Mood: depressed as hell
i dont really want the holidays to begin in a big way because then loads of people will leave who i want to stay like tom taylor he's such a nice guy and its gonna be a big shame when he's gone...but anyway holiday is approaching and i gotta find somthing to do with myself hopefully i can get someone to cover my shifts at tesco so that the holiday to wales will still be ahppening but im not sure errr will be so annoyed if its no longer on! after all i mean gr ive been waiting to go for ages and so i hope that it does happen. but if it doesnt its moer time to see abi and more time not to see hayley and francesca s the current pattern goes...meep well h and f are talking to me which is a big bonus but h is nt really bothered at all she usually wont answer the fone and when she does she is as dismissive as ever and francesca...well she talks on msn but always insults me like when i was feeling really down about school being over and how much i dont want speech day to come she goes off on about how selfish i am...geez who am i supposed to open myself up to if not francesca? i mean well its just francesca, yaknow? you open your heart up and bam in yur face crushed so geez somepeople are just being total tw@ts but oh well life goes on, boringly and slowly but granted life goes on, cant wait to see abi again but not sure if we are gonna take the train anymore since the terrorist attacks in london so hmmmmm think we may stay in dorch or go back to mine to watch dvd's or summat. maybe when the time comes i will show her my secret little sitting place in a field where i used to go to shoot, but i dunno its my las refuge and i cant have it invaded by anyone, its where i sat when francesca dumped me, its where i sat when i found out dad had ITP, its where i sat when i had problems with emily and lizie and my B@stard streak and its where i always sit to clear my mind....if i have it invaded by anyone then its over and it is no longer my little hole where i can be just me without having my brain tainted with thoughts of other people! during the past few days i have decided that life is gonna b boring for a bit.... this will be one of the worst summers for a ling time, the few people that are talking to me will be going on holiday and so i will be left to sit at home and do bugger all except dwell over the fact that people like hayley hate my guts, i mean hayley came up with all this bs about she was talking to me coz she misses me but as soon as, in her mind anyway were made up about it and were mates again she just blanks me out, francesca doing it too! so are loads of people actually so i gues things wot be good t all this summer, i wanna stay in school where the bry gang at least will stay together, but meh people have other important people in their lives and im just gonna be stuck at home, im not even sure if t is me who has pushed them away i mean yeah i havnt been around for ages but surely people should still wanna be with me after all that...grr it bugs me, well anyway i dunno what to think abotu the whole thing i mean hayley is jus out for self gratification and actually doesnt care about me as long as she percevs the fact that she does not have an enemy in me and then things are fine but grrrrr in feeling like that i guess you could say that she is making an enemy of me because i find her attitude towards me insulting. its like a bad day when it seems to last forever, but its not a day its been a month ish now and still geez it bugs me. anyway i have it now and im late but its the last lesson ever this year so hopefully he wont mind since im ahead of the rest of the set anyway well firsat day of hosue athletics today and when toby stead dropped out of the team jt snapped at me for telling he he cant just give up and he's gotta find someone else, anyway thats another story and the least of my worries geez were gonna lose anyway but at least if we put a team forward we can get a point for the drylauth oh well tarrys decision not mine so here i go to ICT!
