diary of a lost soul

Apr 13, 2007 at 11:38 o\clock

how can she do this to me?

by: stebbo

why is it ali can scare me shitless into thinking we are going to break up? i know ive pissed her off somehow but instead of telling me what is wrong she beats around the bush and scares me shitless half an hour before work and im in floods of tears, this seems to be the month of break ups, gina and jake, lotty and richard, sarah and whatever his name is. im fucked in the head and all im doing is tryna sort out other peoples lives feeling like it is now up to me to be the couple that everyone loks up to that will never break up and now im scared shitless all i can see is her smiling face and her elegance in the way she walks. everything i know and love about her just seems to have been amplified by about a million times and all i can see is her everywhrtr i go and ive been thinking fo ra while about quitting work and spending time with her, but as ali pointed out when i suggested this i will need the money and since she works 3 shifts a day sometimes i wont see much of her anyway. i hate not seeing her all the time and now its even worse with the fear of losing her, is she my life? hard question to ask i have always been able to separate my life into sections, mates here, mates there, me, work, now everything has beren mixed with ali, iu dont have sections of my life that arent connected to her, everyone i hang out with knows ali, it usd to be oh yeah i know he ahs a gf but noones ever met her, i love showing her off and being with her and what do i do if i lose her? i just want to be happy with her, yeah we need some time to sort out whatever is going through my head but everything n my head can be sorted out just by her being happy again i know it. so yeah maybe she is my life and i cant live without her but i feel like crap, 25 minutes before work and arrgh this "you should know why im angry" attitude she has just makes me feel like crap. i feel like a lost little boy looking for happyness all over again but wherever i turn all i see is ali and i cant deal with this forever i want ali and thats the end of everything if i cant have her, yes i am proud to say she is m life, she is my princess, i just cant look after her the way im expected to because i am a total idiot and always fuck things up, i told her from day one the only way this relationship will end is because i fuck things up. lets hope its nto true ever again because i really want to marry this princess and you never know...one day we ,ay have a castle of our own

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