Mood: i shot myself and i feel better because of it
Listening to: master of puppets-metallica
shot myself in the foot with an air pistol last night....maybe i'll be off games for the rest of the term now! dunno y i did it i just did.... well its official i am now at rock bottom, i tried to explain my situation to alyse and say, look i can still get on with my life why cant you get through with far less stress than i have, she did the whole "my life is more stressful" thing so i told her all about my life, well i say all its wasnt all, i told her all the hard impacting thijngs, i didnt go into other major things which also hurt me everyday and depress me everyday. before i lived to see her at the weekend and now i live, well i gott figure out a enw reason. i have developed a method of anti depressant pills without subscription, you see when you take a large dose of paracetomol, the body detects it and floods your body with endorphine, these endorphines make youf eel better, problem is if you take too much, obviously you die basically you have to balance it so that your body runs close to death but happy, not a veyr clever thing to do but hey, the other option is to erun really hard and fast and for a long period of time to get the same endorphine rush and i am just not motivated to do that. a great man once said that "depression is anger without motivation" its true, when i get motivated i wont be depressed i will be angry, probably primarily with myself but oh well what can i do about that. i am always an asshole and i always fcuk it up. well i guess theres one thing to learn from this, when you meet a new group of people, never ever abandon your old group of friends like i did, now i have nothign at all its all over and im just gonna more around depressed for a few months and then get my life back on track, difference is, after francesca i had the luxury of seeing her everyday for the time straight after our breakup, good or bad? both but overall superposing good and bad i am left with good. superpose good and bad with what happened with alyse? well i hope it will be good but i will have to wait and see. i, rather bad timing i must say!! got a text from alyse last night, i read it and just after lauren texted me asking to meet up, i told her sorry im too depressed about alyse, dont think she took that too well. i cant even try to fight for alyse coz i did one of the worst things ever, i asked her somthing that was playing on my mind for ages, are you thinking of going off with nick? well that just makes me, as alyse put it, and i guess i have to agree with her, it makes me scum. i deserve it though so i cant complain well im gonna go get some coffee now. after i tell you an interesting thing to do! during lessons take double ddose sleeeping pills and you pass out in the lesson! works a treat! anyway i think thats gonna be my skieving tactic from now on until they do a blood test and see high doses of paracetomol pills and sleeping pills in my body! then i'll be carted off to an asylum. meh im overdue for a visit.