Mood: need to get out of suffocating england
well ive been too depressed to blog over the last few days but i think my brave face is holding with my friends i can hold it at school as i do that every day anyway but most of my friends arent worried so i think i am doing well. Chloe seems well i dunno, different to me now, im starting to get the impression we were doomed from the start, i was so happy to have met people who, once again would not judge me on what i have done but what i have become and now i will be judged by things i have done again. unfortunatle this almost always leads to bad conclusions being made. The plan is to keep my head down at school, the AV people have been so understanding and friendly, unfortunatley these are the only people who can understand me.... my parents are hopeless at this and my close mates all judge me and think i am just getting my comeuppance, i know peoplelike hayley and francesca and that ot couldnt give a toss right now! except when my plan to leave the country and go to germany comes into my mind and i tell frfancesca all of a sudden she is te most caring person in the world....funny that isnt it! well im going ahead with it! itg may mean the end of my blog but oh well i can get a job and hopefully things will work out! i was talking to Melly (canadian Melly) last night and she made me see ssense, if i am miserable i dont have to put up with it, im not running away frommy problems im starting a new life, i will keep in ocntact with people that matter to me and everyone else....well if they dont care enough they will miss out on my friendship....almost half my friendships are meaningless to me anyway....hayley mullins just is welli never saw it before until about a month ago but to me, she basically cares to ee me only when noone else is free, we meet up and then then after her telling me hhow rubbish it will be if im not there i am completely ignored by her in particular.... the plan is now to raise a grand and set up a busines in Germany and if i make enough money i will sell it and come home if i miss england too much or if i make new friends and meet up with valerie and alice whenever we can and get into that friendship group, well then i am never coming back, i wont miss the weather, summers in Germany are t-shirt weather! i wont miss the clubs and bars because were underage and its all cheaper in germany anyway.... what will im isss though? only my closest friends who i=have remained loyal to me and never ever done anything to spite me. people i have known, not nessecarily for a long time but people who just are nice....i guess people who spring to mind are chloe, francesca and mel but sadly i know i will also miss all the group o fpeople i have recently been hanging out with like cornflake, elise, bob....i will miss bob so much. all of them, alex and everyone even alex's townie gf whats her face!! sadly thats all i will miss....yeah my life is that bad! oh well i givem yself about 2 years, time to finish my a-levels....this is mere conincidence btw and then i will have made a grand. doesnt have to be a good business is set up, just enough to pay for me to go out drinking and have a b&b or somthing cheap like that. well i have so many more feelings but no more time....hopefully more soon
