14May08...sigh
I continue to practise hard. I continue to work hard. I'm not doing these for the present, but my future only. For a person like me, should deserve more choices. I dont want to waste myself since I've wasted few years of my youth already. hm I didn't violate it but I just didn't live my life to the fullest. That's not what I wanted. Life is short, and for my life, I want it to be something. Well, for myself, at least.
Funny! My parents said Dominic definitely had interests on me because he gave all his attention on me during the classes. Nah, it's probably because I'm the youngest in the class but one of the most outstanding one there. I heard he's a gay but anyways, it's so none of my business.Though, honestly, he's like Sebastian, totally my cup of tea. heh. But oh gawwd, I don't want another David.
Well, here, speaking of David. My feeling towards him has been subsiding ever since his worldwide trip. The feeling has gone sour and bitter. Oh yes, like salt on a wound. It's absolutely painful. It's not that because we are in zero contact now. But, I realize my innermost fear is becoming true. I feared that you only wanted me for sex. I feared that you were taking me as a stuffed toy. I feared that you took me as a part-time lover. You calmed me bit by bit in the beginning, just when the trust and the bonding was growing. There came this/these sudden cool down. I try not to believe it and convince myself that you still love me. You said you missed me all the time. I tried hard to find every excuses for you. Sadly, however, the reality is slowly unveiling everything. Or, perhaps it's just the disappointment tires me. My heart is fatigued.It hurts but I'm too stubborn to believe and so, feeling reluctant to let go.
Is it that I'm taking everything too seriously? Nope, I dare say no. It was you who attempted to move my heart into believing everything. And you succeeded in it. Or, maybe, like my friend says, it's all your fancy tricks to trap a gal whos 20 years younger than you.
Why don't you say a word now? 'Has something died? Are you trying to get away? Or, you're just busy?' You can simply say yes to all and then I'll go.
Why don't you say anything? Why do you leave me here and letting me to face all these alone?
sigh
