Mood: depression and antipathy are such a weird mix!
Listening to: belly of the beast - anthrax
well my as results come out today and i could wait a few days for them to be posted or i can go and get them myself but i just cant be arsed to go to school today. things have changed a bit.... first of all i have a lovely gf called sian who is amazing and doesnt realise it...she's beautiful smart sweet and oh so funny! anyway she's great. but everything is overshadowed by somthing i shouldnt give a toss about but i do. hayley and francesca again.... i finally got th balls at 1 30 in the morning a few days ago tot ext her saying how i dont give a shit abot her evasiveness about meeting up and i wont hold my breath about seeing her i now remember this was on tuesday/wednesday night as we were meeting up wednesday and low and behold i get a sorry but i cant come fromhayley and ai i dont think i can come from francesca and no word since they always get another offer much ater after i offer to meet up with me and so they just cancel on me, so i ring today like i said i would to find out about whether they know if they can come on sunday the answer will be no but i have to give them the benefit of the doubt so i asked them and all they say is "dont know dont care were getting our results go away" and they hung up, well francesca doesnt even ever answer her fone for me she gets someone else near to answer it and if no1 is near tshe lets it ring and pretends she cant hear it or somthng else rather so called clever which is just blatantly obvious. anyway it just makes me feel down after ages ago when i was at my worst depression ever while i was going out with francesca at least and she went on and on about how important to her i was and was is the word its just like life really isnt it i make friends and we reach a height of friendship where u think their good mates forever then they just drift away i hate it but its a fact of life for me at least anyway. i dont care what other people say i change for noone is somthing rob said last night and he is such a nice gu to the extreme i actually feel guilty like im abusing his friendship when he drove me out to see sian last night coz his love interest culdnt come and i felt so bad abotu it! he's a good boy that rob is! lol well anyway i don't know why this whol efrancesca and hayley business is getting me down becvause their just trendies who think the world revolves around them i mean hayley's dad has bought her a mercedes a class and pays for insurance tax etc EVEN FUEL!!! i mean fecking hell she doesnt even have to buy fuel and she always goes oh im not well off yeah blah blah yeah thats nice im still struglling to keep my head afloat and not go into the red :( then i have so called mates like hayley rollling in it and mates like rob who are like me you know having enough money to get by but only just. i guess me and hayley and francescas relationship as mates broke up when i did that whole sh!t on my face joke on them with abi and they have just not talked to me since actually i gues it was like before but i never noticed.... how manyy times has francesca or hayley rng me in their lives? none! never ever i actually..the summer i was going out with her ran up a home fone bill of 200 quid ringing the two of them.... that kinda bollocks just gets to me so bad. i dunno what to think anymore except to thinnk that well not only do i want a better life but i dont wanna leave my life because sian really makes me smile so much and all her mates are wicked fun and i just love everything about my life in bournemouth but as soon as i levae its like a reality check so of course ive thought about leaving home and living in the ymca for 3 quid a night and just spending all my time down there but you know ive got to get used to the fact i cant spend all my time with them because as soon as i go back to school its once a week at the most and its gonne be worse this year than ever now i have such an exensive friendship group down there compared to before the one group is about double all my friends from before ever put together!! so i will miss them all. nobody really reads this anymore so its good coz i can speak my mind francesca and hayley make me go so mad sometimes that i just wana go crazy with a ssledge hammer in their houses! anyway i have to sort out other things in my life like overtime at tesco so im off to bike orund for a bit now update when more happens!
-from a random stranger\'s point of view.