The Wellyboots Tribe Step Forth - again!!

May 18, 2005 at 14:03 o\clock

Responding to a comment!

by: pcjjap

In response to "do the boys have to spend so much time 'doing school' " ?

We have a huge tarmac back yard which the boys do spend at least 2hrs a day (if not more) playing on - usually footy and often together with the little boy who now lives upstairs. Even this they often cannot manage with out it becoming a war-zone, Evenso, banning playing outside & break-times are just about the last punishments I meet out. I need them as much as they do! It is truely NOT my intention for the boys to spend all their time 'doing school' - there are planned long and short breaks interspersed throughout our day - well there are meant to be! Joel, tbh, is not so much the problem - he can apply himself and get done so long as he doesn't have the distraction of his bro'. In fact today he CHOSE to work at the punishment desk so that he could get some peace and concentrate - he was done in no time. He was onto his short 'hand-break' before his brother had even started - Jacob was too busy throwing a wobbly (again) over something else!! (This tantrum btw, went on for almost an hour, despite us trying to reason with him and explain to him what he was in trouble for (sigh)!)

By the time Jacob had calmed down enough to even attempt any work his 'time-slot' was up, so we made him put his books away and take a break, but this means that he will have to do the work he should have done in that time in 'his own time' (i.e. Friday - when we don't do school at all, and/or Saturday afternoon).

It seems that in the three years we have been doing school Jacob has never yet learned that the sooner the work is done the more time he gets to play. Joel has that sussed - absolutely - even if he does play up & huff'n'puff at times!

The answer could be to just 'let it go' for a while maybe, but in my experience of holiday breaks I end up with an even more bored and difficult son. Jacob actually needs the stimulation & routine that school provides to keep him on a more even keel  - his behaviour is even worse without it! But he is simply not capable of recognising his own need for that structure in his life. In fact he is not too good at recognising any of his needs - even basic ones -  like warmth & fluids (I still often have to prompt him to wear jumpers in the winter & have a drink a few times in the day - he's 8 btw!!). He is even less able, it seems, to recognise his own part in misbehaviour, or how he might be to blame in any way for the punishment he is receiving. It is always "x's fault!" or "your (i.e. mine) fault!" Choosing to change his attitude/behaviour seems forever out of reach to him.

TBH - he really is hard work!!

The boys working together is sadly an apparent recipe for disaster. They egg each other on to misdemeanor (one being too young to resist his brother very well and one being too lacking in self-control to resist his own desire to fool around), and yet it seems such a shame for them not to work together on 'fun' projects. Otherwise it seems like Joel really does end up doing all the fun stuff  - because he has time left to do so  - and Jacob with his nose stuck in the 'bare-bones' of the absolutely essential stuff. And then I get complaints of "it's not fair" - which I agree with, but I struggle to make it fair when Jake will not put his weight behind anything.

As you can see - I am really in a 'sticky patch' right now, but we'll get through it I'm sure.

Agreed, I am tired & fat atm which doesn't help - and still effectively working full-time. Paul is around a bit more atm (being an x-student, now job-seeker) which is really great and on the whole I'm letting him deal with most of the difficult behaviours in the boys. I also feel it gives him a clearer picture of what I deal with on a daily basis and why I am so convinced Jake might have ADHD/behavioural problems.

If you feel you can - anyone - remember me in your prayers atm and pray too that this baby will be born asap - I'm sure that would help my emotions no-end at least! I think I might have 'sprung a leak' today when I was yelling at one point (at the girls this time for drawing everywhere with felt-pen!), nothing much, but maybe it might be enough to set me off ...

Comments for this entry:

  1. RuthSmith wrote at May 18, 2005 at 16:34 o\clock:Hi I\'m Ruth from <a rel="nofollow" href\"http://scratchandsmiff.blogspot.com\">here. Couldn\'t help feeling for you as I read your blog. The dilemma of trying to educate the child who doesn\'t want to be educated. As if being heavily pregnant isn\'t enough in itself! Can\'t suggest an awful lot I\'m afraid, every child is so different anyway that what works for one just may not work for another. Boys are an entirely different species as well when it comes to learning, I only have 1 boy + 3 girls, and they are all completely different. What does your 8 year old like doing? Does he enjoy talking or doing things? What would happen if you let him do the \'fun\' things even though he hasn\'t done the \'bare-bones\' stuff? I see you\'ve got a link to the \'History Alive\' stuff. Are you using any of that at the moment? We are. I think I\'m coming round to the point of using just this project on its own as an educational tool - it\'s so good :-)!

    If he is ADD then school could be the worst place on the planet for him. And I myself am only just beginning to openly accept my responsibility for any occasion of being in the wrong and I\'m 36! ;-)

    Probably doesn\'t help much , but I have experienced similar things and although I have no hard and fast answers, I thought you might like to know you\'re not on your own.
  2. RuthSmith wrote at May 18, 2005 at 16:36 o\clock:Sorry tried to make a link but it didn\'t work - whoops!
  3. pcjjap wrote at May 18, 2005 at 16:40 o\clock:cheers Ruth! Yes we do you History ALive - that\'s why we\'re doing this Egypt project. I felt that just covering it from a biblical perspective was not really enough, so we are doing it \'historically\' and biblically and throwing all together in one big lapbook - well that\'s the plan anyway - if we ever get there! And then it\'s Greece I believe - another bigee!
  4. RuthSmith wrote at May 18, 2005 at 17:04 o\clock:oh yeah, we loved the Egypt project. The scope for artwork\'s pretty huge, geography, ancient languages, even a bit of cooking. I\'ll try and find the site that I printed out and read to Josh (8). He did a story of what it was like to be a small boy in Egypyt. I was so proud, mind you, his imagine was captured, and I don\'t recall an awful lot of writing going on since LOL! I had to help him an *awful* lot as well. If you don\'t think it too confusing, mine really enjoyed the Egyptian gods, mainly because they were all linked to animals, but once my religous spirit got out of the way, and the fear of them being influenced by them:-) then it was quite interesting to see how their whole culture was influenced by them. Apparently the plagues were all to do with confronting each of these gods, which was interesting. Obviously no baby yet then as you\'re on the computer;-)
  5. pcjjap wrote at May 18, 2005 at 17:11 o\clock:no baby, but everything feels quite - ready/odd ?!

    I wish my boys would catch the excitement of this project, but failing that - they just have to do it - as it\'s rather a central piece of history both in \'cultural\' and biblical terms!! ;)
  6. RuthSmith wrote at May 18, 2005 at 17:15 o\clock:Are you excited about the project?
  7. pcjjap wrote at May 18, 2005 at 18:06 o\clock:yes - I\'m learning loads - If I wasn\'t caught by it I think I would have given up long ago!! But I do tend to go a little by the philosophy that actually \'liking it\' is irrelevent - we can\'t like everything we tackle and sometimes we just have to \'knuckle down\' because not everything in life can be an exhilerating roller-coaster ride ;) I don\'t want my boys to learn that just because they \'don\'t want to\' , or they \'don\'t feel like it\' they can get away with not working. If I had that attitude they would definatly be in school by now!!
  8. RuthSmith wrote at May 18, 2005 at 18:23 o\clock:Yeah, I do know what you mean. Although that generally means that we end up shouting at one another and that\'s *not* why I wanted to HE my kids iyswim ;-). But from school, the lessons I remember even now were the ones that captured my imagination and I enjoyed. The rest of it was just blah, in fact, probably about 16 years of blah all told! Perhaps the \'don\'t want to\', \'don\'t feel like it\' lessons could be reserved for stuff other than schooly stuff- just a thought! I mean, you yourself just said that you would have given up long ago had you not been caught by it ;-)
  9. pcjjap wrote at May 18, 2005 at 18:39 o\clock:truth is - if it were JUST school that were the issue it might be different, but this is not just \'school\' behaviour it is full-time behaviour - in and out of school, so changing school is not necessarily the answer I don\'t think :)

  10. janhmmnorg wrote at May 18, 2005 at 22:05 o\clock:Yes, school has been the least of our problems around here too. The flashpoints are getting dressed in the morning, mealtimes and getting ready for bed, so perhaps the only answer is boarding school ;)
  11. pcjjap wrote at May 18, 2005 at 22:10 o\clock:well now there\'s an idea!! :)

  12. ar76 wrote at May 19, 2005 at 00:24 o\clock:Hi,



    I don\'t think I\'ve ever commented here before. This is Allie from the greenhouse - number 41 on the ring.



    I can\'t really offer much in the way of helpful comments on your situation because we are autonomous and I can\'t imagine doing school. I think we probably have very different parenting styles too - but we are fellow travellers on the HE path.



    I just wanted to say that I think it must be very hard to be carrying on with your routine when you are so close to a new arrival! Most women who go out to work would be on maternity leave now. How about some time on the sofa with tea and cake? Or snuggle up with your kids and a favourite video and have some cuddles!



    All the best to you and yours.
  13. RuthSmith wrote at May 19, 2005 at 08:38 o\clock:Now the tea and cake sounds like a good idea;-) - but then what do you do with the boys. It is really hard for you now (((()))).
  14. angelstar1220 wrote at May 19, 2005 at 10:21 o\clock:Hi, Im carol, I have been following your blog for about 3 months. As a mum of 4 children aged 10,9,4 and 6wks, two of whom have behavioural problems of various kinds I wanted to let you know I know what you are going through. My eldest is the one who doesnt want to be schooled and yet NEEDS routine and timetables. He is also the one who manipulates the others to messs around and not work-not that they need much convincing i can tell you,lol! Anyway, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Take care and good luck with the babe

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