Welcome to the museum of Natural History, please feel free to look around, photographing is allowed but please don't take photographs of the staff." With those words of warning echoing in my ears (I had always suffered something terrible from tinnitus), Tony and I strode purposefully towards the first exhibition hall. Held within were magical wonders far and above anything that I had expected from such a small and tawdry museum. There was an ancient ephebian coruscle tusk, used in the 1st century for collecting the falling berries from the Krattratory tree. They were thought to give the person who drank the berry juice from the tusk the libido of an african rhino.  Other fabulous items included the first ever hydraulic umbrella built by one T.L. Erumbaum of Massachusets.  It worked fantastically as a weather proofer but unfortunatelt was a bit on the heavy side for day to day use.  Moving swiftly (you call that swiftly? - ed) through that exhibition to the next hall, I was greeted by the most awe inspiring and wonderful sight ever.

More from Johns awe upon the morrow.

Mood: home time, what do you think!!
Listening to: rustling sounds of coats being put on

On a lighter note(how can you get much lighter than a ridiculous story about a mythical beast?) I've started a wonderful new relationship. I find that I am having to be more supportive, but in return I am growing stronger inside.  My new partner is generally quite silent but it seems that most of the time there is no need for communication.  I can pick them up at will and they do not get irate if i only wish to spend an hour or so a night with them.  Sometimes I will go a whole weekend without seeing them, I never recieve any grief for this even though I never phone and explain my absence.  They never ask me where I have been if I come home late, or for that matter who I have been with.  They never cook or clean which suits me fine as I prefer not to burden others.  They do live with me but take up very little space and do not move any of my belongings around or use anything without asking.  They are generally very clean, never smell bad or anything.  They also constantly encourage me to better myself, but without making me feel guilty if I fancy drinking a few beers with my mates.  Talking of mates, they get on famously with all of my friends and I am so secure in the relationship that I don't even need to fear that they will run off and leave me!! The best relationshp in the world??

Mood: parteeeeeeeeeee,(in my head, gotta be quiet cos im at work)
Listening to: Sivertide - Heartstrong

"It was in the paper" said Julia breathlessly (she'd been watching the events in another vehicle).  "The answer to our problems".  "Well what is it then" said John (the as yet unreferenced and unused character in this silly little drama).  "The museum, they are hosting an exhibition of euclidean geometrical prisoner pottery.  The centre piece of which is an exact replica of the vial of K'ram!".
"Wow", exclaimed John, obviously getting used to his new role as a speaking character. "so how do we go about getting the vial and then trapping the beast inside without any harm coming to any of us?" 
Tony then piped up "well i think we should split that into two smaller problems instead of one big one, that way we can, in fine horror movie style, split up the main characters to follow the two separate but intrinsicly linked plots, increase the audiences interest, the intensity of the fear, and the likelyhood of one of the characters getting walloped good and proper by the bad guy/spirit/demon/beast."
"What ARE you on about?" prompted Julia.
"I'm not sure really," said Tony, "Sometimes I just open my mouth and words come out."
"Well I wish you wouldn't, it's quite unnerving" from Julia who had recovered from her earlier bout of breathlessness.
"I agree" said John in an attempt to up his speech quota in the story to hopefully stave off a painful and gory death at the hands of the Beast of Drof-D'ar as befitting a minor character in a schlocky horror movie.

I decided to interject at this point in an effort to get the story moving again as pointless asides were getting us nowhere.  What we really needed was some good old fashioned action.  I revved the engine of the Camaro, stuck it in first gear again, spun the wheel and we flew out of the layby, the back wheels spitting dust and gravel as we hurtled along the road.  As we drove I highlighted the plan to my compadres.  (Why they listen to me I have no idea, but it seems to work so i'm not going to knock it!) The main points of the plan went as follows: Julia and I would drop John and Tony off at the museum and then continue to drive around fast and aimlessly in an attempt to keep the Beast chasing us.  Meanwhile behind the facade of this deserted looking bookstore, oh, hang on thats a different story.  Meanwhile, John (who was, by the way, relishing his new found existence with a name and a speaking role and everything)  and Tony were to find a way into the museum, steal the replica vial of K'ram and escape to our hideout where we would all meet to work out how best to trap this infernal creature (and so put my tortured imagination to rest).  For myself and Julia the plan seemed to be most enjoyable though obviously necessary.  Driving around aimlessly would be one of my special powers were I to be mutated into a superhero by some strange toxic goo, and there's not a passenger seat in the world that Julia hasn't made herself comfortable in at some point or another.  For what happens to John and Tony on the other hand,. you will simply have to wait until tomorrow dear reader!!

Mood: missing someone i shouldnt be missing
Listening to: customers being annoyed!

Where were we?  Oh yes Julia had been idly flicking through the local rag whilst I had been reading the mail. Suddenly she jumped out of her seat and exclaimed "this is it! This is the answer we've been looking for."  Instantly all eyes were on Julia, who it seemed had frozen mid exclamation. "Look" she said, pointing at the door. We all turned to see the by now familiar silvery mist seeping under the door of the library.  Without further ado all of us jumped up and started running towards the secret exit.  The surprise on the checkout girls face was a wonderful sight as we all clambered out from the secret passageway under her desk.  Nothing however compared to the look on her colleagues face as four beleagured looking antiheroes jump up from between the legs of the assistant next to her.  Tony, being the last out of the hatch, slammed and bolted it behind us but we had no doubt that the beast would follow.  Things like doors and bolts not usually causing much of an obstacle for ethereal mists.  he only thing we could think to do was to keep moving as quickly as possible as the beast was obviously tracking us in some way.  Luckily for us there was a red Camaro parked outside co-op with the keys in the ignition and the engine idling.  Not that I would advocate casual theft, what with all the dangers that usually come with it such as broken noses and police records.  But this time it was an emergency.  Launching myself behind the wheel the others soon followed me in.  I put the vehicle in gear and stamped on the gas, leaving the co-op in a cloud of burning rubber smoke.  The tyres were screeching as we flew down the road. Looking in the rear view mirror I saw the Beast of Drof-D'ar come floating out of the co-op doorway, it started to drift towards the car but we were accelerating away from the shop at an unbelievable rate and pretty soon it was but a memory, and considering the general state of my short term memory it wasn't even that for long.  In fact Tony and Julia (and the hitherto un-named 4th character) had to remind me that we were escaping from a fate worse than death as I had slowed down and was happily gazing at the arrangement of trees and flowers in a nearby park.  We took the main route out of town and before long we were cruising through the devonshire countryside.  Due to the excitement of the escape we had forgotten the pressing news that Julia had uncovered in the newspaper.  Pulling over in a deserted layby (this in itself was quite a feat due to the increasing number of dogging couples, triples, quadruples that seemed to be searching for pleasure in the backs of other peoples vehicles on this fine and sunny afternoon.)

oh and the end of work again dictates that we will have to wait until 2moro to find out what Julia found in the local rag.

Mood: happy to be sharing!
Listening to: fingers on keyboards!!

http://www.blogigo.co.uk/zax/entry/21/beatday.jpg

Mood: Girls of the world ain't nothing but trouble
Listening to: nowt

http://www.blogigo.co.uk/zax/entry/20/GIRLSequalsEVIL.jpg

Mood: quiet and calm
Listening to: silence through my headset

http://www.blogigo.co.uk/zax/entry/19/heavenandhelldone.jpg

Mood: no laughing matter, like dark matter but better

http://www.blogigo.co.uk/zax/entry/18/JH1.jpg

Mood: much better now im back on the tablets
Listening to: the clicking and whirring sounds from the clockwork pidgeons in my head

 

When the pizza takes just too long to arrive!

http://www.blogigo.co.uk/zax/entry/17/diepizzaboy.jpg

Mood: giggling at pictures
Listening to: the bloody raquet in this office (tennis raquet that is, full of good stories if a little violent)

Puppys taste like chicken, does that mean chicken tastes like puppies??

Coders end!

 

 

Mood: finishing up
Listening to: cleaners cleaning

Well hows about that then, a blinding (almost literally) weekend with a bunch of mates.  I will continue the ridiculous story soon, i promise (myself)

Mood: laughin now!
Listening to: munching lunching sounds

2 Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike.

They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to
see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift. He tells them he
has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls but will
take a look at the bike for them. He tries everything he knows but is
unable to repair it.

Time is getting on now and he's late for his delivery so he tells the
scousers he has to leave.

"R hey lad" they say "gissa lift".

The trucker once again explains that he has no room as he is carrying
20,000 bowling balls. The scousers put it to the driver that if they can
manage to fit in the back will he take them and he agrees.

They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of
the wagon so the driver shuts the doors and gets off on his way.

By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down.

Sure enough PC Plod of Greater Manchester Police pulls him up for
speeding.

The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which he
replies Scouse Eggs.

The policeman obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look.
He opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it.

He gets onto his radio and calls for immediate backup from as many
officers as possible. The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that
requires so many officers.

"I've got a wagon with 20,000 Scouse eggs in it - 2 have already
hatched and the *******s have managed to nick a motorbike already

Mood: none
Listening to: nothing

Reading about the previous adventures of the Beast of Drof-D'ar and its foray into world politics, our heroes became slightly happier knowing that it had been defeated once before.  We all ignored the fact that it had led to the loss of millions of lives from countries all across the globe.  Still, our spirits were perked a little by the knowledge that the beast was defeatable.  Until we realised that the resolution to it's previous release had been brought about by the recapture of the beast in the vial of K'ram.  The vial that was no longer available due to its interaction with tonys backside.  Our first problem was finding out exactly where the only other vessel capable of holding such a beast was hiding.  The Penguin book was a little unspecific on that particular point.  Stating that the vial could be found at the highest point of the worlds tallest underground mountain.  None of us had a clue as to what this cryptic location could mean, but set our minds thinking in an effort to solve the puzzle.  Tony thought it could be the secret underground missile base that the Koreans had built in the Myohyang mountains but we dismissed that immediately, for if the koreans had found the vial we wouldn't stand a chance of getting it back anyway.  No there had to be an easier way to find the replacement vial that we needed, and so put an end to the Beast of Drof-D'ar (and hopefully this pointless tale I hear from the audience).  Just as we were pondering what this troublesome clue could mean I heard a loud clatter and clang from upstairs that signalled the arrival of the morning post and perhaps the paper.  I left my comfortable chair and legged it up the stairs.  Strange that the arrival of post still excites me after all these years. Must be something about unexpected contact with the outside world (Gets lonely here in my padded room, even imaginary access to the outside world is better than nothing!) Sure enough, along with the post was the local paper.  I chucked the paper to Julia, intent as I was on opening the selection of brown and white envelopes that the postman had brought me.  Nothing but bills and junk as usual.  Whilst i'm happily reading through the special offers available at disneyland (apparantly America had freed up a few dollars by decommisioning a few more warheads - see below) Julia had been idly flicking through the local rag.  Check this out --- more 2moro