Listening to: the offspring - want you bad
Well i dont know what to write. When i first started this blog thing i would write in it all the time. But now it's just every so often. And im telling you this because?! lol.
Well i guess it's safe to say, im Darren's girlfriend. Do i want to be? i have no clue. When i was with him yesterday, i felt comfortable. Like i can be myself. And thats normaly somthing i can't do around new people. Be myself. We both have personalitys that some people would say "connect" and that is true. Our personalitys are so alike. And i love it. But at the same time i just feel like i need someone who doesnt like the same bands as me, or has the same interests or well someone who isnt just like me. I need my own identity. I mean. I can't say anything bad about him, i mean, theres nothing wrong with him. He's into decent music. I've met pretty much his whole family the second day i knew him. He skates. He plays guitar. He decent looking. He's a pretty bad kisser but owell lol. I guess theres more to a relationship than just kissing and that sorta thing. But when im not with him, i feel like i dont want to be with him. But when im with him. I feel lucky to actually meet someone as compatable to me as him.
But, theres someone else. He tells me constantly he loves me. And i loved him once too. But, im not sure if u still do or not. I used to see him around with all these new girls. Kissing them. And it would kill me. I felt as if my heart was being ripped out. Not just because i loved him. But because told me he loves me. So, if he loves me. Why does he treat me like dirt when he's around other people? And when we're alone, he the kindest person i could know.
I just really dont know what to do. Im seeing Darren next saturday. And i only see him every weekend and if not that once a week. Sometimes school days. But the thing is, the longer i leave it to see him again. The more special it is when we actually are together.
Anyhoo. So yeah, im seeing him next saturday. Mark and Cathy will be there. And so will Keiran (i think) and hopefully his girlfriend. So i guess im just going to have to see how it goes. Before yesterday i was so convinced that Darren isnt what i want and that i was going to dump him. But i just couldnt. I couldnt bring myself to do it. I dunno why i guess by not telling him how i feel i would just be stringing him along and that is one thing i will not do to him. He's just too good a person. I know he would never do anything to hurt me or make me to anything i didnt want to do.
Well i guess im just going to see how things go. Not just with Me and Darren but with the other guy i was talking about. I cant mention his name yet. It's to risky. If you dont understand then dont worry lol. Geez im only 13 nearly 14 and i already have all these problems. Well, no need for commitment. I've got my whole life ahead of me. Im not going to rush my childhood/teen years. If you ask me there the best times of your life. Im not going to ruin it by doing something i dont need to do.
Moving on, I had my first set of S.A.T's today. The science papers. And i guess they didnt go too bad. Although some of the questions on the second paper didnt make any sence at all!! But the first paper was ok. I think i have my Maths or English paper's tomorrow.
Well anyway. I guess that about sums it up.