diary of a lost soul

Mood: excited!
Listening to: master of puppets - metallica

well me and abi split up, people say its about time but i miss her, anyway i guess its for the best, me and emily are going to try and work things out on thursday problem is i think its gonna be a shag fest which im just not up for right now but i wanna be with her so much so we'll see how it goes, oh well clubbing tonight with the lads loads of 80's dancing especially crazy feet! lol which i am slowly perfecting through many weird looks from other people! lol but we dont care well i wander if all the bryanston people read my blog...hope not geez everyone found out at school and gave me the cold shoulder coz apparantly i called everyone at bry posh! oh well i didnt but i dont care! life is so damn good right now despite small problems but none of them are gonna get to me so meh! well stuff is going ok cant wait to be able to afford my lockable mini fridge though! i miss my bryanston crew but im seeing sophie and grog soon i think and lucy is local so just the lads in the crew but their all in my house PORTMAN! woo! lol anyway so i will be seeing them loads for my last year at bryanston! which is cool, wel im off to the pub in a bit before we hit the clubs! lol problem for the clubs is once were in and bought drinks if they come to us and challenge us about our age we can have their llicense taken away for underage entry and drinks serving! anyway were only 1 year too young wotr a biggy! lol anyway under 18's tonight at club so wont be that great, hayley doesnt wanna come coz of all the young people (usually 14, 15 year olds) but after that werew off to the pub so wont be too bad, well hayley is talking to me and being friendly which is good to hear, francesca will always be there out of politeness even is she damn well hates me! lol but id ont think she does right now! anyway stuff is going ok, havnt seen and of the TH gang in ages so have gotta see them again.... sam seems to have permanently joined the TH gang which is ok by me he enjoys their company so its all good! the lads are all i seem to need right now but they do know a few chavvy people who i dont like but we street race them which is cool! devvy is a fucking loon on his car, just passed and bloody hell does he burn it! lol anyway im off now gotta go take dad in with his car for a service or somthing didnt really ask! anyway am looking forward to as results!! i could swear i saw this irl in my school called georgie allan down at the beech, didnt sa hi coz i wasnt sure but i thort i saw her but may have not been, dunno y i felt like i had to put that but oh well! lol biking is going well but there was this tosser on the ebach who wouldnt let me bike straight from poole to bmth on promenade, usually they ask u to just get off but this guy and he sent me the long way round all the way to parkstone before bmth, plenty of 4 lane roundabouts..kinda scary when ur on bike but was ok i made it! lol almost caused laodsa crashes...oh well! lol anyway im off now update when stuff happens! lol

Mood: sunburnt..in england??! CRAZY!
Listening to: downfall - children of bodom

well my steak and chips are ready to i will make it breaf, before i went to bvmth today i was white now im tanned quite well cool or what! lol well just an update to let people know i am alive and say hi! lol not been doing much but chilling round really will sign up for overtime soon at tesco and earn myself loadsa cash! just chilled in bournemouth and opened a few beers with deans money he he! and just generally had a good time damn my entire body hurts from sunburn but meh aftersun sucks cant be arsed with it! well time for myt steak! update later!

Mood: depressed as hell

i dont really want the holidays to begin in a big way because then loads of people will leave who i want to stay like tom taylor he's such a nice guy and its gonna be a big shame when he's gone...but anyway holiday is approaching and i gotta find somthing to do with myself hopefully i can get someone to cover my shifts at tesco so that the holiday to wales will still be ahppening but im not sure errr will be so annoyed if its no longer on! after all i mean gr ive been waiting to go for ages and so i hope that it does happen. but if it doesnt its moer time to see abi and more time not to see hayley and francesca s the current pattern goes...meep well h and f are talking to me which is a big bonus but h is nt really bothered at all she usually wont answer the fone and when she does she is as dismissive as ever and francesca...well she talks on msn but always insults me like when i was feeling really down about school being over and how much i dont want speech day to come she goes off on about how selfish i am...geez who am i supposed to open myself up to if not francesca? i mean well its just francesca, yaknow? you open your heart up and bam in yur face crushed so geez somepeople are just being total tw@ts but oh well life goes on, boringly and slowly but granted life goes on, cant wait to see abi again but not sure if we are gonna take the train anymore since the terrorist attacks in london so hmmmmm think we may stay in dorch or go back to mine to watch dvd's or summat. maybe when the time comes i will show her my secret little sitting place in a field where i used to go to shoot, but i dunno its my las refuge and i cant have it invaded by anyone, its where i sat when francesca dumped me, its where i sat when i found out dad had ITP, its where i sat when i had problems with emily and lizie and my B@stard streak and its where i always sit to clear my mind....if i have it invaded by anyone then its over and it is no longer my little hole where i can be just me without having my brain tainted with thoughts of other people! during the past few days i have decided that life is gonna b boring for a bit.... this will be one of the worst summers for a ling time, the few people that are talking to me will be going on holiday and so i will be left to sit at home and do bugger all except dwell over the fact that people like hayley hate my guts, i mean hayley came up with all this bs about she was talking to me coz she misses me but as soon as, in her mind anyway were made up about it and were mates again she just blanks me out, francesca doing it too! so are loads of people actually so i gues things wot be good t all this summer, i wanna stay in school where the bry gang at least will stay together, but meh people have other important people in their lives and im just gonna be stuck at home, im not even sure if t is me who has pushed them away i mean yeah i havnt been around for ages but surely people should still wanna be with me after all that...grr it bugs me, well anyway i dunno what to think abotu the whole thing i mean hayley is jus out for self gratification and actually doesnt care about me as long as she percevs the fact that she does not have an enemy in me and then things are fine but grrrrr in feeling like that i guess you could say that she is making an enemy of me because i find her attitude towards me insulting. its like a bad day when it seems to last forever, but its not a day its been a month ish now and still geez it bugs me. anyway i have it now and im late but its the last lesson ever this year so hopefully he wont mind since im ahead of the rest of the set anyway well firsat day of hosue athletics today and when toby stead dropped out of the team jt snapped at me for telling he he cant just give up and he's gotta find someone else, anyway thats another story and the least of my worries geez were gonna lose anyway but at least if we put a team forward we can get a point for the drylauth oh well tarrys decision not mine so here i go to ICT!

Mood: bored bored bored bored bored..oh yeah BORED
Listening to: everybody pays - mark knopfler

wel life is once again set around going to school and then being bored out of my brains all week long and living for the weekend, nothing really wrong with school when i think about it except the fact that it is not bournemouth and it is not tousands of friends to schoose who to meet upp with, people at bryanston are cool but i dont seem to really 100% get along with any of them but meh this weekend wont be too bad i dont think i might meet up wit3ht the sunday gang btu they seem to be splitting apart with cornflake going off with new people but im not sure i dunno i have lost up to dateness with the sunday gang so gotta meeet up more but this weekend will be a b!tch for meeting up as both mum and dad are busy so i will have to bike in to bournemouth which is cool i can christen my new tyres but i just dont know if this weekend i want to do anything maybe i jsut wanna spend a weekend vegging at home but im not even sure of that geez i dunno what i wanna do i mean everyone from the th gang is busy but surely someone must be free i dunno the smiths people are busy, TH gang is busy, sunay gang, well things seem to be in dischord there and i dont wanan get involved so i might just spend a weekend on my own biking round dorset might see abi but the outlook on that is grim i mean she tells me she is at a mates house night before and doesnt know if she can make it to dorch on sunday so i am not holding out any hope their, well i am bt i know in reality the answer is sorry cant make it! well anyway times arent changing that quickly anymore things have settled into a rut and now at least hayley and francesca are talking to me but i just think that its a kinda falseness oh we used ot be good mates with him so lets keep it going coz they have been "busy" every weekend for ages and everytime i try to "book them" in advance they say they dunno yet so geez i give in some people arew way too hard to understand how their brains work and unfortunatley most of those people are women! well ad an ok day yesterday wasnt the best ever but it was ok just pottered on like i do everyday really! its weird how many people i miss i guess i have been in a bit of a down recently with weekend social life going sh!t and i guess it does affect my life all rest of the term round but i dunno things just seem to be different with everyone the D's at school are all being ok i guess but life everywhere else isnt great and is kinda down but not otu if ya know what i mean its like its all down but nothing is out of reach but i am too down to want to reach for it right now i mean why should i be the one who ALWAYS apsoloutly 100% of the time have to arrange somthing to meet up with hayley and franesca, they invite me to their birthday parties probably out of a feeling of oh whats the word, well out of a feeling of (insert word for feeling like oytu need to because they have known me for ages" kinda feeling duty that kinda stuff like they feel obligued to or w/e i dunno what the word is i hate it when words excape me anyway they always have their birthday parties on a saturday night which i cant go out on coz im working and im usually never allowed out late after work, never quite worked out why but i cant so meh i got a physcis lesson now but will update again maybe later today in my free afternoon!