grrr
Mood: permission to scream so loud the world crumbles....
Listening to: spare me the details-offspring
i feel so dumb thinking i could trust her till someone else f*&^%d her and then i walked away,
i really dont wanna hear about her feet all up in the air
well now once again new people are finding out about chloe at skool, i blame sam but i dunno so i wont say but they want to know the story from me and all i tell them is wot happened...hnmm at least i dont come out as the bad guy this time! anyway going back to this girl hu wants me to cheat on my gf i wanna tell her but if i tell her will se trust me? i mean i hardly see this other girl but i hardly see alyse either i have no intention at all but should i tell her? what she doesnt know surely cant hurt her? i mean well its harsh and unfair isnt it? i surely should tell her out of honesty but should i? it tears me in two and i dontknow why all i know is theres some kind of guilt that i cant explain and i dunno why! i guess traces of what i used to be where i almost always had somthing to feel about i dont damn well know. and now look at me im at the point of crying about apsoloutly! why do i have to be so damn well emotional? well anyway sam is gonna be suspended from skool for 11 days fopr getting another 14 year old drunk! yeah surprised he hasnt been handed to the police! he has a slightly pedo nature going for younger girls! ah well dont say im a hippocrit coz there is a 1.5 year cusion! he just doesnt have anym oralss and crossses that line all the time! oh well time to sign off coz otherwise im gonna break down and not be able to concentrate i have too many emotions and i hate it! but what can i do?well nothing i guess i cant tell alyse but i have to but do i have to etc grrrr i love her and i'd never cheat on her or try to hurt her but then why do i feel guilty? also a more pondering question....when i am onmy gapyear and have loads of free time when im not working andi have a car would she still be with me? i hope so to god please please if oyu exist etc etc yadda yadda but she is the sweetest girl ever and i dont wanna even think of what will happen if i lose her i know mel told me to to get too attached but i cant help it i think im slowly really falling head over heels over her she's got that attitude that life is sweet and it sure did keep me going when all that stuff happened with chloe and now im over the whole chloe lark i actually cant believe i weent out with her!! well i dunno i needed to proove that i had changed i guess i just chose the first girl that came to provve it as soon as possible and it worked im not hated by all the girls at talbot heath!!! even the ones i cheated on! so its all good! well tom G still wants me dead but apart from that its all good! its good to see them smiling around me again! well the test is when i see them at the nesxt big party my social life actually dictates i can go to! ah well the time will come!
and im now officially missing alyse well im gonna go think about alyse in private now!
