Weblog of xuefei

I'm so much affected by the weather. During the gloomy day, I always feel dreadful.

But in a sunny day, I can always feel better.

It's a bit sentimental as we are leaving. Last night Alan said goodbye to everybody. I dreamed of him during the night. It seems to me that he is actually a person who has a lot of good sense.

I interviewed him and he said he likes to meet people and that's the best thing to be here. Sometimes you can learn from books or computers, but it's better to meet people.

This is something makes me nostalgic about my job. I like to meet people too.

I hope everything goes ok when we are home. But Confucious has said three thousand years ago that if one hasn't long-term consideration, he will have short-term worries anyway. That is also true. You always  have this or that issues and the key is to solve one by one.

Sometimes you feel wrong, sometimes you feel right. Sometimes you feel happy and sometimes annoyed. Here it's easy to feel annoyed because it's hard to see the sun.

I feel it's better to see the sun.

Since we study sustainable development, it seems to be everything is simple. Everybody is trying to avoid any waste and everybody is on guard of any luxury.

This is good in some sense. But it's also frustrating. For example about luggage. Although we don't have huge luggage, it still is off the limit. Also because of cheap air tickets, we can only have 20 kilos of luggage after 4 months of stay.

But we had a wonderful night last night. We had dinner in an Italian restaurant which I didn't remember the name, but I remember the content. I like to go back again if possible.

It was a magnificient restaurant.

And then we went to see a ghost story, Woman in Black. It was only a young man and an old man. But they played very well.

It reminds me of the Holmes story which I read during the midnight and I dare not go to toilet at night when I was at university.

It was really fascinating. I'm looking forward to going home. I wonder how is my mother and her health. To take care of a baby is really not easy.

Today is the last but one day of our studying in London. But Camila, Koko and Angelina were all ill.

Suddenly I feel so sad because it comes so quick that four months have elapsed.

I will sort out the papers and books and mail them tomorrow.

Jose resolutely said it was unfair for them to pay less than official fare for five KG of books. "If we mail it by air, then everybody should be the same." The question is Africa needs 20 pounds more to post the same amount of goods(books).

Sure Europe is cheaper and China is just about 50 pounds.

It's not easy when it comes to money matters.

We are all trying to live within the limit. But there is an agony of struggling what you should have and what you should not. And I think what we learn in sustainable development helps some peoplel, but some people didn't change at all.

It's fortunate that we come together. In Chinese we always say Yuan, which is more than just coincidence.

I feel it does give me a good reason to change back to who I was. I was an enthusiastic and passionate, insatiable in knowledge and good at practicing type of person. But I also like to know more strategies and shoulder more pressures.

But the fact is that I was not that capable in shouldering pressure. I become panic when I was in a hurry or in a different situation.

It's ironic that I was just afraid of the changes in CRI which each time brings me down and I just felt bad about changes because I didn't feel it's changing for the better.

But now SD is all about changing organizational structure. So I have to adapt to changes. I am put in a position which I can't choose much. Or it can be a choice of without any choice or making no choice.

Anyway, I feel I have to resume my passion and wisdom and do something more exciting.

Today Schumacher college lecturer and editor Kumar gave a very spiritual and philasophical lecture. He said that India and China don't need industrialization. They should lead the world and live sustainably so that the western countries should learn from them.

He said China and India and even Africa don't lack resources. They have enough resources to live a comfortable life. But the current situation is the unequality of the world. It's human being who have created the trouble.

He said it's evil that America spends too much money in war and nuclear and bombs every year.

It's unfair for people still struggling with food and drinks after 50 years from the world war.

He said his main idea is from Ghandi who was the launcher of non-violence movement. He said non-violence in fact is sustainable development.

He criticised the action of the Three Gorges because that caused a lot of people to move their homes and violently deal with the earth. He predicted that it won't do good to the earth or people.

He said one should garden but not farm the field because gardening is more productive and beautiful than farming.

He said his mother said things which are beautiful, useful and durable are worth to buy. Otherwise forget it.

He said the current problem of imbalance and lack of resources are caused by western world including the US and the UK.

He said China and India do need population control but people need to control their consumption too.

Only by reducing consumption, recycle the waste, can people protect their environment and keep sustainable. （陈雪霏）

Today I boasted again and I felt very good at that moment, but later I felt I should keep to be modest. It's nothing worth to talk again and again.

But I did enjoy talking because even myself was surprised how I could have done something in the 1980s.

Thinking of doing business in 1986 and opened a training course in 1987, I was so lucky at that time. But I think I benefit from something that I have done something others didn't do.

And nobody has that kind of expertise. But now the situation changed. I felt more aggressive people and more people are in the move.

How can you convince people not to consume too much while their basic needs are not met. Or some people simply want more and more.

And the market economy is based on consumerism. If the products are too durable, the factory won't be able to produce more and if the factory can't produce more, they will produce less and if they produce less, they will increase the price and if they increase the price they will face competition.

So what's the best way? Participatory decision-making is the key. Any decision made should be under the consultation with the majority.

I think today's class was very good. Even though it is for children. It starts with quiz about millenium goals.

And then it was a game with matches. One match is one million and see how much we invest in the 8 MDGs. It turned out to be poverty reduction is the number one investment.

Number 2 is about the environmental sustainability.

And then we talked something about slums or international homeless by homeless international.

They talked about the way of dealing with community and how we should work together with local government and teach people about financial issues. That is to improve people's literacy.

I thought I had a wonderful time in Oxford because I got three bottles of wine back.

But when I look back, I feel I have some regrets.

As I talked with my friend Claire's husband Rodney, I learnt that since Oxford was established in 18th century, in fact the campus was built up together with churches. Every campus has a chapel. And I know some of them have very good churches.

One regret is that I didn't climb up the 99 steps to the top of the tower to get a bird's eye view of Oxford's "Dreaming Spires." In 1818 St Martin's church was rebuilt complete with tower, however towards the end of the 19th century, mounting traffic problems neccessitated road widening. The church, apart from its tower, was demolished in 1896. The tower is all that remains today. On the east facade the church clock is adomed by two 'quarter boys' who hit the bells at every 'quarter' of the hour.

It is located at the junction of St Aldates and Cornmarket street.

Sun Wei said she liked to climb up, but I thought it would be 6 stories building, so I don't want to climb. Maybe because of carrying the wine, I felt tired.

Now I feel that I become lighter or smaller maybe, but I am not strong any more. I always feel very tired and weak.

We did have a look at westgate shopping center, River Thames walk, Museum of Oxford and saw a lot of dinasaurs and it's amazing to know that Oxford can guess a lot of animals just by guessing without knowing any English word for the animal.

We did go to New College and the college has a very beautiful lawn. Just at that moment, it rained heavily. We had to rush back.

We also caught the 5:30 train so that we came back in time.

It was not bad. It was just that we didn't go inside many campus.

We did see Newton in the museum and felt Britain was great to have so many scientists which were world wide known. Hope China will have some in the future.

I feel now it's China's turn to be prosperous and catching up.

I love to learn from Mao Zedong and Deng Xiaoping because the two leaders impressed me so much that I even dreamed of talking with them. When Chairman Mao Zedong died I was just at year two. But I respect him so much. I dreamed of talking with him in English and I remeber his words like the enemy of study is self satisfaction. If we like to learn real knowledge, we must be modest and never be too proud.

He was energetic and great in many theories. He influenced not just one generation, he in fact influence many generations.

Deng Xiaoping was a man of being pragamatic. He likes to do things and to act for the better. He liked to try.

It's easy to say that when you become the leader you can change. But I think I am not confident to be a leader because I always need enough to sleep and I always feel tired.

I don't mind to be a Chinese and I am proud of being a Chinese. I love  my country the same as Deng Xiaoping and Mao Zedong. China is a great country and I love my people and my land. Sometimes I said something which is probably critical, but it doesn't mean that I don't love my country.

I like to learn from Jin tao and other leaders, but I am not that energetic. I need more learning and I have to just create some opportunities for myself.

I am enthusiastic and passionate, but sometimes I am not so sure what needs to be said and what needs not. I need to use euphimism too.

But a lot of people wish that if we could also enjoy mutual treaties in waiver of visas, it will really show China's greatness.

Anyway, I will stop complaining and do something real and meaningful.

Friday night we had an African night and it turned out to be good. Lara, Boba and Jose all prepared a lot of food. We prepared some dumplings and Niu Jin prepared meatballs.

My supervisor and her boyfriend came over, Lara invited a friend, later Geraldine and Andy also came and it turned out to be one climax after another. It was really great.

They asked me to sing that Qinghai-Tibet Plateau again and it was the third time I sang that. Even though I promised Sun Wei that I would sing another one, I had to sing what they like me to sing.

It was fun to talk with people and to see a lot of friends coming. Alex came too.

We chatted and chatted. Time is so limited and suddenly we have passed four months.

Hope we will be able to see each other again or visit each other.

It's amazing that since we learn this course and a lot of people are so brave enough to be leaders and like to speak up their minds in front of people. It's also interesting to see how people are eager to learn and some are eager to have fun too.

It's enjoyable that we can talk about different situations and different customs because we are from different countries.

Even though I went to bed at 3 am this morning, I still got up at 8:30 am. It was not bad.

We went to Paddington and then took the train to Oxford, it took one hour to arrive there. The cheapest ticket for us is 11.2 pounds.

The train is quite comfortable, there is a table between the seats.

After we arrived, we got a tour map and there are 20 points which we should visit.

We walked along the arrows and found out what is where and where is what. Unfortunately we just had a glace outside because I can't go in. It charges 2 pounds or one and a half. It's not too expensive but if every university do that, it will be a lot of money.

Therefore we only went to New College which was free.

We went the Christ Church and it was very beautiful there.

We bought some wine. It was interesting that I didn't buy any wine when I was in Zimbabwe, Australia, New Zealand and South Africa. But now I bought some wine from Australia and South Africa. I used to have a wine tour in Zimbabwe and New Zealand and I got to know Chardney and Sauvignon. So I like the two type.

We had some Chinese lunch at the beginning of the tour. And in the evening we thought we would like to have hot pot in the evening. So we went to a Chinese supermarket before we came back. We got tofu and bean noodles.

In the evening I watched the DVD The World without Thieves directed by Feng Xiaogang and acted by Andy Lau and Geyou, Liu Yuying and many others I feel firmiliar. Anyway, I haven't seen any film for a long time.

My focus to Oxford actually ended up with buying a love poem book for Valentine's Day from Black Wells Book Shop.

Jan Peter said he was regretful of not coming now and came along with us to the Black Wells because he was so moved by the good service in the book store long time ago.

Tonight we celebrate the New Year again.

We were regretful that we didn't celebrate it last night and Bill and Niujin were so eager to celebrate it tonight.

It actually reminds me of my father how he emphasizes the New Year celebration when we were kids. He insisted everyone should be home no matter where they were. So I went to home everyyear before I started to work.

After I joined China Radio International, I worked during the New Year for a few years, but most of the time, I went home. Only when I got special reasons I don't go home.

Niujin made very good fillings and we four wrapped up more than one hundred dumplings I guess. Yes he said the first round was 102. So altogether it was over 200.

I like it very much. And Koko cooked chicken stew. So it was actually also a farewell party for Yellow.

He is travelling to another place. It sounds very nice to be able to travel many places freely. Unlike a Chinese, wherever we go, we have to get a visa and it takes a lot of procedures to get the visa.

Anyway, happy new year again and we are going to celebrate it again on Friday. And maybe I will make dumplings again on Sunday.

I will go to Oxford on Saturday.

Today we had a good discussion about government placement and we had a good reflection about what is sustainable development and how we deal with it. What was our experiences and so on.

恭喜发财!!! 幸福快乐!!!

Happy New Year!!!

Yes, I am a Chinese and I like to take a note about what I am doing and preaching. As everyone likes to leave some prints to the world, I now feel that I will leave as less as possible my footprints to this world so that it will have less environmental impact.

too tired to write today, a wonderful new year celebration with my best one of my best friends today.

Wish you all happy new year.

Happy New Year!!!

For many years in the 1990s, I worked during Spring Festival. I was the one who worked right on the first or the second day of the year. Now when I think about it, I feel proud that I had done that.

This year again, I have to work to write a report, that is my assignment for study.

I worked last year at Radio New Zealand International at this time. We talked a lot about monkeys and roosters and tigers and so on.

Today the weather is cozy, sunny not very sharp, but very mildl, the sun is not laughing but smiling.

I told my classmate whose hometown is Shaanxi that Spring Festival in my hometown, Jinzhou, northeast China's  Liaoning province is always like this. Sometimes on the First day, New year in the morning it snows a little bit. But on the 30th, New year's Eve, it was always very good.

And it was always very happy!!!

My classmate said her hometown always snowed on New Year's day.

I hope it continues to snow!

This year marks the year of rooster. Some people ask me if this year is a lucky year. I told them that everyyear is a lucky year. But some people prefer year of monkey than year of rooster. That's why you see more babies in the year of horse and the year of monkey than the year of rooster. Maybe, at least I see the news that young people in Shanghai wants to get married in the year of monkey.

For me, I would feel that many chickens actually end up very well because they are sharp and aggressive.

And we would say to hear the crow of the cock, it symbolizes a wonderful beginning of a new year.

After Tsunami in 2004, we would think the year 2005 will be a wonderful year for us. Because the disaster has passed, next one will wait for some time to come. But we have to behave ourselves so that it will come later or rather not come.

I feel happy this year because I will graduate this year and will have a new beginning. There is some meaning in my life now. I am searching back my confidence and optimism. It's a kind of spiritual happiness.

It's not insatiable materialism. I feel happier. Life will go on and I wish every friend, colleagues, classmates, family members, my parents, brothers and sisters and all the people around me or not around me, all the people in the world, have a happy new year in the Chinese new year!!!

And my new year resolutions are

to remain happy, to change the blaming culture,  to change my behaviour to a more sustainable way, to do it myself, to live positively rather than negatively, to live optimistically rather than pessimistically, to gain strength rather than to weaken, to be more organized and well planned than to go with wind, float in the air, to live for a meanful purpose rather than aimless envy, jealosy or imbalanced, psychologically painful, do as what I wish to do and treat people as how I like to be treated,

to get my accomodation right, to get relationship right, to let parents get rid of worries and diseases, to keep the young to grow healthily,

Truely to have a healty, prosperous and happy new year in 2005.

Chairman Mao Zedong used to say that in this world, the frightening thing is to get serious because whenever you are serious or whatever you are serious about it, you will get it done.

And the most difficult thing is also to get serious. Getting serious is an attitude or a spirit that you really want to do something.

Recently China has launched another storm after last year's audit storm. And this storm is called green storm. That is 30 projects which started without passing the law on its assessment of environmental impact. The projects include a few in the Three Gorges Project. Now people know that the Three Gorges Project is not perfect, and some of its projects need to be assessed in their environmental impact.

The law was drafted in 2001 and 2002 and passed in 2003 or 2004. It was the first law which aims to prevent environmental damage from the very beginning.

And Ministry of Environmental Protection now is just implementing this law strictly.

Vice Minister Pan Yue said the losses now by stopping the project would be much smaller than the damage done and then treat the environment. Lessons have been drawn in many cases such as treatment of Dian Chi. 

China is getting serious in dealing with its environment. It doesn't like to go the same way as the west to pollute first and then treat it.

That cost much more than you prevent it from the very beginning. To strictly implement the law on environment impact is an important step to prevent the damage.

Of course, there is still a long way to go for many factories to know that they should prevent pollution before it starts to produce. But we are getting there. We need more encouragement than beating up.

May such a green storm be stronger and stronger.

May the audit storm be stronger and stronger so that China's corruption will be less and less and a cleaner government will serve the people better.

Talking about tree-planting, I think of my childhood.

When I was at year six of my first year in middle school. I was the monitor in the class and we were required to go to the west hill to plant trees for one week. We will live in the villagers' home and cook for ourselves and plant trees everyday.

I told my brother, and my brother asked me if I am any kind of leader in my class, and I said I was the monitor. He said, no doubt you have to work hard and work in the front.

One girl student didn't come because she was in period, maybe the first time she had that or maybe she was the first few of the girls who had that. Anyway it was so mysterious for all of us including the boys. I remember one of the boys challenged with my teacher and didn't want to come, but our teacher said no, you are a boy you have to come.

Happily, I prepared five kilogram of sorghum rice and carried a digger, together with my fourty other classmates, we walked for the whole day along the zigzagging path in the hillsides to Naishangou. Naishan means a hill looking like a breast. We walked nearly 20 kilometers with our luggage. We have to carry the quilt by ourselves.

During the week, I lived in a family who only has an old lady and her 20 something daughter. We live in the families' which have fewer people.

And we set up a big pot, enough for fourty people.

What we ate was just the sorghum rice and some pickled dish or bean noodle soups. With those soups, we all like to get it last because then the noodle will be there more thick.

That was life and we walked to the hillside of the breast mountain and

we divided us in pairs, one boy, one girl, the boys dug the hole, the girls would put the siblings into it.

In the end, when we look at the hillside, we saw them in a row and very neat and good.

Unfortunately since then I never go back again and I didn't know if there are still some trees there.

We used to plant trees along our rivers nearby, and I saw them grow up quickly, but unfortunately, there were all cut off.

Thanks to the new policy of the goveryment, right now, they encourage to plant trees again. Although it was too late. But it's never too late if we do something now.

Last October when I went back to see my parents in my hometown, I saw the populars trees growing along the riverbed or the bank. I hope they will grow up soon and I will try to urge them to grow more so that in the future, that river will not dry. If that drys, there will be no river for irrigation anymore.

http://www.exile.ru/2005-January-27/war_nerd.html

What are they thinking?

Today I went to LSE to listen to a lecture on cold war. A woman professor who is only 2 years older than me gave a good lecture about old war and new war, cold war and modern war.

She said world war one and two belong to old war while the war on Kosovo and Iraq are new wars.

She said old war was defined by legitimate or illegitimate of political construction while new war was characterisized by modern technology and weapons, such as missiles and even chemical weapons. But according to international law, in old war, treatment of prisoners were provisioned and ill treatment of prisoners were banned.

But more than war was targeting civilians and no regulations obeyed on how to treat prisoners, for example in Gnab in Iraq.

She said American war on terrorism or Iraq is more imaginary of cold war mindset than  real danger.

She said the White House has invited Hollywood directors to go to Washington to produce kind of game to teach soldiers how to fight.

But she described the war in Iraq was in fact no resistance. And American troops simply walked into Iraq. But they didn't know that when the soldiers surrendered or Saddam regime surrendered, there are disintegrated forces who are willing to fight against invaders.

Therefore it's very hard to predict when American and British troops will withdraw and how long will the occupation last even though many lives are lost every day.

She is in a way pessimistic about the mindset of Americans and she said maybe other options can be pursued but she emphasised that military forces can be used in protection.

She said she thinks Kosovo war was right, but considering the losses of lives, there would have been better ways to disintegrate a country and push it to democracy.

When asked about if she believes American's excuse of boming Chinese embassy in Belgrade in May 1999 by using a wrong map, she said it was a mistake because there were a lot of jokes about American's inefficiency.

I couldn't believe it even now. Whatever it's hard to justify that three Chinese journalists were killed during the bombing.

I simply hate war because war creates hatred and lost of lives. But she said world war II was contructive in the sense of creating jobs and making more colonialized countries independent.

I hope better ways can be found than war to resolve whatever issue. Maybe I'm utopian, but I believe there should be a way out and people should not be so greedy or bad.