Somebody's someone

Listening to: taking back sunday

tehe im a hypo monkey!! OMG did u know that big martha, spudnic and super pie are my idols.....HAHAHAHAHAHA freaking hell gaaaawwwddd WOWZA!!! GERMAN TRIP ON FRI TEHE i dont have to come to school hahhaa hmmm...jamie wont send me a pic of him..err.he said its unsuitable HAHAH owell ill just have to go over there and take a picture myself! I KNOW WERE YOU LIVE!! TEHE! YOU SHOWED ME!!! ....HAHA

ermermermermermermermermer

add my msn candy_lips_krissy@hotmail.com

AND go to my sites

www.xxcandyxlipsxx.piczo.com or www.elementgrl.piczo.com

well ive just read throw EVERY entry ive ever made on this thing and it just like..WOW, i come from being a nice friendly girl, to a spitful mean bitch, to a depressed fuck...then to a angry fuck!!! and well honestly, i just want to go back to being that nice friendly girl everyone used to like! all my entrys used to be so...well...me!!! so for now on, no negivitve entryd...unless i feel really bad lol. ANYWAYZ BACK TO HAPPY HOUR!!

Jim is a best friend...TEHE!!! *mwah* OH MY GAWD i havnt talked to Jamie in aggeesss....maybe i should add him to my new msn?...i think il go do that now....(adds him to my new msn) ..ok added!!! err he better come on soon...grrrr wow, i seriously feel happier already!! gawwwd!! wow, so german trip on friday night....tehe mother dearest says i dont have to go to school that day to i can sleep in!!!! WAAAHHOOO!!!!! man...go her!!

anyway gawd i gotta go to bed or ill oversleep tomorrow again!!! buh bye!!!!

so my mum is constently on the phone to her old boyfriend now, and its driving me nuts, as soon as shes on the phone to him she forgets who we even are. i over heard them on the phone again and she was talking abuot her "relationship" with my dad and she was saying that the passion and love has passed away and that she never stopped loveing...him. AND  she was also asking how much it would cost to fly over there (as he now lives in Canada, hes ment to be some actor there...sure) anywayz..i really do think shes gonna leave us...but like i said...she cant do this to us.

So on a more positive note.....i saw in the loft look for a suitcase for germany when i heard a stone thrown at the window so i went to have a look who is was and it was ****** !!!! he blew me a kiss!! it was so nice! like a movie!! its was..perfect!!! but all i dont was gave him a thumbs up and went lol

coh my god i dont know what to do, im so confused. I thought were going up and right for me for once and this is that happiest ive been in a long time..but i guess not. I have nowhere else to turn to, normally i would talk to ******* about with....but no anymore. I guess things have changed. But anyway, when i got home today i overheard my mum on the phone today and she was trying to get hold of her old boyfriend, and saying she wants to meet up with him, and she was saying stuff about her like shes only got 2 kids who are twins and 2 others and sayings she's really unhappy and that by marring my dad she had to let go of all the things she loved...and well, to make a long story short, i think shes gonna bail on us (walk out on us) and she just cant do this to us, to ME she knows shes the only person i can rely on now and she know she cant leave me with my dad the way is. and well, i just dont know what to do...please help me....please....

Mood: crap
Listening to: all american rejects - to far gone

hehe im a able sudent in art lmao!!!! owell. My brother got one so i guess alot of other people have, owell. So, i dunno i feel kinda shitty, i mean, for the past few months all ive been doing is sitting indoors being moody, and when i went out with my mum yesterday i felt...alive. Ive been missing out on the real world and i think a bit of fresh air was good for me, even tho it made me really ill. Speaking of being ill, i feel crap. i didnt get anysleep last night coz i was throwing up and i could hardly breath, i have a really bad headache and a sore thout. and evertime i stand up and start walking i feel like im going to colaps (or however you spell it) i dont even know why im on the computer as its just going to make my headache worse.

Anywayz, im going to Germany next weekend and i guess its going to be pretty cool. Im paired up with lauren, and its good coz me and lauren always have a good laugh together. Im taking my potable DVD player with me and bring a few DVD's. And on the way there Georgie said shes going to try to sit behind us so she can watch the House of Wax. lol. Lauren is also going to bring a load of sweet and were going to have a big feast on saturday night which i guess sould be ok. Let just hope im better by then, huh. But i just wish the trip would be a bit longer. its only for a freaking weekend, its gonna go buy so fast.

Anywayz (again) god im so tired! anywayz lol, im so bored. i might not come into school tomorrow. I just feel so bad. meh.

well im gonna try and get some sleep now, buh bye!

so. nothing much going on at the momemt, i went to town with my mummy (lolololololol) and she bought my some new stuff, i say thre really cool conversese and i begged her to buy me them but she said no coz she had already bout me a pair of shoew that was £40 cut down from £65, i guess it must of been a winter sale or something. Anywayz, i got the most shitting cold ever!!! and today i realised something, that going along with the crowd is something i really DONT wanna do, i found this out coz my mum wanted me to buy this coat that she said was "the lastest fashion" and "everyone had one" but the thing is, im not gonna get something i dont even like! to fit in with the crowd, i am my own person with my own style, in not goth, chav, punk, prep or watever, im just simply me!

Mood: hmmmm
Listening to: jesse mcartney - beautiful soul

ok so screw every other boy ive ever talked about on blogigo, ive met like, the most amazing person ever, yeah yeah i know your probably thinking "weve heard that from you 10000 times before" But Adrian is like.....wow, speachless. amazing. wounderful. all the ofther word like that you can think of. He like WOW you know? And he not really like any other guy ive met coz every other boy is like 2are you feeling horny" or "can i see your ****" (which i find is SERIOUSLY sick and twisted) But he doesnt do that at all. And it soooo cute coz were always having these little arguments about whos "hotter" and stuff......hmmmm......ahh......so great! im not looking for a relationship or anything but he is already like my best friend i already know everything about him and it great coz every time i try talking to a boy i have to try to start a converstaion with him but with him hes always the one who wants to start the conversations....its amazing!!

                                      xXxbless him xXx

So um, nothing much has happend today. Pretty normal day. Im starting to get over chris and m falling for chris like mad (chris is a new person in my life) he like, the nicest funnies person ive ever met in my life and hes is UNBELIVABLE good looking its heart melting, and when his hand touches yours its like, wow. lol anyways but yeah i guess i do still fancy Alex but i guess just not as much. Woo im getting my new webcam on saturday! (candly_lips_krissy@hotmail.com) add me if ya want (no pervs lol) Um....im really getting into this new band called um......ehh...ive lost it! its gone, i cant remeber what there called!!! fuck! bad memory or wat? owell. its will come to me in a while. So, ive probably said this a thousand times before. but i really just want to settle down with a seriously relationship, there is a quite nice person that fancies me but i dont want to go out with him coz hes a bit of a "player" if u get tht. But also at the same time i dont because i enjoy the freedom of being single and being able to say "he's so fit!" you know? anywayz ill carry on with this later when i can think of more things to say lol

Well not much of an improvment. Life is still the same i guess, but if anything it has got worse. It was Alice's birthday today (happy birthday to her) but im freacking forgot her card!! how stipud am i, well i nt rly be bother 2 write ne more

God things have apparently got better, but i guess not, theres just alot of tension. All i really want if a fresh start, with tied knots and no lose ends. Ijust want to well, be able to know i have people supporting me which i dont have. There are places people will go in there life, weather its good or bad, what they wanted or not. Latley i feel like someone has been living my life. Its not real nor right. Like there controling every breath i breath, every move i make and every word i speak, this is like, the only place i can go to so i can let thing of my chest, coz recently i cant seem to face people. It sucks. "let the rain fall down, and wake my dreams, let it was away my sanitly, coz i wanna feel the thunder i wanna scream, let the rain fall down, im coming clean" a part of a song that describes exactly how im feeling. I feel like someone has stolen my life, my world that kept me from crack, and i just was all the bad things in my life to wash off so i cant have a totaly new start. New Life, even if that means letting go to the things that mean the most to me. the things i did, who i was, im not sorry for being me. im not sorry for anything ive done in my past coz at the end of the day every inch of it has made me who i am today. You might not like it and call me snobby and think im childish for standing my ground and for what i think is right. Life has boarding that shouldnt be crossed and when you do your've gone out of it. And i would like to let it clear, for now on, If someone ignores me then ill ignore them back, if someone is mouthy or what ever to me then ill hit back just as hard. If it over and in the past people should let it go and carry on. Coz when tomorrow comes you'll have nothing left to laugh at. I've changed my ways, sometimes when i say stuff to people they take it the wrong way, take today for example, in art, Hayel was giving out books and i said thank you and a very cheery way. I didnt mean anything by it i said it to everyone one that way. But i guess should wouldnt really care about wat i have to say, huh. For now on i want people to be honest with eachother, coz every day is a new transformation, you just have to go with it at the end of the day. I dont want to me people feel like they have to keep something for me because its absolutly vital for me not to know, well if thats the case u dont have to tell me. But u get my drift.

Anyway, i dont wanna talk about that stuff anymore. Today at Lunch Alex came over to us and was stood my next to me,so close me to. i felt like my heart could fly. Ellie said i went bright red when he was next to me which i probably did lol

If your over me im already over you

if its all been done what is left to do?

how can you hang up when the line is dead

if you wanna walk im a step ahead

if you're moving on im already gone

if the light is of the it isnt on

Mood: eh eh eh eh
Listening to: good charlotte - festival song

well im shit board, and well, ive been doing alot of thinking lately, and my actions ect and its like, why did i do the pointless meaningless stuff? its like, well i dunno. calling someone dumb doesnt make you any smarter, calling someone fat doesnt make you any thinner (some cool quotes of got of 'mean girls' lol. Well anyway, ive just promised myself something, im only going to do what nessecary, and concentrate on the thing i want, and what i have to do to get it, the sacrifises i have to make, ya know? I have something good going on for me right now, great friendsand a supporting (ahem) family. I just feel like ther is something better for me out there, as stupid and rediculous as that sounds. I feel like i need to get out of this shitting little dump and do something with my life that i know im capable of. But the question is, what? All my life ive had dreams of being a world famous singer or what ever (and to be honest thats still what i dream) but how am i ment to do that? i used to be really good at singing in front of crowds, when i was little i sung a solo in front of like 1000 people in the southampton guild hall, and i was perfectly fine, and now i cent at all, its like ive lost all my confidence, and i lost it when my parents started to agrue and fight ect, its like, there ruining all my chances. If only they knew how hard it is for me to see them argue and damn sencond of the day even when there not at home there arguing over the phone. it sucks. anyway i have to go i'll continue this later on

Mood: ok
Listening to: watching friends

YAY, ive fixed my internet! i did! not my dad, me! all he done was sit on the coutch drinking his beer, stupid ass, well alot has been happing, my and aliec (me ex worse enime) is becoming pretty good m8s, i can talk to matthew really easily in school now, i can kinda talk to alex, yesterday they were stand my us and it was so obvious the wanted some attention, he trow a foil ball at me lol, and OMG like, nearly everyone is taller than me! i never thought i was that short!! freaking hell. Um....i have something i really need to let out but i cant coz if the wrong people hear it then they might now like me anymore orthey might not think i like them and its really hard coz i really need to tell them!!! anyway im seriously need to get sorted for school lol.