God's Blog

Not feeling festive? Need a laugh? Visit the Boggart Or are you feeling guilty about stuffing yourself and getting rat-arsed drunk because of all those Christiany messages about the real meaning of Christmas. Pour a drink, get yoiurself some tasty snacks and read Machiavelli on the true meaning of Christmas. And have a really good New Year.

The Winter Solstice and all us pagan Gods are partying it up on our big night of the winter festival. We don't like to leave you out of course so can we suggest a celebration of Santa Lucia as they do in Sweden (very pagan place - we like Sweden) People walk around the streets carrying lanterns and singing seasonal songs and the folk who have stayed at home bring out cups of glugg or mulled wine. Its quite a night. Another Solstice tradition is telling ghost stories. You will find a good one, written in the style of Scotsman William McGonagall, the worst poet ever published in the English language by following this link The Headless Horseman Don't be put off by the fact that McGonagall is bad. Sometyimes bad is very good and the writer responsible for this pastiche has a nice touch with humour. SOLSTICE SOLICITATIONS TO YOU ALL (AND A MERRY CHRISTMAS IF YOU ARE THAT WAY INCLINED)

.Good Morning class........ my name JAMRYN is Prof. Ogma, not "Hi Oggy." Now I know you were hoping Dana would be back today, well as one or two of you had problems with her accent Dagda asked me to take this class and help you out. GHOSTGIRL, are you chewing gum? Put it in the bin....oh well, it will pass through in a day or two. Now, older Irish people such as Dana who, you must always remember is seven hundred thousand years old; older Irish people as I said, and gods or goddesses too often have difficulty pronouncing the "th" sound. This is because the letter "h" was not used AS A CONSONANT in the ancient Irish alphabet. wHAT IS A CONSONANT ANYONE?????......no? a CONSONANT is any phoneme that does not form the peak of a syllable, con, together; son, sound; a letter that has to be used with something else, namely a vowel. Yeees Cathead, we know French Letters are most effective with a spermicide, but that does not make them consonants. Thank you for your input. WAKE UP APATHETIC, IF YOU WERE NOT SO DISINTERESTED YOU WOULD GET BETTER MARKS. AND YOU WOULD KNOW WHY EVEREYOPNE ELSE IS GIGGLING. To compensate they tend to say "dis, dat, dere, dese and dose," they also say t'rough, t'ink, t'rash and t'read. Now some of these sound like other words so you have toshow a little consideration, especiall when they have to say "third." Homework, you can write an essay on the ancient Irish tree alphabet, so I hope you all know your Beth Luis Nion letters. Really its as simple as ABC. AND REDNECK GAL, school uniform tomorrow please, I'm sure the Daisy Duke look is all the rage in your neck of the woods but we have school rules for a reason. CLASS DISMISS The Fix Factor There Are Many Diseases

Mood: Comfotable
Listening to: Daniel O'Donnel

Laydeez and Gennelmen - Dagda proudly presents his Mammy, Dana - Great Mothjer Of All Things and senior deity of the Celtic pantheon. Ah shutup ye little gobshite...
Hello, I'm Dana, Great Mother of All T'ings and supreme deity in the Celtic pant'eon. No need te git down on yer knees, us Irish Gods don't stand on ceremony. Now I'm just filling in for my boy Dagda while he's so busy and all, see his wife, Boyne, - she's only a demigod, sort of like de Virgin Mary only married proper. I am a single mother meself, but I made my boy do the right t'ing, I sez if you've stuck one in the oven meladdie, you'll fecking well stand by that girl and do the right t'ing. But even if wer gave her immortality, she's not really part o' the family business. Anyways, I notice some of yez have been bad mout'in Dagda and sayin' he's not a proper God and all, bunch o' gobshites that ye are. Not you Jamiryn, even if you did call him pussy arse. (Now its true he has a bit of a hairy ould arse on him an' if you painted a black dot at de top of his crack, and green eyes on each side and then a couple of little pointy ears on eithr hip his end would look like that catrtoon cat so it would.) At least Jamiryn you speak out where we can all read it, no sneaking around sendin' pers'nal messages in secret like some people. The others should be ashamed o' taking advantage while Dagda is trying to stave off global catastrophe in t'ree places at once. I'll yell yez about my boy shall I? When he first come to Ireland his bollocks had hardly dropped yet, what happens but as soon as he sets foot on the shore. Finn McCool and a gang o' Fenian t'ugs, dey're giants right so, a bunch of ugly bastards too, all wi' shaved heids, rotten teet' one eyebrow between the whole bunch of 'em and breat' that would strip paint of a Volkswagen. So Dagda, hardly more'n a child remember, he takes a club made out of a full growed Oak tree and he' setting about them culchie bastards and he's beatin' eight colours o' crap out of them. Now there's only seven colours o' crap known to mortal science so dat proves he's a proper god, coz wid a god anything is possible. Right so. Now Dagda started dis blog to help you poor ol' Christians out because you are terrible confused, so you are. I mean what kind of eejits would call their deity "God." Its not even a proper word, never mind a proper name for a God. There's conventions to be observed in de namin o' gods and all. I'll explain later because now I'm away for a swallae o ' tea while I soak my poor feet in de River Shannon. Ghost Girl and Shellbug, now youse pop round for a drop o' the rare ould stuff sometime, friends are always welcome. The rest, I'll be seein' youse whether you want to see me or not.

Just before I introduce the Mammy I want to mention something that's been bothering me. Perhaps some of you mortals can help me out. Why is it, do you think, that so many terrorsts, tyrants, barm pots, nutters, mass killers and raving maniacs think I'm their kind of guy. I mean, I'm all knowing etc. but that one really has me banjaxed. Its just not logical. Do you think maybe there's another God they are mistaking me for? best, Dagda

Mood: Tired
Listening to: Captain Pugwash Theme.

I'm back. Things have really been getting quite hot while I have been busy with geophysical events. Anyway I hope the stitching I did on the seismic fault that runs from Kashmir down to New Guinea holds for a few thousand years because I have to stop youse guys doing things that are making the permafrost melt in Siberia, Alaska and Northern Canada. First of all thanks to Ghost Girl and Shellbug for their support, but please ladies, don't get involved. Critics of My blog might feel a need to defend their God because he's a wuss, but I can look after myself. You can both feel very good about yourselves for being such a pair of angels though. Yes that's a big thing we have over the Christians, my followers are allowed to give themselves a pat on the back - those poor buggers are guilty of something whatever they do. There's no self abasement with Dagda. Hey that's not bad, we could use it as a marketing slogan. Don't let the evangelicals grab ya, theres no self abasement with The Dagda. Ace! How do I feel when some fundamentalist type calls me pussy-ass (I guess she meant to say I'm a c**t. They're so polite.) Dismayed I think is the word, although I have been called a lot worse by fundamentalists, usually when they are pointed towards the "down" escalator. Now name calling like that is water off a Dagda's back but when it came in response to my making time specially to answer that person's concern about whether "Baal Gods" should be avoided I must admit it pissed me off a little. What I was trying to explain was that Baal simply means The Lord and so the pagans mentioned in the Bible are worshipping the same God as the Jews, just going about it differently. The Jewish people back then were like the British and Americans in modern times, arrogant and lazy. They couldn't be arsed learning about other languages and cultures and so they just expected everybody would bust a gut to be like them. A great man once said "the past is a foreign country, they do things differently there." Well you all need to remember that foreign countries are foreign countries and they all have their own way of doing things. France is grubby and a tad smelly, Germans can appear abrupt and ill mannered, in Spain and Portugal nothing gets done in a hurry, while if the Irish were any more laid back they would be lying down. But in all these places things are the way they are because that's how folks like it. You don't have to be a god to understand that. Its the same with gods too, we all have our own way of doing things. The things to avoid are worship of money and material things, worship of power, worship of celebrity and worship of allegedly ancient scriptures that were in fact written 500 years ago by a guy called John Milton (1608 - 1674.) Poor Milton once wrote that he wrote about religion in the hope of gaining wealth and fame. A few years later a new King who was not a puritan came along and poor Milton was disgraced and thrown into prison. And God showed his appreciation by sending our Johnny blind. Doesn't that story bring to mind names like Jim Bakker, Jimmy Swaggart and a few others? So much for wealth and fame. You know, I can't help noticing that the people who introduce themselves by saying "I'm a Christian" are almost always the ones most attached to money, power and fame. The Pagans on the other hand just want to have some fun and learn what they can from the experience of living. Nobody is forced to read this blog. If you don't like it just click through. But if you do want to ask questions or make comments please do not respond to my answer by telling me I am wrong. I am never wrong, I am Dagda. All comments are welcome, but remember you manners or I may turn you into a toad. Now as I am still very busy I asked the mammy, Dana - Great Mother of All Things and senior Goddess of the Irish pantheon to pop by and explain how the whole network of gods and goddesses operates. You'd better be warned about Dana though, she don't take no shite from anyone (she's Irish) and has, as we Celts say "a bit of a gob on her" so you can expect some pretty ripe language. And when Dana has been round I will get some of the others to call round. Dylan might be a bit of a problem though, he is convinced you Christians stole something of his. Now any questions, just get in touch with me but please don't start yelling when you don't get the answer you wanted.