diary of a lost soul

Listening to: bon jovi- thank you for loving me

well at least i get my iPod tomorow! if i have the cash! right now i cant get alyse out of my head. many reasons for this but i guess mainly i just am having a moment of weakness and i wanna always be there for her through thick and thin! but i guess i blew my chance and i dunno quite what i did wrong i guess it just wasnt working coz of long distance. well i guess i wish that she was still mine but its too late and maybe i should just block out these feelings, hopefully i can bury them deep down. everytime the chorus of this songs comes on it sets me off crying again! i guess i have francesca to thank for so much. if it wwasnt for her iw ould have never met alyse or most of my current mates...infact pretty much all of them if not all of them outside schol! ok so im htinking about francesca now omg im so screwed up! so manyt hings buzzing round my head! god couldnt give me one weeek without damn well pissing me off! but i had a good day today i guess, was so funny so[hie pushed puxie into a bush infront of loads of girls hu finds him cute and sweet and all slagged off sophie! it was so funny! sophie just glared at them and they walked off! well sophie lent me a tenner for my iPod (thank u so much sophie :) well crap tarry has just got a nosebleed and i keepthinking of when dad gets his nosebleeds oh well tarry understands and just has gone to the toilet. at least it will clot soon ey!!? omg i cant stop crying im such a girl. somthing is seriously wrong with me! i feel so shit i miss everyone and everything outside school. maybe i should just give up bryanston and abandon my dreams, i mean what are dreamss without happyness? thir nothing, thats what, nothing. i mess up everything and now im revelling in my own shit. ironic isnt it! well at least i have the weekend to look forward to! probably wont be able to see alyse since i might have to go to dorchester since abi is really down and i wanna cheer her up but i wanna see alyse. my heart is urging me tobe selfish and see alyse but abi is really down and i need to cheer her up. i dunno i guess going to see alyse is not only pure selfish coz chloe will just get on my nerves.