Mood: ironic
Listening to: dire straits
Hello, its only me.
People often stop by and tell me what religion I am. "Oh Lord," they say, "we are the only ones who understand your message and so we are your one true church. Please stop pussyfooting around and smite all the other bastards now."
So much for understanding my message. For a start I do not smite to order; second, I don't do religion ~ do not of you read the Bible? Third, nobody understands my message because if you did you would give up all this religion business and just get on with your lives.
What makes anybody think I belong to a particular religion. Preachers are basically just a bunch of shyster lawyers, trying to twist everything to suit their own ends. And religion makes you so horrible to each other. I constantly have people praying to me: please God, punish that guy across the road, I saw him throwing his empties out and he must be a total wino. I don' care, let the guy get boozed, its his liver. I might do something if he is beating his wife or neglecting his kids, because of his boozing, a blast of pancreatitis usually sorts them out, but you know lots of people go down that road because they are lonely and it is up to you guys to help then, not me. I can't be everybody's best friend. And wanking, you know the number of people I get complaining about their neighbours wanking is really tiresome. "Please God, you've got to make him blind, he's wanking." they whisper. And I say "forget it, he's always wanking, it does no harm" but who should I really make blind eh? The people who are using high power binoculars to peep into someone else's home maybe. Yeah, you righteous people have no room to be smug. You are very fond of telling your kids I am all seeing, all knowing and yet you think I don't see what nasty little tricks some of you get up to, excuse me… HEY PREACHER MAN, LEAVE THAT GIRL ALONE, SHE IS UNDER AGE …sorry, what is it with fundamentalist preachers and very young girls. Yes , one day you will all get your lifetime assessment that will help decide if you get to come back as an angel or a slug next time. I warn you religious types, none of you can expect to do well, except for Quakers maybe, because they listen to me instead of idiot preachers. And what is more, they know how to make great porridge.
OK, that is all I want to say for now. I will deal with all major religions one by one later.
