Mood: that feeling when you think you are leaving depression....
ok if oyu dontmylife story which many people dont here it is....(just to stop bry people seeing it...fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck so it wont get through the swear word filter)
my l;ife was rbbish, i was adopted at birth i went to state school wherei wsa bullied and made to feel like nothing.... until i met my mate sam bigg (this is ina nutshell coz i am lazy) he introduced me to these 2 girls called francesca and claudia......claudia tried to get me arrested coz she thort iwas threatening 2 kill her....i go out with francesca and meet her best mate hayley, me sam hayley francesca have the best summer ever (2002) then francesca dumps me but never gave a reason...it because i called hayley posh as a joke and francesca started standing up for hayley and she said i really hate oyu now i took that as she meant it so i just walked off got dad topickmeup and went home. (this was my christmas present from her)....life is then rubbish for sixmonths and since then i have had many gf's which havnt lasted coz ihave messed it up or sumfink. the ones that meant somthing to me were emily ellis, emily d'silva, emily batcock, lizzie rutledge, sophia davies. there have been many flings and 1 nighters but hey they meant nothing....
well thats basically my life!!!\
now for todays diary entry!!
its saturday and im in school 2nd day at tesco when i get out hopefully it will be ok. i decided after the incident with me and lizzie (most recent ex) that i am a total idiot and well i feel bad about emily as i ruined tom G and emily. thats what gets to me. i guess i should take my own advice to lizzie....go with the flow and chill i dunno.
anyway i cant do my 10k road race coz i realised i had 2 enter it a week before i did.
also im a bit worried that imlosing old and new friends people seem more willing to ignore me now....but there is oneperson who seems to be willing to stand by me right now and thats mellly....shame she lives in canada we are very alike....i think i should have been born a canadian coz i love the crazyness of canadians its quite charming. hmm best memory of canada....the fit girls i hooked up with and tim haughtons the doughnut place!!
well also i guess that i have other people who care aboutme its just that im not aware of it or they are just too buzy to realise how i am feeling....there are some things i used to aslways think i could never tell anyone, now a few people know but i cant afford to let any moer people find outabout them. some things are starting to freak me out like how my smoking has shot up, im now back to what i was before i tried to cut down and somthing people are always ashamed to admitt to i will put my hands up and say.... francesca was right i should have stopped when i had the chance but if i ever tel her that she will never drop it. im worried i am pushing francesca slowly away because of how much she hurt me, she is one of the best friedns i have and i am pushing her away for some reason which i hate myself for not knowing. so many things i could say aboutfranceca and all of them are good.
found a new girl i apsoloutly adore physically....esther freud has had a new haircut that makes her looklike those 40 yearolds who are really rough but try to look beautiful and it just doesnt work? well itslike that flat at the back no layersor ne fink loks horrible....now alice salisbury she is georgeous! shes really friednly and is always open for a chatabout w/e u want just so long as it isnt dirty...well shes not open for that yet! lol.
she's another fracescalike character in mylife i wish i coulkd get to know her better....it also helps that she is apsoloutly georgeous....i wonder how she got that scar on the back of her right leg.... wouldnt dare ask though its kinda rude, not that i'd check out her legs and infact her whole ody atany opportunity!! lol
seruiously though she's a sweet kid.
OMG look how much i have written and theres so much more to tell!
well where next in my weird and hard to understand brain? ah yes i bought a book so i can understand hacking more....the only hacking i have been able to do is simple phone tapping or scanning computers now if i can get some software i canbecomea proper blackhat!! not sure if i can be bothered though....we'll see i guess.
argh fcuking b's are readingmy blog entry now so iamgonna be back pob later on today am gonna puot my blog page in my favourites so i wont forget what the URL is!!