diary of a lost soul

Sep 26, 2005 at 17:02 o\clock

weekend was amazing!!

by: stebbo

Mood: still ill :(
Listening to: king ceaser - head automatica

WOW MY WEEKEND WAS SO COOL! well daryl is back and he's changed his name to jake and so much happened it was amazing but i wanna paraphrase here coz i have work to do but we made our own country and just got drunk as usual and had a wicked time. me and sian are probably on the way to ending coz she cant take the long distance and is starting to get a bit stressy with me for some silly reasons like i never text her (NO BLOODY CREDIT!!!!!) and i wanted to see everyone so much on sunday i did kind of ignore her but not all the itme i tried and i got a kinda grunt out of her when i first came down went right over to her and made a big efffort so i thought she wanted it to be a friendly much about day and stuff but grr my fault i guess. school is cool now really i never found it unbearable but im really starting to have a kind of spring in my step its not gonna be living for the weekend much longer its gonna be living all week which is gonna rock! anyway in all honesty, in my heart i know that me and sian are gonna end i always kinda knew after athe first 2 weeks it started going a bit down in my ind and soon as i go back to school she doesnt think seeing me once a week in enough if we're going out. true but thats the way my life has to be, im not arrogant enough to think i would ever have a relationship at school lol but even if i could i really am sure unless it was really really special or somthing amazing i would not go out with anyone at bryanston because otherwise whenit ends it divides friends and thats never good. im turning into francesca....freiends before lovers! but am i? i mean i choose to hang out with friends yeah but if a lover is trying to snuggle up to me etc im not gonna say no i'm with my mates bugger off. so thinking about it no i am not but i do value friendships so highly like she does but then who doesnt value friendships highly. guess im not so much like her (phew) i mean yeah she's a lovely but we just dont match each other anymore so i just am happy in the knowledge we used to be friends really i man if sheis honest with ehrself were not friends anymore she will argue the toss on that one because she doesnt like the losing of friends but i accept it as part of changing it all started with the joke me and abi pulled on her and hayley which started to make them REALLYconsider me a different person than what i used to be and guess over time they have had it confirmed that imnot gonna be a cross between a tink and a chav just so i can hangout with them! i like my gothy/rocky/indie kinda looks and attitude lol depends onmy mood the relation of goth to indie etc if u get wot i mean! but i just think that she cant accept what she is....a trendy/skirt....i mean i told her she was vanilla...she got offended so i asked her wot she does that makes her not vanilla....silence was heard! so i asked her a few quesions baout kinky gopings on in the bedroom she is into...blatand disgust for even simple things! lol oh well her loss :p lol anyway im off to do some work *sigh* updates will be more often now since i have so much more free time!

Sep 16, 2005 at 17:49 o\clock

quiz thing

by: stebbo

How Good are you at Certain Things? Name Age Favorite Color Nickname Sex - 75%
Romance - 41%
Self - Control - 38%
Kissing - 18%
Cuddling - 60%
Kinkiness - 85%
This QuickKwiz by KillianO - Taken 2458419 Times.
New - Help with love and dating!

Sep 14, 2005 at 18:28 o\clock

wednesday....almost been back a week

by: stebbo

Mood: tiired
Listening to: the hum of computers in the computer room and my head singing 3 wisemen by james blunt :s

well so far school has depressed me coz i no used to being stuck in rules and regulations i guess more than anything ele. quitting smoking is going well but its making me feel quite ill at least for now i know it will get better but right now it is bad btu havnt had one since saturday so am doing well. but on a more personal note i wanna say i feel erally bad because i was gonna take sian out on our first ever like proper proper date but i found out it is the weekend that i go to birmingham university coz we are dropping off my sister and since that is where i will be on sunday i kinda cant go out with sian that day which means that me waiting all this week to see her has been for nothing. ontop of that everyone is ignoringme at school pretty much except tarry sophie and bug. which is good but bad i mean really need to be on my own right now but it is just even more depressing to think that mia and that lot are actuall avoiding me coz they want to lol if i smile at them in the dining room they just blank me or if i sit next to them they leave. so annoying so i have decided to say feck the world i am eventually going to go to bournemoutha nd meet up with everyone and have a wonderful time and in the meantime keep my head down and do my work. so much social time will now be turning into work time i should be top of my class in everything. we have done 2 xc runs so far this term both of them i have won lol coz im the only one putting in any effort at all. meh call me keano or whatever but i just liek the exorcise. anyway im off for a shower sweat keps dripping onto the keypad so im off!

Sep 1, 2005 at 12:58 o\clock


by: stebbo

Mood: bored but optemisitc
Listening to: the clairvoyant - iron maiden

well i had a good day on tuesday during the day i met up with sian and we went off for a bit on our own which was good but we were really drunk so it could have been better ;) after that i started working properly for bryanston actually making calls which is totally crap coz noone wants to donate to bryanston lol i have onlyhad one donation in two days of working which is totally gay but oh well keep going i dont care coz i will be paid at the end of it! and well you know life is actually going ok i guess i dont really have any really major complaints just that i dont get to see sian very often now! and i think we will work but were not there yet im a bit worried but if we both put a small amount of effort in it will really work instead of just being in a relationship which i know a lot of people just get stuck into but i remember when i was drunk i did such a stupid thing that jsut popped into my mind luckily noone else was around but im sure sian has told everyone esepcially blonde charlie who is sian's mate (not charlie woo) and she hates me so she will find this even funnier :( i proposed to her with such a tacky ring it didnt even have a bit of coloured glass in it! :p well it went down badly lol she brushed me off and im glad she did coz it was just one of these apsoloutly fecking stupid things i do when i'm drunk! lol but it was kinda funny i guess im not going to dwell on it otherwise i might make it a ibig deal in my head and well i guess meh i dunno. on a random note dad is having our toyota valeted and im not quite sure why we never have any of our cars valeted coz its just a waste of money so god knows what has got into him. been chatting with charlie woo recently and she seems to be doing very well. on a weird not i cant remeber if i mentioned what happened to mel one time in bournemouth, the same day i get twatted a few good ones (god that sounds chavvy!!) by this oly bloke who i hardly know mel gets drunk, stoned and throttled by some holly girl lol but she came into tesco when i was finishing my shift and we chatted and she seems cool about the fact that i actually wasnt there to se eit happen and i was with dirty little rutter when he phoned for the ambulance but he got there before me so its not i dont care! well chloe was there and it gave me a chance to talk to her and now we have the same group of friends as she knows people who i hang out with so i see her every now and then and then but when mel was in the ambulance and i was one of the people gathering around outside to make sure she was allright, because she realised she couldnt put on a whole "cool" attitude towards me we said all our apologies which was quite nice and i admitted to her i just said i cheated on her to piss her off and all those kinda closure chats which seems coola nd we will prob be friends again now which is good co`z i really didnt wanna lose her as a mate but meh was good to have a chat with her! she is still a sweetie when she's not pissing u off! lol oh well but no i had a good chat with her and its all cool. not much else has happened really but it sure is good cant wait to go back to school now. lol even though im the quiet one in portman and dont say much i just cant wait to get back just to see everyone despite the fact that i dont really talkk much and im all quiet lol. i dunno the social attitude in bryanston is just not one which i am in all my holidays you know you cant just randomly go up to someone and go "hey dude love your new emo haircut dude i guess that is the look you wewre going for nt what i would do myself but you would make a good emo when you gonna die it black?...by the way my names josh who the feck are you?" kinda attitude which is cool but at bryanston its ver formal and if the not so popular people want to chat with someone they start the convo i dont do that coz its just not the way we do things lol. anyway i think i might have said enough but will updae later in the week maybe after friday coz sian might be coming over but i might also be going over charlie woo's depends on what is happening!