Mood: looking forward not back but scared
Listening to: hero of the day - metallica
ok well first of all i cant believe someone as mature sa you cant see that we need to talk. you dont know how hard this is becoming yeh? surely you can understand how much i wanna get over you? its not fair your leaving me stuck here and just buggering off! but in a way i guess it was just kinda a respite from it all lol i was a wreck when you meet me and when you walk away im left in a wreck but i dont want it to be like that funnily enough! me and katie could have something real special if you would just gimme a chance just to see you and talk to you about all this. and no it cant really wait i wanna get on with my life and have a happy summer with everybody hanging around back like it used to be when smiths was still open! anyway i also need to thank you loads well coz just being with u lol i guess i did grow up loads i mean i no longer see the point in sitting around bmth every weekend going down just to get drunk and let the weeks worries kinda melt away. and just that time we were in your room and were watching princess mononoke was just the best time ever esp when i was almost asleep and you just laid across and kissed me. that is the thing of all things i will never forget and that makes me one of the saddest peoplee alive lol! im not even wishing it had worked now coz everything happens for a reason and i dont wish anything in my life didnt happen but im not someone who beleives in fate but everything does happen for a reason. "i believe a man does what he can, until his destiny is revealed to him" best way to describe it with a famous quote. anyway i also wanna thank you for just making me smile, not just smile for the sake of people leavving me alone and not pestering me! lol well ii tried to paint a picture of you as just another trendy who is two faced and says what she needs to say when she said it. it almost worked damn it but i dunno i just have so much respect for you that i cant do that its not fair on you. but anyway i dont get quite why you decided toend it after a few dodgy meetups lol planning futures with each other one month leaving each other the next! i decided u would look good with a wedding ring which had a light bllue stone in the middle surrounded by diamonds, nothign big but just discrete and beautiful. meh but anyway back to happy stuff thanks so much for everything you did for me and allt he times you came down to bmth just to be with me and especially thanks for coming to blandford to see me, noone has ever done that before and youknwo when we first met each other? i was a total wreck and you showed up and i kinda pulled it together somehow so wow yeah i have so much to thank you for. well anyway thanks to you i am back on the straight and narrow, ive stopped cutting, ive cut down my drinking and now im back at school and have free nicotine gum quitting smoking is so much easier! plus i stopped graffiting stuff and doing what can only be described as what the greeks used to do after a symposium, something called revelingthrough the streets of bournemouth so yeah my life is getting pretty well cleaned up! and yeah it was all originally coz i know you didnt like all those things but now i guess i realised that maybe thats the point of me meeting you was to clean up my life and believe me i will. just one question, in the summer every now and then when i bike past your house and if i ring you and your home do come out and say hi coz i know you said yeah lets be friends with the intention of just slowly filerting me out but if you want that tell me but if you meant it please just you know pop out of your dor every now and then when i ring will take the small detour to your house and just like chat for 10 mins or something! you turned my life around and i guess i can enver be thankful enough coz honestly? when i was with you it was more like well if nett doesnt know well hmmm kinda thing but now i dunno i just realised why you said it all and yeah i do need to clean my life up so thanks so much i just wish i could have made you as happy as you made me. but there will be other blokes who can make u feel happy. just will be so glad when u find the right one. lol anothe thing u made me realise i may like to do is to actually go to uni to get a degree so hmm yeah you really put my life back on track and saved me...i dont say that because it sounds good i mean it you saved me! i can never thank you enough so errr hmmm thats all have to say i guess except just dont block me out, im not asking to come into your friendship groups or anythign coz im not like that but just a fone call every now and then just a sort of mutual respect and seeing each other with mates every now and then i would apsoloutly love lol but i dont think seeing laura again would be a good idea (see i learnt her name!) coz i think..slight guess here but it hink..she hates me! lol well eb asap just so i know how u feel thanks so much i will always love u in a different way if u no what i mean?