sympathetic, empathetic, apathetic, or just pathetic?
Today has been an awful day. It's supposed to be one of the better days too, my birthday. Instead of people that I love being concerned about me, for just one day, theyre more concerned with my brother. that shouldnt shock me, as its been that way for 2 years since he moved. im constantly being told that im the one that needs to get over things and let go of things, yet they sit and talk the same trash i talk. it makes no sense to me at all. ive come to realize that people talk a big game and say theyre never gonna do this or never gonna do that, and they end up doing it. its just so fucking frustrating that for today, i wanted to be the main attention. just today. im 26 years old and im upset because im not getting attention. a psychologist would say theres a billion reasons why and a billion reasons wrong with me, but i dont care. on my birthday im sitting here crying my eyes out. my mother took me out tonight. she took me to dinner and a movie. 50% of her time was spent on the cell phone making sure my brothers feelings werent hurt because he called and asked my dad to take out a loan for four thousand dollars and my dad said he would only do it for fifteen hundred. my brother was the main attention tonight. i even scraped up some spending money so we could go in our favorite shop, and she stood outside and talked to him on the phone. why couldnt it have waited 20 minutes until she got home? why did she talk on the phone to him during the movie? why can she say 'i love you' to him before they hang up and to me its just bye sis. im so frustrated because i actually care about this shit. why does it matter so much to me who wishes me a happy birthday. my grandmother called me and sung to me. thats how my day started and it was fantastic. i didnt get another call until mom called to make sure we were still going tonight because she had to tell her boyfriend she wouldnt be online to talk to him until after 9 or whatever. no one else called. i got emails from people. 3 of them infact. thats about it. why do people get so hurt when people they love dont remember their birthday? my man has tried his best to make today special. hes working tonight. i have a house to clean, so i best get to it. im just so fucking frustrated, angry, hurt, and want to scream because i want to feel special in my family. my uncle didnt come to my college graduation because he had to go to a rodeo. he hasnt called me to wish me happy birthday. my cousins, who are always pissed off if i dont do what they want me to do when they want me to do it, havent called at all. my daddy called. my step dad told me happy birthday. my grandparents. i know a lot of people will say 'youre lucky you have those people' well, what i say to that is shut the fuck up. whats the point of being in a family where everyone supposedly cares about you, but their main concern is always on someone else. whats the fucking point? im just getting myself crying again so im going to go clean. thats how i deserve to spend my birthday because i wont forgive people that hurt me and bruised me so deep in my heart that to even talk about it i bout cry. but i always have to be the 'grown up' and do the 'adult' thing while everyone else gets to act childish. just one time i want to act childish and force someone else to be the adult.
