Ups and downs of Rea's life

Mood: amazing
Listening to: billy talent - red flag

right this is the third tie of writing this because it kept fucking up.

But anyways

last weekend was absolutely amazing!
basically, i have a new boyfriend
he is the most amazing person you can ever meet!
he is really funny
and cute!

well
it all started about half a year ago
when i started to listen to davey's (boyfriend) radio staion, fraggle radio
and i just thought he was really funny and cool so i added him to my msn.
we started talking loads the first time becuase i kept him up all night lol
can't remember what we were talking about but it was some random shite

but yer. i had a boyfriend at the time and i started to really like davey.
i tried my best not to think about him but it was hard!
after a while he got a girlriend and i was really gutted and i was jelous.
i tried to be better than her (don't know if you noticed)
but i did try and make myself better than her so he could notice me more
even though i had a boyfriend.
after a bit.i couldn't go on with my boyfriend any more because i was thinking about other people to much.
i did try not to but it just wasn't working!
i wanted to be with davey but i never thought it was going to happen!
so i got myself a new boyfriend and it didn't last long because he cheated on me.
but then i tried something diferent. i became a player
and just started getting sex
but people grew to attatched and itjust wasn't what i wanted
i tried to then get a girlfriend but that wasn't happening. i just ended up getting sex out of it
i didn't know what i wanted any more
so i just gave up and thought about things to much and got into a depressive loop of lonelyness

a few weeks ago me and davey started to talk more again to each other and i sarted to like him even more
i never knew i could feel like this for one person but it ws really annoying because i didn't think he would want to be with me because i am younger and what have you.
then last thursday he asked me to come down to quiggins (shop in liverpool, also daveys home lol) to the fraggle studio and have a few drink for st paddys day.
so i said yes and all of friday i school i was blabbering on about how i am meeting an amazing person and sleeping in quiggins! lol
not many people can say they have slept in a shop ;D lol a haunted one at that! ;O
but anyways yer... i got home and got changed then wait straight to liverpool.
i got there and i was really nervous.
i got to quiggins and as soon as i saw davey i had butterflies in my tummy.
t'hehe he was really cute and like the same height as me i was like ;O AWWWWWWW ya like mega cute! t'hehe
OOF very hot aswell i must say ;D
i dragged him dwnstairs while talking so i could go buy a skirt =]
we then went back upstairs and after i mt everyone we went to sainsburys with ash t get some alcohol, fags and food =]
when we got back we started drinking jack daniels and coke WOOOOO lol
not enough to get me drunk though lol
after we had a few beverages lol.. we sent to the lobster pot to get some real food
but when we were pying his man started throiwing punches at the man behind the countr and he pushed me into the counter which really hurt
davey like grabbed my hand and took me to the corner and started cumforting me. was rather sweet =]
but anyways
after that ordeal we went back to quiggins and started drinking again. still not enough to get me drunk lol
but yer
we talkedfor hours on end.
and at about 5 am eryone decided to go to bed
but me and davey culdn't sleep because everyone was snorring.
so we had a tickle fight whcih was rather amusing
and we all know that davey loves to be tickled too much ;D lol
but i id innocently flirt but i didn't know if he knew it lol
i was trying to get cumfy on the floor but ijust couldnt so davey just put one sleepingbag on th floor and another on top of us
(which btw, i done on purpose so yer =] lol OOPS)
but yer we just alked for a bit then he said he wanted to sleep so he gave me a peck on the lips
but in my head i was saying "make a move!!!"
so before he moved away fully i moved closer to him and gave him the most amazing kiss ever
i didn't even know if he liked me.
i just made a move and went with my instinct.
i mean i wanted him tolike me
so what harm is a ks going to do
but all mornng he gave me the most amazing kisses i have ever had!
they made me feel all warm and tingley all over ;O
after a few kisses i finaly fell asleep in his arms =]

the next morning i work up and he was asleep until 2 in the afternoon.
i had to leave at like 5 but he eventually woke up and every time he left the studi to do something he gave me forehead kisses and on my nose.
they were really sweet and i really felt like they meant something.
i went home later on and missed him so much! i needed to see himn again
so on the sunday i went again!
was really amazing weekend
and on the sunday i met sarah who pronounsed us boyfriend and girlfriend ;D
what an amazing person! ;p

anyways!
i am going to see him today which shoulbe amazing!
a few hours with him! if not the night =]
because my mum is being a twat ad not letting me stay out =]
KNOB EDDDD
anyways
i miss him so much!
good job am seeing him
YAY
XD

x
x

Mood: crap
Listening to: brand nw - seventy times 7

Well i am new to this but i know what i am doing =]

to people if you read this... i am usually a happy person and i will just tell you about my life so fa and then go on to talk about what happened last night, yer? =]

well... i was born on 21st march 1990 and i was always a happy and wonderful loving child... that liked to walk into everything lol
but yes... i had no friends... except one in infants school which was amy... she was a nice girl... and we ued to be the people who wouldn't socialise much

then when i went to junior school i started getting bullied... and i didn't have many friends... i used to stand next to people to looks like i was with them. very lame i know but it's the only way i felt like i had any frends...

and then i gained my best friends in year 5 and 6 which were sophie and sami... they mean everything to me still! love them both... but anyways ye.. when i was 11 i first self harmed... and i know it sounds well gay and many peopl say it but it wasn't exactly little scratches that everyone seems to think it was... yer oh well

in high school i got bullied some more but i used tohide who i was from everyone because i didn't think anyone would like me... but i gaied another best friend, mia. mia is amazing person! but i hardily see her any more because she decided not to come to school alot any more =[ last time she was in school was like 3 months ago =[

but yer... anyways... cam round to year 10 and when i wasdoing my mocs everything just started coming out and i burst into tears and told a teacher about everything and she sent me to the school counceller person who is a complete fucking knob head! and never listened to a word i said which made me angry =]

then like a few monts ago she decided to "let me go" and idon't know why... because she knows that i still self harm and everything she just had to many people on her list to see and it just made me more upset than i aleady am =] she is just a cunt =] wooo but anyways

yesturday wasn't a goo day at all!
i had german first lesson and i have one person that i actually talk to in that class and she wasn't in!and i had to sit on my own and people started throwing hings at me and everything and i was trying not to cry to be honest =[ hate people paying attention to me... sometimes i just wish i was invisable to people and they would just leave me the fuck alone and terorise someone else =]
but yer after that i had graphics which was alright... then i had RE and ionie was't in,... ionie is another of my best friends... alway there for me =] but yer 5 people in the class was alright..  nice and quiet =] and then i had biology and art... art was alright.. had my exam =] which looks like shit but oh well =]

anyways,. later on... me, sophie, ionie and sean wen out to get food for me because my mum and dad wern't going to be in so i thought in will ave some people over =] but what a bad idea! =]
we started drinking and then mia came round and left because she didnt like everyone around her being drunk =[ and i hadn't seen her in like ages aswell =[
but yer... bellis, james and joe came round too with alcohol so everyone was drunk and basically... sophie went all emotional and me and her were crying for like 2 hours and everything just went wrong! sophie was sick in the dining room and i didnt know what to do and iwas panicing and i just started crying and an to the bathroom and sat under this small cabinate thing we have and i got my razor and yer... ya can imagine what happened next =[
i felt so harsh and ashamed at the same time.. i tried to help ophie but it just wasn't happening... i am such a crap friend =[
ionie was helping me tidy myslf up and everyone else was helping soph. i really am sorry about everything if she reads this though because yer she means everything to me but i just felt i was the crappest friend ever at that moment in time!... all she wanted was her mum but i was too upset to ring her mum but her mum came round and took her to the hospital =[
all my fucking fault that she is now in hospital =[
god i wish i could have helped more... or just not have got drnk or anything!
i am never drinking ever again!

now my mum keeps asking me what went on last nigt.... i know she will find out some time it's just i can't tell her
she will kill me if she find out =[
and i promised her i would never self harm again...
i just feel like crap about everything =[ and i know i can't turn back time =[

oh well...

on  lighter note
it is my birthday in 10 days =]