diary of a lost soul

Mood: bored
Listening to: sweet child o mine - guns n roses

and it sucks im so bored and stuck making sure everyone behavs, it sucks oh well! the school seems to have finally got hold of osmeway to stop msn2go working which totally sucks but meep at least i get to go on everytime i go home so its not too bad! damn i need a shave but meep am going home at 10 and will have one aruond then if i dont get bogged down pussyfooting around abi. me and hayley have htis joke going about how we want each other etc and abi found out about it and got in a stress with me for saying it and started ignoring me but was bloody well going on about how she never wants me to cheat on her etc about an hour later. hmm women these days its worse than it was with francesca for christ sake! oh well will be worth it this weekend, were gonna both see a film together this weekend and hopefully the film wont be much on our minds! maybe when this finally sorts out we will be a good couple but im worried im gonna be pussy footing round her for a bit but oh well maybe soon it will all sort itself out but i do really like her so i am definatley gonna stick with it and see what happens! hopefully will go really well coz she has such a good sense of humour. well its weird how little i actually have to say these days i usually have pages and pages to write. last week was ok but things really seem to be looking up since the half term holidays are fast approaching and got it all planned out! well am gonna go to mr smiths for sure just not sure when hopefully friday night when everyone will be out and it wil be amazing! anyway i better go i wil have loads to write when i get back hopefully!

Your wise quote is: "The best antiques are old
friends" by Unknown...
Your buds is the source of your happiness
(maybe not all but still). Even if it's just
one, a couple or a whole group they are the
ones you can't wait to see. It does not matter
if you're shy with everyone else or not, with
them you let your true spirit shine and can be
as loud as you want. They accept you, and you
love them for that.

What wise quote fits you?(pics) UPDATED
brought to you by Quizilla
Your a sleepy puppy.

What type of puppy r u?
brought to you by Quizilla
Your Elenore!

What type of car are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Mood: bored sensless
Listening to: goodnight kiss - dreamtheatre

damn triple assignment period well i literally have had elain in taking off tarry's sheets which he didnt do this morning! oh well i dont really have much to say on that subject except this one word....meh revision is doing my head in but i guess i should struggle on will be worth it at the end hopefully. well george came yesterday and we got kicked out of hunter really quickly so we just came to portman and chilled before going to blandford for a bit of chilling before george went home! ahh well he's such a legend! possibly worthy of the title bob almostg definatley! lol ah well managed to kill me a rat last night, was in the rabbit's run when we went to put them away so i shot the fecker in the ass really badly wonded it but didnt kill it but it staggered off and died somwhere with blood loss like that, had to clean up all the blood but meh, was worth it! dont really have much to say but i needed a break from revision so meh! am soooo hungry right now and i eaten the last of my food which sucks well breaks in 35 mins so will have toast soon! well that is if any is left meh if there aint i can never be bothered to wait around so will just make sure i go to lunch! well maybe a nice little sleep is what i need will blog when i have more to say

Mood: he he im a gangster barbie!

You're Gangsta Bitch Barbie. You're tough and you
like it rough, and of course you like to pop a
cap in any wiggers ass.

If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
brought to you by Quizilla
good to know im a ganster barbie....lol

Your soul is vengeful.
That is the driving feeling you have in your
life right now. Someone fooled/betrayed you
really bad and now you are after them to make
them pay. Your heart and mind has been
blackened by your hate for this person and it's
on the line obsession. You need to let go, but
that is something you just are incapable of
doing. Betrayal is something you don't take
very lightly and you can easily make new
enemies. People often see you as a cold and
harsh person who may be in need of anger
management, but they don't know what you're
going through and can't understand. On the
bright side; you don't give up that easy when
you've decided to do something. Hopefully you
will have your revenge, if it is within reason,
and get your honour and dignity back.

How is your soul?(pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

You kill for
revenge.
That is because you have lost something or
someone you held very dear. Now you can't seem
to get over the loss that marked your soul, and
the only solution is to go after the one person
who brought all this pain to you. Chances are
you are angry inside and you bottle everything
up and don't talk to anyone about it. People
may want to help, but you think that they can
never understand your pain and only get
frustrated because of this. But it is important
to see all that you have left and be thankful
of that even if you have lost something great.
It may not be true that Times heals all wounds,
but with time and talking about your feelings,
maybe the hurt will ease.

Main weapon: Yourself
Quote: "You can close your eyes to
reality but not to memories" -Stainslaw J.
Lec
Facial expression: Gritted teeth and
teary eyes

What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla Your Gothic... Maybe even a bit Vampyric... Your
very sensitive, sometimes you can be outgoing
in your own population. Your sometimes Lonely,
but when your alone your much happier. If your
suicidal, it's okay, because your the kewlest
person I know!....well don't actually know you
but yeah! Write me and Tell Me if you picked
Napoleon or Ron!

Are you a Vampire/Goth/Punk/Poser/Emo/ or just a plain PREP!?
brought to you by Quizilla
~*~Beautiful Soul~*~ You're the type of person who is loving, giving,
sweet, generous, genuine, and optimistic. You
see the beauty around you and you admire it for
its faults, as well as perfections. Most likely
a dreamer, you are highly respected and liked.
People like to be around you because you make
them happy. You have a wonderful personality
and you're beautiful inside and out! Please Rate or message me! Thank you for taking my
quiz! XoXo

Mood: bored
Listening to: lucky - hoobastank

well i now have the sum total of 7 empty coke cans on my desk to put towards the coke can pyramid! gonna have a 10 x 10 base and build it up coz im sad like that and have nothing better to do with my spare time between revising sessions! damn problem is i have no more money to buy coke! damn al i need is 2 quid and i can get another 6 of tesco cola! oh well saving up time! talked to laura jordan for the first time in ages today...rather shocked to find she got a bf..ok i know wee would have never worked but we had a kinda thing and how rude not to tell me! ok i wouldnt have minded since i have a gf but manners!! geez oh well following the code is getting easier by the day as i get settled into my new routine before i tried and once miserably failed with emily, lizzie and loads of other girls i cant remember the names of and then again with sophia but now its looking like a good straight! i think that this weekend is gonna rock! i now get 2 social days this week! wwait no 3! not here on wednesday! OH YEAH i rock! and then get saturday and sunday off! and guess who i'm seeing on sunday? oh yeah abi! i rule i rule! then im seeing lauren, lydia and sam on saturday which will be cool obviously i recently seen lauren but havnt seen lydia for ages. then tuesday im meeting up with the smiths group cant wait to see tammy again but its a total b!tch coz tyhen i cant go to sharons party but times i get to see abi are few and far between with both our busy scedules so i will make it up to sharon as soon as i can and then monday the sunday gang is rearranging its meetups i hope so hopefully can get them out for monday, if not i guess i'll call on hayley francesa and the TH gang then wednesday i will get ready to go back to school but will have time to meet everyone in blandford jimmy will be free but hopefully dan will not be at tesco all day and i'll hopefully see luke when he gets back from furlong pine god knwos how you spell it but they got weird yellow vans! oh well on a more serious note shouldnt i be feeling exam stress by now? i dunno if thats a good or bad thing but hey! if people have a bit of spare time on their hands go to www.inselkampf.co.uk if your using a mac you will have to open it in IE coz otherwise you get the german server and its a really cool and slightly basic version of empire quest but instead of spaceships its about ports and building armies! its really addictive! well sometime next week i gotta see francesca coz i havnt seen her for bloody ages and im gonna try to get lizzie out but it will probably be a no hoper since she is now pissed off with me again! well if she cant take my opinions and accept that people cant feel happy about people all the itme, like im sure she hasnt exactly considered me on her friendlist around christmas time so screw it when she's ready she'll be back coz we did have a good chat so i guess she needs to do one of a few things, clear her head, calm down or somthing else i dunno but w/e she gotta do i'll just chill aorund till its done! well anyway im gonna go eat my breakfast now shoulda really had breakfast at home but i slept it!

Mood: so very tired despite my social day was a sleeping one
Listening to: undivided - bon jovi

hmmm well saw star wars this weekend...bloody amazing film brilliant! well was good to get out with the family and do stuff again so was fun! hardly any chavs there luckily! well its so good to not have to go to lessons anymore but our study leave means we still have to be in school which is really gay but cant do anything about it! anyway excited about wednesday when my sisters art exhibition opens up....well it opens to the public on thursday but we get a viewing etc on wednesday so cant wait to see it! 1 year later and she finished her final project! oh well she's off to uni soon to study geography lol bet dads happy bout that! well as sooon as a levels end i get my gap year then can get a job and be independant! mel's llucky coz she got an aprenticeship which pays very well guaranteed so she doesnt even have to worry about GCSE's but i hope she still tries hard for personal pride! well got my 1 day holiday a year sorted from tesco and im off to wales! gonna be so cool just me, my bike and snowdonia! well all of sunday was spent at home catching up on physics which sucked but i wasnt 100% dedicated to it so i didnt get much done but i managed to do 1 paper so i didnt do too bad! next weekend though will be a good one, sharons party from 2 till 5 then straight back too shapwick for the end of the shapwick fete and another party at amy's which is an all night party so willl have to leave early coz of bloody school but since im biking there its upt o me when i go home so will depend on how good the party is! havnt biked home pissed out of my brain in ages! was so funny when we all thought sam had ended up in a ditch when he left at 2 in the morning from lukes.... amy was so funny back then!! loll well got paid this friday so im rich! went on a bit of a spending spree though so thats £20 down the drain allready! well i got 60 left and i got pocket money coming in at the start of next month so will finally be able to afford my provisional.....now just gotta save up for the lessons! well thats the expensive bit! hopefully be offered loads of overtime once my exams have finished! and then theres the whole summer holiday to work when im not in wales so will have a good time! well chatted with lizzie this weekend and all im sahing on that is oops! well it'll sort itself out soon hopefully! on a random note who came up the the phrase "this is assfcukingly boring" coz its a bit random isnt it! well bumped into dan in blandford on friday and chilled out for a bit which was cool but apart from that this weekend kinda sucked! well hopefully will be ok when next weekend comes as long as i dont get detention or sally really will blow her nut since i had to rearrange my shift 3/4 weeks last month! she's annoyed that i have commitments other than tesco coz whenever i have detention she is really stroppy for about 2 weeks and will never come over to authorise alchohol sale or anything like that until the customer walks over to her pissed off which is always funny! ah well hopefully earn loads this summer. decided it would be best if for the next few weeks i keep my social day as packed as possible to keep my stress down for the exam i spent all my social day this week sleeping pretty much but it wasnt too bad i mena hey you gotta spend one day every niow and then sleeping, eating and watching TV right??! its really gay that after as levels we gotta get straight into a levels but oh well so does TH so its not that bad at least hayley, francesca, lizzie, nicole, emily, mim, steph and everyone else wont be rubbing it in mine, JT's and sams throat! god knows whats happening with charlie and dan right now but hopefully they can sort it, oh well looks like dan doesnt have a basss player for a bit which is gay but at least their new band sounds better than the old one that played at su's house party! they truly sucked! worst rendition of californicationn i ever heard! well that party sure went off with a bang! gotta get a copy of the tape of that still apparantly its really funny and embarassing! lol well maybe i should start revising now
bon jovi- bounce
That was my brother lost in the rubble
That was my sister lost in the crush
That was our mothers, those were our children
That was our fathers, that was each one of us
A million prayers to God above
A million tears make an ocean of

[chorus:]
One for love
One for truth
One for me, one for you

I found spirit, they couldn’t ruin it
I found courage in the smoke and dust
I found faith in the songs you silenced
Deep down it’s ringing out in each of us
Yeah... yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

[chorus:]
One for love
One for truth
One for me, one for you

Where we once were divided, now we stand united
We stand as one... undivided.
How many hands? how many hearts?
How many dreams been torn apart?
Enough, enough... the time has come to rise back as

[chorus:]
One for love
One for truth
One for me, one for you

Where we once were divided now we stand united
We stand as one... undivided.

Undivided.
Undivided.

One for love
One for truth
One for me, one for you
Where we once were divided, now we stand united
We stand as one... undivided.

Mood: cant wait to see star wars!!
Listening to: be quick or be dead - iron maiden

well this weekend is gonna be ok i guess i have time ot meet lauren and lydia before my shift at tesco, then im off with my sister to see star wars and then all of sunday imgonna have to spend catching up with physics but its my fault for getting behind anyway so it doesnt bother me! cant get the conversaition i had with lizzie last night out of my head, we talked bout how we felt at the time when i cheated on her with emily and feelings came out from ehr that i think she has been repressing since she now trusts me and im not sure whats going on but i think there may be a bit of chemistry there but thats jst tough vcoz i got a gf and it may not be going great but it surely is going someplace i wanna go to and well we'll just have t wait till we can meet up loads then it will really take off if you know what i mean ;)!!! well also been chatting with tammy it seems a total b!tch that we can hardly ever meet up but she will probably be seeing loads of me in the summer at mr smiths! well i hope i have enough money to party hard everynight but i doubt i will! well it will be good to get out even if it is just 4 times a week to mr smiths and rock it down there! then maybe we can see bob again! spoke to him on msn a while ago he seems ok but its annoyign that we ahrdly ever see eachother anymroe since he convinced me to buy my first metallica album! if anyone wants a mixture of metal and classsical music get the metallica album S&M!!! its got the royal symphony orchestra of california supporting metallaica through all their songs and it just makes it really moving and certainly music worth lstening to! even if your not into metal there are a few you will love! well he also convinced me to get the black album, i took his decision blindly and wow is it an amazing album! well anyway cant wait till my paycheck comes in so i can get the new system album!!! well its time for me to go home now for the weekend, just had IT which was ok....had a piss easy test so meh had a lie in and came to school at bout 9 45 so was an ok day i guess and its about to get a lot better!!
i wanna put some lyrics down for a bit of mental stimulation!

fallen angels - aerosmith

There’s a candle burning in the world tonight
For another child who vanished out of sight
And a heart is broken, another prayer in vain
There’s a million tears that fill a sea of pain

Sometimes I stare out my window
My thoughts all drift into space
Sometimes I wonder if there’s a better place

Where do fallen angels go
I just don’t know
Where do fallen angels go
They keep falling

Well the times is frightening
Can’t ignore the facts
There’s so many people
Just slippin’ through the cracks

So many ashes are scattered
So many rivers run dry
Sometimes your heaven is hell and you don’t know why

(but let me tell ya)
Where do fallen angels go
I just don’t know
Where do fallen angels go
They keep falling

Can vou hear me
Can you hear me
Somewhere out there there’s a shining light
And I got to be with you tonight

And with all we’re nowhere
We still pay the price
Yeah the devil seems to get his way
In downtown paradise

Where do fallen angels go
I just don’t know
Where do fallen angels go
They keep falling

Wbere do fallen angels go
I just don’t know
Where do fallen angels go
They keep falling

There’s a candle burning la la la etc.

peace out people and have a great weekend!

Mood: tabnaccat
Listening to: puh zuje - ubah ymm hekrd

edc cu yhhuoehk dra ahdena clruum ryc crihhat sa vun drec teyno/pmuk semmeuhc uv baubma ryja dras pid baubma tuhd caas du ihtancdyht e ryja hu bnupmasc ykyehcd ymsucd ymm uv pnoyhcduhpid ed ec cesbmo dra vyld dryd e ryja ehcimdat cusa baubma yht lymmat baubma bucr dryd drec ryc kud uid yht edc y dudym byeh eh dra ycc. fro lyhd baubma, acbaleymmo baubma fru ryja ubahmo sulgat sa aedran eh funt un eh mayjehk lussahdc/kiacdpuug ahdneac edc zicd cyt yht jano baddo....culeym cieleta? fru fyhdc du pa bynd uv y lussihedo dryd crihc cusauha vun fnedehk y teyno

Mood: tired and bored
Listening to: monthy python sketches

give to charity by clicking on the button on www.thehungersite.com
little thoughts right now as im so tired but am jjust sitting here listengin to CoB wrath withing and i am so bored so wanna put in another little set of lyrics from children of bodom

. Silent Night, Bodom Night

On the eve of their doom
they are baptized
in the unholy waters of Bodom
With no hint of the torture awaiting
to greet them at the break of dawn

When the calm is setting in
we'll watch it swiftly disappear
Too many years of silence
soon he's bound to reappear

The Reaper
is calling for you to come home
With the thrust of a switchblade
on the grip of a madman
And the waters of Bodom
turn a blood shade of red
As the Children Of Bodom
lake their last breath.

When the calm is setting in
we'll watch it swiftly disappear
Too many years of silence
soon he's bound to reappear

meh takes so long to put it all those line breaks but meh gives me more things to do with my time wasting efforts! i chatted with Tammy last night again and its really annoying coz she goes to see her dad every sunday which is usually the only day im free since school and my job are a massive drainer on my time but i will see her and charlie soon since charlie owes me a drink! lol well also i might now not be seing abit his weekend which is also really gay coz my physics teacher has given me loads of physics papers to do over the weeekend coz im behind and he wants them in no matter what which is really gay but meh what can you do! hopefully abi will understand since she did abandon me the week before anyway! and on my birthday she goes of to another party....how rude! ah well hopefully we will see her soon! some wise ass has decided to mail bomb me and whoever it is ha you lose since i use gmail they clump them all together so those 2 million emails you sent me? i can click with one button...oh and dont worry about wasting my storage space....Gmail more than 2 gigs or storage! lol didnt even hit 10% lol getting that god awfulc ramp again in my wrists from typing so meh! in the words of cornflake...meh! lol i have been called in for an extra shift at tesco this wek but i dunno if i an be bothered but i am broke, my bank balance being 7 quid! but hey got my bank statement thorugh last night, amount in 200 quid, amount out 194 quid so i went from 1 quid up to 7! so bonus to me! lol spent all of last night chilling orund at home and it was really weird when mum came in to see me and hannah making a fry up at 3 in the mornnig lol well she was so tired she almost collapsed there and then so she went back off to bed and i finally got my leather jacket back from johnsons and it finally has a zip! cool thing also is im gonna see star wars on saturday evening with my sis! which will be cool, going straight form tesco, will get changed in her car and watch star wars...not fair though mia saw it at the world premier coz her dad is a famous director but im finally going to see it! i cant wait to settle an arguament i had in year 5 with simon kevern about how anakin has to get in the darth vadar life support suit, i said he falls into a pit of llava, simon said it was because he got burned in fire so simply the same but wanna see which is correct! well chatted to hannah last night about ben and smartie and that lot and hannah is turning into sucha bloke its wiked!! drinks snakebite by the pint and thinks pricking about enjoying yourself no amtter what everyone thinks of oyu is more fun than standing around chatting! she's now a total legend so all comments about how annoying my sis is are allt aken back now she has seen the light! lol well will not forget the chat i had with mel this weeekend while drinking malibu and coke under bournemouth pier and i guess everyone else wont forget either since she got ocmpletely hammered! lol belss her! and almost knocking out dan with the frisbee, i didnt even mean to he just didnt get outta the way! lol also the fact he was facing the other direction doesnt help! well no mr smiths this weekend again due to lack of funds but cant wait to finally have money to go down there again...pln for the summer is to work for massive paycheck and then burn it all biking to bournemouth and beach bumming it for the day then sprucing up in time to go to smiths then bike home early morning or drive depending if francesca or sam come! gonna be a good summer. gotta find out from sally when my holidya with tesco is so i can get off to wales for 2 weeks is gonna rock, me the mountains and my bike! i think hannah is gonna pull out but if not cool! lol also have plans for my 18th sorted out now! hannah wants me to come up to birmingham and go out with her for the night to get totally plastered and piss about with everyone up there! lol cant wait for that despite the fact its ages away! well cant wait to see everyone again from TH have to organise a mass meeting again!!!

Mood: tired
Listening to: ego brain - system of a down

well i got arm cramp from typing loads and owe when i tense too muchi t hurts! meh ah well turns out me n abi r doing ok now after a bit of a scare which is cool! hopefully i will actually see her soon! i been listening to this song all day here is some lyrics from it
I never went to college
I don’t have a degree
Let’s say I went to night school
I learned all I know on the streets
I wasn’t born a rich man
I ain’t got no pedigree
The sweat on this old collar
That’s my ph.d.

It comes down to this
I wouldn’t exist
Without you it ain’t worth the grind
I’d fight for one kiss
On a night like this
You make me feel I could fly, like

Chorus:
I could save the world
Since the night your love saved me
Maybe I can’t save the world
But as long as you believe
Maybe I could save the world

I got to confess
Sometimes I’m a mess
And sometimes I step out of line
Like this old tattoo
I ain’t shiny or new
With you by my side nothing matters

Chorus:
I can save the world
Since the night your love saved me
Maybe I can’t save the world
But as long as you believe
Maybe I can save the world

Guitar solo

They can say it’s blind love
But it’s a fool who don’t believe
That I’d fly all the way to the moon
Just to walk you down your street

Chorus:
I can save the world
Since the night your love saved me
Maybe I can’t save the world
But as long as you believe
Our love is even stronger
Than God hoped it could be
Baby, all it takes is
Just a little faith in me
To feel like
I can save the world
I can save the world


i know blogigo wont separate it into lines so here goes the copy and pat of that line code well now thats done back to my brain! its burning full of thoughts, now we managed to finally get louise to germany at last. i guess its good but its just another examly of how alyse (yes you alyse!) may not like your parents but your not in germany hiding from them! well anyway cant wait to see alyse and that lot again in two weeks time its not fair they get study leave...grrrr hope i fall ill or somthing so i can get leave too! ah well lessons end soon so i can just chill round house everyone seems so stressed bout as levels i guess its just my total bone idleness that keeps me calm! lol well it was good to see mel again last weekend and good to see she's happy with her new bf after the list she's gone through! i feel so bad for alyse though ok i havnt known her all that long but she deserves a good bday at least! from what i hear her last one was awful, this one was better but still not good so so hmm good luck for next year i guess! well cant wait till summer now....8 weeks of pure relaxing and biking ot bournemouth or the beath everyday chilling free reign...i can earn so much mooney tis ridiculus but i prob wont since i willw anna socialise loads! lol meh social life at school is crappy but meh i get by with a few mates im happy i'll just keep my head down and get on with it! i just hope for the love of god that cornflake keeps to her current state of relative calm! maybe its exams and she'll perk up once they are over but the new quieter cornflake is so much more fun! she still really loud and outgoing but its bearable without all the screaming now! lol well talking bout loud people i cant wait to get to mr smiths again last time was totally wild and i cant wait!!! cant wial till holidays though mr smiths at least twice a week! all my pay is gonna be burned like toilet paper!!!! lol hopefully another beach party soon though as brooksie is planning his but i wanna plan a beach party...just one rule though...plenty of lynx cans for sh!ts and giggles! on a more serious note its really annoying how bob and erin are always busy now i havnt seen bob for like a month and grr ah well will ring him sometime tell him he better come or else! lol meh ahvnt really got an or else...except take away his name bob! well im off now might pretend and do some work! lol well im going home very soon 11/2 anhour early yay! lol

Mood: bored
Listening to: inner vision - system of a down btu i will put on some children of bodom after this song!!

did i mention that i now have an opportunity possibly get to Peru for 4 years as soon as a levels end? im gonna go out and help build hospitals....and the good thing is bryanston school fees will pay for it from the fund that the headmaster has for people going off to do charity work and stuff on their gap year.... it qutie funny all the really posh people will spend a gap year skiing getting money from daddy while im off earning my keep building hospitals! lol its not a fair generalisations saying all guys at bryanston are daddies boys or daddies girls but some are its got to be said.... well anyway im going to be in peru for 4 years if all goes to plant hen i can come back join the airforce and be given basic weapons trainging and ATCO training which will be cool! well a thought that keeps popping into my head is brooksies party this summer, its ages away but i now need a party good enought o consider my recent mr smiths outing not to be the best party ever! on that note i have an updatee on the mrs smith's outing! now the police have found out i didnt r@pe her or even sleep with her, protected or otherwise which is good! me and tammy are now even mates and she wants to be fcuk buddies...hmm shame i have a gf ey!!? well the new me doesnt cheat so i told her that i have a gf but i will keep her offer in mind if ever anything goes wrong so i dont have to worry about that! lol also my blandford fcuk buddy is now playing up and telling me not to go after other women too even though i specifically told her i dont wanna have a commited relationship and hey she's on hold anyway since i havea gf! god girls this day are so controlling! i mean first there was lizzie whot ried to mother me, i swear if i had to hear her telling me to not drink so much or to quit smoking once more i would have got in there before she did and dumped her..but hey...i kinda got in there before she idd...with her best mate and my (then) ex so ha to lizzie! lol ahh well life goes on! well that was in the peak of the me being a cheating b@stard run which i hope is over now! lol ahh well me, luke, dan and dean are still laughing at the fact that tammy lept on me outside mr smiths! it was so funny first she lept on dean but he was sober enought o throw her off but she dragged me in and boy is she not half bad even when she is totally plastered she can give good head! lol well i told her last night on msn and then thats when she asked if she wanted to be fcuk buddies! so cool! lol and then theirs charlie! she's probably not oging to go out with dan now so if i keep my flirting going i can probably have a back up for wen abi fails....since i lost my backup in wots her face..the one who had a fiancee! lol they broke up and then the playw as open..but the legendary amit got in there before me i gotta point out that alpha male 2 comes after alpha male 1 in the hierarchy!! lol that was ages ago i ame up with that when we were on the pulla nd all p!ssed out of our faces!! lol then we made him an honourary member of the blandford rock crew!! lol on that note i gotta meet up with them soon i havnt seen jimmy in ages! well thats a lie i saw him inthe streets but i hardly spoke to him as he was wit that fit punk chick wots her face so didnt wanna ruin his karma!!! i guess soon i will have to spend the god fabled day with abi and in a way i cant wait but hmmmmm after last time i spent a day with a girl the repercussions when we broke up were awful! hopefulyl not be that bad this time!! well im going ot be off now to go to ICT i think! not sure when the lesson ends but will blog gain later this evening as i got loads to say....probably at end of first prep! (7 15)

Mood: was tired....now on the verge of bothering to smile in my lazyness

last night was en emotionally thrilling night for me, i chatted with francesca bout when we first et, and she opened up to me about things she never told me but we used to talk about casually. back then i wanted to be an assassin, i guess its kinda oging to become true but i really wanted to be a hitman and claudia just laughed and said it was a stupipd job so i eventually walked off and left them! but francesca admitted to me last night she found it a total turn on.....whats up with that!!? lol we had a good heart to heart and it sure made me smile! my first exam was on monday, i should hae mentioned it and if i did well youc an hear about it again! it went really well so fingers crossed for the rest of them. i talked to my tutor last night with loads of anti establishment messages lke "fcuk the system" and "live now, pay later" all over my arms and he got so p!ssed off it was fun! well he didnt compliment me on my very good top marks in classical civilisation but took great polite in looking at my 3 Fs in chemistry...meh he's sad and petty whats new!?! im going to see abi this weekend and i cant wait. then george is coming to see us next tuesday which is cool! hopefully will have a good next few weeks. everyone goes on study leave friday but we stay at school which is good for exams butbad for the morale so will probably get annoyed for a bit but by the end i will just get on with it as i usually do! cant wait to see abi though will be good to see her! well i guess i should confess that ive been very crabby recently and i had an arguament with alyse over the weekend after we met up, i honestly dont know what got into me and ic ant even blame it on periods!!! lol well she means the world to me and she's a really sweet lady so i hope this wont get in the way of our friendship too much! well i am going to go and do masses of cough cough revision now!

Mood: optemistic
Listening to: mrs groombridge trying to teach...which she cant!

i am in chemistry and once again mrs groombridge is going over somthing i understand...i dont actually think ive learned anything the 1/2 year i have ben in her class! oh well all im gonna say now is i feel that as life is slowly ebbing by, there is a lot left but these moments shall never come again so i do have to make the most of them.... no matter what happens i must try my hardest and not let anything get me down. i had a bit of a bad night last night, i got really stressed out at alyse when i got home and started drinking again but i apologised and its sorted. then i couldnt get to sleep and i had an exam early in the morning so i was sh!tting myself hoping i was gonna get get to sleep but i couldnt, i woke up in plenty of time, had a wake up shower and a cofee then kept relaxed for the exam, it went really well and i think i did do well. probably a B under my belt so im quite happy about that! i think that everyone from the sunday gang who are doing GCSE's will do ok. and all the TH gang are gonna fail gracefully unless they ahve been preparing hard, which i hope they will anyway im off now will blog again soon

well i am respolnsible for making sure i guess i have somthing i wanna say and i dunno where i am going ot say it so i am gonna say it here. im thinking of leaving england forev er but there are so many things holding me back. i guess i could never leave if push came to shove but the option is there and i wouldnt probably take it now but hmm i always think about it. very few people hold me back but there people with whom i have massive bonds, people like francesca and alyse. both of them have hearts of pure gold. even people like chloe i will miss, she can be a pain in the arse and we are really mean to each other but she's really sweet and caring whne oyu get to know her. anyway i gotta go people are playing up! grrr

Mood: the beginnings of a msile are on my face!
Listening to: computers hum

well i feel ill which is gay since i have as levels starting on monday so grrrr. my leather jacket is now being fixed for 2 weeks wehich sucks so much coz i love that jacket! i got my other one but hmm times are slowly changing and i feel like, for once, im changing with them! many times i have felt left behind and abandoned but hmm im taking an active role in my life and im changin with them, i cant wait to see the sunday gang again coz i havnt seen them for ages and i miss almost all of them. infact thats a lie i miss all of them, wait...hmm yeah i guess i do miss chloe a bit, its weird she's just annoying so much but my life is kinda dull and so i even miss being annoyed by chloe! hmm well i guess that will change after i see everyone again! francesca's off doing her young enterprise competition because she got through to the finalss so good luck with that! talbot heath is another area of my social life, which is well once again dying! only due to exams, we're gonna be meeting up loads int he summer when im not working or off in wales! wales is gonna rock, im gonna finally see snowdonia in anywhere other than a brohure or a geography text book. maybe its just me but the world i feel is opening up to me and my gap year is oging ot be apsoloutly crazy! im gonna go to either africa or Peru and help build a hospital or a school out there. your nto alive unless your out doing somthing so i cant wait to be able to start living my life! life with mates chilling all the time is the good life and i love it but hteres somthing about being off adventuring which just buts a shadow on everything i have strived for inmy friendship groups, that doesnt mean i am going to just abandom them, oh no i love all my friends too much, and yes love is a word i would use for them, most of my close friends i would die to protect. well times slowly change and people change with them but things are slowwly pushing through, like doing a large turd....hard at first but once it starts to come through the rest just flows out and then there is a massive feeling of relief once its out..a rather vulgar, but i feel relevant comparison! well i have had a good time recently and i hope it continues and right now i have nothing to b!tch about, the chemisty staff being pety doesnt even bother me, meh i'll do the detention and just work i guess i could do with some more forced work time! well maybe times really are good right now, maybe they were good all along but i let my arrogance and pride get in the way but hopefully i can stil look back on the bad times and say that i enjoyed mmoments, i have always stressed there is good in everyone, which is why i refuse to believe chloe is a total slag, well im still waiting to see a good side to her but i know its in there and i know she will refuse to show it to me, but i know its int here as her friends see it and so im happy. mel, well mel is a worry but theres nothing i can do and i cannot afford to get stressed and be on anti depressants for my exams so im tryna forget about her telling me she's gonna end her life (again) she's not someone who could go through with it, she just isnt that sort of person, she always tries to put a msile on peoples face so she will be ok. maybe times are changing for the better and i am enjoying these changes now and im suure i will for a while to come yet! im determined to enjoy every moment of bryanston to the fullest.
it was so funny yesterday because i poured a small amount of water over sophies head and she felt the need to throw a whole mug of water in my croth so i embarassed al of my matyes by walking round the school and pointing at my crotch saying "look i pissed myself!!!!" well all the D's are doing ifne too, puxie is smiling, bug is actually not so depressed anymore and Lucy and Jenny are doing fine, but Mia is, well depressed but we can all cheer her up with a big smile and a few playful tickles! i dont like seeing Mia unhappy because she is such a nice girl! well i better actually do some work now or else i may be in even more detentions! so will blog again tomorow or later on today if anything happens...or if my children of bodom CD's finally arrive!

well she cant teach and im not learniing anything so feck it i'll blog! hmm mrs groombridge is possibly the worst teacher i have ever had in my life, she goes on some long winded explaination whena ll the other teachers just tell us the facts....its so annoying maybe i should tell all about somthing.... francesca is starting to tell me how she misses me ringing her but whenever i do ring her she is always grumpy. i know she does miss it, that is not the question, but she's always asking me to ring her and she is always busy or in a huff or grumpy or somthing like that....well anyway its now 12 34 and i had to close my laptop for a mock test for physics but im back to finish blogging! i guess right now im kinda on an emotional high, its not that ig an emotional high, but its enough to keep me going for the next few hours or so. lunch in a bit is so being looked forward to 1 05.....cant wait! its actually rather cold in the tech block, ishoulda worn a t-shirt underneath my shirt but oh well sh!t happens. its weird to think i am almost half ay through being a senior at bryanston....i have come on so much from the fat shy kid who came here in D and despite my thoughts about this school at particular moments in time i will always have so much ot thank bryanston for, all my friends i have met either at bryanston or through sam who i met at bryanston! well hmm loads to tell about how things have been turning out and i guess not much of it is of any benefit to anyone! well one thing i have to complaina bout right now is hmm well i guess nothing really! i feel down and i dunno why but im starting to feel optimistic avbout myfuture...basically since i started to finish my blog entry! well i dunno its jujst somthing which i can do nothing about and maybe time will change but right now i am happy! maybe ass time changes this will change too but i hope not! anyway i better make it look as though i am doing more work than i am so i will bolog again soon!

Mood: tired
Listening to: fear of the dark- iron maiden

this weekend was quite a good one considering next monday my AS levels start. there was steph's birthday party and it was wild, more than enough weed to get 10 elephants pissed! enough alchohol for everyone there 10 times over! i got really druink and stupidly got in there with fat phillipa, but i dont wanna talk about it, just thinking of it makes me wanna puke! anyway sophia got really upset about this and so she was really drunk crying about it, i went up to comfort her and ended up spending the rest of the night with her. was a nice end to a bad week. during the week i have had a few problems, this really petty teacher in my school called mrs grugueon (cant spell french names for sh!t) gave me a detention for handing in the wrong asssignment claiming it was a deliberate attempt at deception..... dont even get it myself but hey! mr haslam, my housemaster, stood up for me and and told the chemistry department he thought this was a stupid reason to put me in detention for, but said i would do the detention and so it's good that he's standing up for me, maybe htis will help teachers realise that im not a no hoper, i do care about my grades, i just find it really hard to keep it together, maybe it will change over time but ive only got this school year and then next school year and then i am off from education and joining the airforce after a gap year. somthing to look forward to, but also to hope never will come i guess since after that i leave the sheltered world of school, where iw ill admitt i am willing to be sheltered with the smothering protection the school gives you but i know i wanna leave but i think about it and will miss it once i have left, im determined to enjoy my time at bryanston despite the fact that im not exactly the most social person, i keep most of my friends outside school, i guess you could say i dont fit in at my school but i have a close friendship group of people and another clsoe friendship group with people 3 years beneath me. i dunno why but they are so nice people and since people in shapwick, where i used to hang out are younger than me i guess age isnt such a bother to me, if people are 3 years younger than me but just as mature and fun to be around then why the hell shouldnt i hang out withe them. i will admitt its nice knowing they look up to you and respect you but we are all on the same level as each other and its good fun! like after the party on staurdya night lucy rang me and asked, since she lives in the village directly next to mine, she rang me and asked if i wanted to go to the car boot sale, it was cool but the car boot sale was totally shitty so w just chilled out and mindlessly walked around with me feeling so sh!tty, not froma hangover coz i never really get hungover,, but from the pure tiredness of not falling asleep till 4 in the morning and being woken up by giggling girls at 5 30!! ah well. hopefully seeing abi next weekend, but she is being a bit slippery and even on my birthday party, she told me she would come to mr smiths and then when i rang her to ak where she was and i eventually got a text saying sorry im at a mates house party cant come! so meh hopefully we will meet up though coz she is really cool but somthings a miss, i guess itsa the same thing thats a miss with sophia, i know they both like(d) me but their personalities mean that they are kinda like a bit of a player and will not do anything unless it is played exactly by their rules i mean, abi never answers her phone, fact so everything has to be done by text or msn or email and its a pain in the ass when its so muche asier to do it by phone, but she, very rarely, but she will ring me, only done it once and women like this sure are annoying and it confuses me as to why they feel like they have to do this....anyway i better go im only blogging because i just got kicked out of a lesson to do an overdue assignment so i best get on with it!

Mood: read 2 posts ago fro blog!

Your Hidden Power Is Fire

You have a strong and courageou soul. You show
no fear when it comes to protecting the ones
you love. You know when choosing between right
and wrong. You also are quite the rebel.

Gem Stone:Ruby, Eye
Color:Red,Hair Color:Red with Blonde
streaks that is just below your arm pits pulled
back into a pony tail.

Quote:If you're lost I'll keep you warm
and if your low just hold on..cause I will be
your safety.....don't leave home.....

What Is Your True Hidden Power? .::Beautiful Anime Pics::.
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Mood: read my previous entry
Listening to: read my previous entry

You represent... happiness. Boy, are you full of cheer or what...? You have a
sunny disposition and enjoy trying to spread
your happiness. You have a tendency to be a
little hyper, but you have the ability to make
your own fun no matter what.

What feeling do you represent?
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Wisdom

What Kanji word best suits you?
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