even worse!
well now it seems that, and im not sure but it seems alyse wants to just drop it and end it, i dont want that at all but i think i may have given the impression i did. ,maybe someday when i'm 50 i will look back on this and think how pointless all this si or some other wise ideas. if i was at school i could bury myself in work or somthing but because i am at home therre is nothing but me and my mind, i hate the holidays when im depressed. i swear a good holiday is what i need. with dad's medical problems though he and mum can never go anywhere so if i were to go off i would have to fund it myself which of ocurse i cant with my ciggarette habit which of course i cant quit coz ill get cranky and if i get cranky from being on cold turkey imagine how much worse it could get! its a viscious circle i cant end.....well im gonna go now coz im gonna go for a run so i hopefully expend all my energy and i can sleep for the rest of the day, maybe ill shoot some targets or printout another picture of a certain someone for target practice.
