He did it again (and proabably more than that)
Josh has cheated on me again. I know what I should do. I should at best end it, at worst run him over and throw him off the pier. Unfortunately I can't seem to give up the little shitbag. It's not love, it's an addiction. I'm startig to think that's all love is really. when the addiction fades, boredom sets in then you cheat. Then you either try your damnedest to make it work, even though it'll never be the same again - the purity of your feelings will be forever jaded once you know you have been betrayed by the one person you would have died for, or you end it and are left broken hearted and without closure.
Funny, Josh doesn't write on here anymore. I never would have started doing this if it wasn't as a way to try and tell him exactly how I feel about him. Now I'm sort of compelled o record all amjor events and feelings on this anonymous script. It's an odd phenomenon. I wish he did still write in here. I just want to know what's going on in his head. I don't even know if he still loves me. He might just be hoping we can last the summer and do all the fun stuff we had planned, then when he goes back to uni he may just end it because, really, yes, it is too hard. I can't say these thoughts haven't crossed my mind. I also have to add that at times in the last few weeks I've wished I'd never met him. Even after all the fun, amazings times we've had together. I don't think they balance out the pain he ahs caused me, and the total loss of all self confidence as a result. I am not the same girl that he fell for 2 years ago. He has sucked away part of my soul.
