diary of a lost soul

well i know alyse isnt one to open up to me, but to go on a break with me without giving me anything to go by is well, perplexing. i never knew a girl could get me so head over heels sinc francesca, i thought that was it but alyse, somthing is special there she's got this spark in her eye, somthing special its like when im not with her im dead. but anyway i go off on a tangent!! now that alyse has gone its like a part of me has died.... of course the idea that it might be about our arguament has crossed my mind but then on thinking about it i realise Alyse isnt like that...she's too, well what word can i use...i dunno basically she's not a cheating scum! to quote monthy python though "always look on the bright of death, just before you draw your terminal breath" i miss her and its just weird i mean i live for the weekends but last weekend i was called in to do emily's shift at tesco coz she was in hospital really ill, she's now out of hospital and still ill but hannahs going to see her today (my sister) so hopefully she's smiling! well she'ss off the oxygen mask now so thats a good sign! well next weekend alyse come coz she's seeing her auntie or some other relative. its gonna be another week and a 1/2 till i see her, hopefully we will have sorted it out since then i dunno i just think she's not so keen on me and her anymore, i mean she turned me down when i asked on valentines day, maybe she's out of my league, wouldnt be surprised. well not to get too bogged down in worry but the medical centre at school wants me to see a doctor about my constant headaches say i could have a long lasting illness and might need blood tests etc! meh if i die i die what would be more of a blow to me would be if i had a chronic illness than a lifelong illness so i guess we'll have to wait and see *crosses fingers*