Mood: jade-1000 words
it now turns out that chloe and i may be having problems.....sam told mel that i fingered chloe....WHICH I DIDNT and mel asked chloe what happened dont ask y sam does this i dont know!! lol and welll she isnt dumping me thanks to mel who i owe a million times over for talking to chloe and helping her see sense. I cant believe sam sometimes!! well now i have a problem me and her arent gonna have our perfect relationship for a few weeks its so annoying! things were PERFECT and now they are less than perfect which really bugs me coz i totally love her and i really really do need her we just met bowling and clicked so we met up the next day and i took her ice skating and held her hand all the way round despite peeps coming up and saying stuff like "so josh when are you g onna ask her out?" the plan was to walk her to her dorset and say goodnight to her and then ask her out then....well i didnt expect her house to have electric gates etc! lol so i said goodbye to her at the gates.....it took a long time getting home that night because chloe forgot the way home from the BIC and so she took my dad on a road all the way round bournemouth and out of bournemouth the long way then the way back into bournemouth before dad pointed out she was probably lost to her but we eventually found out where she lived and all was good. she si so sweet i love her! anyway i said my goodbyes on the doorstep and asked her then....she didnt say yes but just kinda nodded and smiled at me, i took that as my answer and got bacck in the car!
i made a kinda big mistake about letting people read my blog by giving them the address personally, francesca read it and oh dear god i think she's worried about me! i dont need peoples worry and sympathy all i ask for is respect for those reading this who know me, i knew that one day this owuld happen and i am glad it finally has! but i am glad they didnt read it when the whole major depression was in full swing a perfect quote for how i feel is from the film red dragon (the hannibal lectur one) "if theres anything worse than pity its fake pity" i hate it when everyone hangs around me more than usual because they have found ouut my dad is back in hospital or i am totally depressed or whatever...
wanna do a little song quote
but still i swore to hide the pain
when i turn back the pages
anger might have been the answer
what if i hung my hung and said that i would wait
but now im strong enough to say its not too late
coz a thousand words cal out throught eh ages
they will fly to you to you
even t hough i cant see
i know theyre reaching you
suspended on silver wings
oh a 1000 words
a 1000 embraces
will cradle you you
making all of oyur weary days seem far away
they'll hold oyu forever....
this song has so much meaning to me i mean when you have happy times in your life everything else seems to be forgotten
i expect this blog to eventually just be deleted or whatever but i dont really mind it has kept my mind sane through the hard times,somthing my pride shall never allow my friends to be there for me so this blog has been my way of expressing my feelings...out of interest every1 reading this who is registered with blogigo still plz send me a comment so i know if anyone reads this anymore....just a little thought
