Mood: tired, ill, depressed, leave me alone!
Listening to: EMi - sex pistols
well things are not going so great nett wont open up to me bout stuff, she admitts she wont open up to me but, if she cant open up to me who can she open up to? we met up on sunday and it was great to see her and it went really well but i ended up going home rather earlier than usual! but i guess thats life! well after the shit weekend i have had it was a quite frankly it was good that i got home early coz i phoned up all the usual shoulders to cry on and had a good chatting sesh! well 4 days left of school till christmas holidays! bad news is truthful news, kay has a point when she says he best thing i can do for katie is to not see her till she gets over me. well i see her point but it means avoiding bournemouth completely. im not willing to do that so feck it i need bournemouth to feel alive and im nnot gonna feel like an empty shell just so that someone else can feel good, its selfish i know but its what keeps me sane, without it i would still be hanging out with trendies and that would just really get on my nerves. i mean yeah their great but especially with the attitude im getting from hayley and francesca then well it just shows how fikkle trendies are and i dont do fikkle, which is annoying coz even nett admits how fikkle she is and she knows im finding it hard to let go of my defences and trust her because i get such mixed signals but she keeps reassuring me and just asking me for patience, its not exactly screaming at me tog et outta there but right now i should be feeling christmassy but no im stuck in my dorm alone listening to the sex pistols and not feeling christmassy to be frank! well i really wish that nett could just open up to me lol yeahi know big warning bells there but she keeps telling me she doesnt open up to anyone and to not take it personally but its just something i cant do, i mean, seeing the person who quite frankly means the world to me being distant and well grr it just doesnt do good right now, lol gina been telling me that i can't make anything work until i get back all my self confidence, lol but all her uggestions, no offence, but their all b0llocks i mean yeah she's trying to help but she's just making me want to christ i dont even know what i want except to make nett feel comfortable with telling me how she is feeling, i mean i would never hurt her ever im not like that anymore and i havnt been for hmm about a year and a half now not that any of the trendies would believe that anyway but meh i just need to sort my fecking life out! lol well apart from all that i am also troubled because its great that jake is coming down to bournemouth this weekend but it might be a bit awkward with nett so we will just have to see, i've just got to tread careuly round this and give nett no reason to hate me! well lets just say yeah dont do anything you will regret...again! lol i have a habbit of stufffing things up for myself so just gotta keep my head down and make sure things work out for the best. katie is trying to be nice to me about all this but kay is, as kay always is! saying blatantly and without mercy what she thinks and what is going on which makes itmuch easier for me and its always a characteristicc i admire in someone, lol people are asking me how i can standd her after what she said to me, i just laugh and say i can stand it ccoz its true andd no matter what i feel how can i feel pissed off at kay for telling the truth? yeah when i talked wit her on msn i was shitting myself with anger but yeah she's got a point, a point i refuse to go along with for selfish reasons but she does have a point. well yeah so things will get interesting over the christmas holiday, i just hope it doessnt ruin christmas this year! lol i just want one chjristmas which is perfect but of course as usual something has to plaugue it i could draw a long trace through all my chrimbo's i can remember and tell youwhy they were a failure but what good would that do? well i saw last night that lifes too short to go around making life easy for everyone else just to die unhappy so i wanna yhang out with my mates, including katie and kay if they will let me! lol i just hope this can all beput behind is in the rush of christmas cheer and then ust put to one side, i highly doubt it will but i just want everyone, including myself an katie and kay to be happy again despite the anger and hatred lol well i better get myself off from blurring my brain onto the page! hope that thigns do sort themselves out though!