diary of a lost soul

Jun 13, 2007 at 10:39 o\clock

im confused

by: stebbo

amazing time at download i had with lotty made her decide she has completely fallen in love with me, i tell her i dont want to go out with her and suddenly its her telling me she never wants to see me again and we should just end what we have? and she says she feels used... actually cant decide if im angry or sad right now think im just gonna get excessively drunk now, work tomorow is going to be a bitch, i dont even have lotty to cheer me up now. lifes a bitch, it seems like my blogs cant ever be happy for more than a few entries at a time :@(

Jun 6, 2007 at 13:55 o\clock

manual labour stebbo!

by: stebbo

Mood: feeling guilty about being happy
Listening to: sad statue - soad

well ive just finished taking down the goat pen and boy is that a sweaty job, feels good to do some manual labour for once lol! very manly!  i think that its about time for me to stop seeing everyone all the time, stop going down the skatepark, stop trying to spend as much time with lotty as she will allow, which i feel wont be much these days anyway and concentrate on saving money for uni, download and blackpool all in one month is going to kill my credit cards.

decided to go biking with vikki last night, she is cool to work with but boy does she whine about going too fast or too far eugh girls! me and sam should start biking and i agreed to meet him with vikki btu the bugger didnt turn up! grrrr anyway it feels good to be on my bike again but boy does my gooch (sp) hurt! guess im not used to doing that much so soon but the rest of me is fine so its nice to know i havnt lost all of my fitness but i still dont think im the psycho who finishes an xc session a few hours later than everyone else just yet!

one of my mates i caught trying to hang himself yesterday, pure luck that i found him but it really has put a downer on my excessively positive mood. his mum has officially ben declared insane and is now n st annes and ok yeh he is 19 like me but he doesnt have a dad so he has to take over all the responisbilities of the house, which not only can he not afford to do but noone our age should have to deal with all of the debts and bills of their family. i was determined not to cry and i didnt, but it was hard. i really wish he could just get away from it all in a more productive way like a holiday but that would not be good for the debts and bills. if your reading this dude im here for you and i hopew i can give you enough strength to keep going!

seeing ali tonight which is going to be good, everyone keeps saying to me how its blatant i miss her so much and im still in love with her, which i am, completely, just not really longing for her anymore. i guess im happy to love from afar! but it will be good to see her and know she is ok! chinease back at hers then off to watch a film. im the taxi shes the wallet, just like it used to be when i was skint back then.

decided a few days ago that im gonna learn the super art of massage, never know if it will come in handy at uni, either for the seduction of the ladies or just as a source of revenue. more updates on that as they flow in!

right well vikki was gonna come over but shes not here so if she doesnt turn up after morning neighbours imgoing to bike into bournemotuh, no point in wasting away sitting at home on a lvoely day liek this 

Jun 5, 2007 at 16:05 o\clock

can it be any better?

by: stebbo

answer is im not sure yet lets se, just got abck from a lads weekend out in blackpool, what can i say? i pulled a womanwhow as married with 2 kids and played her like a puppet! felt good to know she was married! apart from that there was no other girls but meh i have girls close to me back home so it never bothers me.

lotty did a really stupid thing which angered me to shit, she's pissed off at me so i ring up to find out why all i get is oh your a cunt fuck off and she throws her phone somewhere, forgets to hang up and her and her faltmate and their clsoe mate wiggy were discussing me and how lotty is so much better than me and how much better she can do and wow, every word of it was true. still i cant let that bother me because were going to download together and i cant wait!  i think it will be a blast! i cant wait for my first ever download!

me and ali are getting along well and i cant wait to see her again its good that were close mates and its true i do still love her and im happy with the way things turned out so all in all life is on a high! and all the lows ive had are really helping me to appreciate this high! think i may go to the beach later and enjoy some time off work!