diary of a lost soul

Nov 30, 2004 at 18:43 o\clock

I FINISHED IT

by: stebbo

Mood: happy its finally finished

well my webblog is finally finished....hope you like it! http://img114.exs.cx/img114/6835/stebbo.jpg

Nov 30, 2004 at 18:04 o\clock

im back!

by: stebbo

Mood: optemistic about the near future

and i should be doing It coursework but i wanna make just a quick entry in my blog. well i need to get somthing off my chest. my feelings for lizzie are slowly going which is good but my feelings for other people are still rising. i need to think of someway to get them outta my mind, emily is easy because she is going out with jason but francesca is hard but im really trying, i cant let how i feel ruin our friendship like i did when she dumped me. that just annoyed her so much. i hope things will turn out allright. the friends i met in blandford....well it turns out that one of them has taken an overdose and is in hospital, a few people were just looking to me for moral support. i hope james will be ok, he OD'd on paracetomol. i neer knew his gf problems were that serious, ive been tempted but have never gone near anything to OD and i hope i have the will to keep going. so yeah thats the blandford story and i am gonna go work now so i will speak again to all you peeps soon!

Nov 30, 2004 at 15:14 o\clock

yay

by: stebbo

Mood: i really need a piss...no really i do

i am going to blandford (local town) in about 15 mins and i hate school well i like it but i hae it if ya know what i mean so im not gonna go too deep right now but i wana say that chloe and kenny are good mates and i respect them a lot. chloe i can talk 2 about any problems i have and kenny is...well kenny is just kenny he can always put a smile on my face and he is so friendly and im gonna go have a fag before i ead to blanny (slang for blandford) so will post an update when i get back form blanny

Nov 29, 2004 at 10:47 o\clock

another update

by: stebbo

Mood: too much in love with people i shouldnt be....
Listening to: the hum of a computer

i hate to addmitt it but all my feeling about a few of..well one of them i nver oficially dated but i am at the stage where they are all coming out if they werent ever finalised in my mind if oyu know what i mean emily ellis is one of these....she gotta bf and i totally respect that andi dont intend on diong anything coz if i screw up other peoples lives as well i am in evem more trouble...also francesca arrggghhh i hate myself for saying it...she's single im single.. the only thing for it is for her to get a bf who isnt me....that should solve the problem like it did last time with andy..hmm yeah andy threatening to kill me if i even talked to francesca on the fone..yeah those were the days!!!!!! i need to get her a bf but she doesnt want one... i am in serious trouble arggh the thing is i dont wanna have these feelings for her but i do and i gotta get them out...maybe theres some kind of brain surgery or i oculd do what i did last time which was to get hypnotised into thinking were just friends but that has either worn off or sumthing weird is happening. i wish i could get back to my physics coursework but i have too many thoughts buzzing round my head. ok am gonna look up herbal remedies for my dad. if anyone knows anything about the disease ITP (ideopathic thrombocytopenia purpua) then get back to me would like to meet other people who have to deal with people who have it...my father oh god it ocudnt have happened to a nicer person he is a legend but we just have to deal with it...on that thought i am gonna try to get back to my coursework but i know ill probably be back writing in 5 mins!!

Nov 29, 2004 at 10:33 o\clock

update of the weekend

by: stebbo

well my weekend went very well. saturday from 8 till 12 30 i had the usual saturday school. i went off and had a few fags with my mate sam before i had to go to work in glorious tesco's!! then when that finished i just came home! hmm interesting ey?/ well on sunday i had a few problems dad was kicking off again so my morning plans of meeting up with this really fit girl called sophia were put out of action. in the afternoon and the morning i spent moping around the house feeling sory for myself. but in the evening i went to megabowl in towerpark with my mates sam and luke and hayley and francesca! it was good fun and i met this georgeous girl down there called mikaela who gave i got her number and i know she didnt wrong number me coz there and then i texted her saying hi im here till 9 30 if you wanna come down and chill and she waved at me and smiled! so i dunno whats happening there. me and lizzie are not so good now but we'll be ok! emily and all her mates still apsoloutly want me dead but it doesnt really bother me anymore....my close friends havbe remained true to me and thats all i need. well right now i am supposed to be doing my physics coursework which is due in in about an hour but oh well if i fail my alevels i have ajob in tesco for life!!!!! well i better go now...also i got a comment from selene in my first box which is quite weiird because when i first started creating this blog when i had finished i checked her blog and it seems quite kool. well anyway time for the ranting and raving to stop for the moment. hopefully tell all you peeps more soon!

Nov 27, 2004 at 11:27 o\clock

a little poem

by: stebbo

well im still in school its still sat 27th of november 2004 and i wrotea poem Never say I love you if you don't really care Never talk about feelings if they aren't really there Never hold my hand if your going to break my heart, Never say you are if you don't plan to start, Never look into my eyes if all you do is lie, Never say hello if you really mean goodbye, If you really mean forever then say you will try, Never say forever cause forever makes me cry Never wipe away my tears if you have made me cry, Never say you'll put things right if you tell me more lies Never hold me in the night if you planning to let go, Never say you really care if your true colours don't show, Never say you'll help me out if I'm never on your mind, Never try to love me more if you never have the time If you really mean forever then say you will try, Never say forever cause forever is a lie

Nov 27, 2004 at 10:42 o\clock

27th of november 2004

by: stebbo

Mood: that feeling when you think you are leaving depression....

ok if oyu dontmylife story which many people dont here it is....(just to stop bry people seeing it...fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck so it wont get through the swear word filter) my l;ife was rbbish, i was adopted at birth i went to state school wherei wsa bullied and made to feel like nothing.... until i met my mate sam bigg (this is ina nutshell coz i am lazy) he introduced me to these 2 girls called francesca and claudia......claudia tried to get me arrested coz she thort iwas threatening 2 kill her....i go out with francesca and meet her best mate hayley, me sam hayley francesca have the best summer ever (2002) then francesca dumps me but never gave a reason...it because i called hayley posh as a joke and francesca started standing up for hayley and she said i really hate oyu now i took that as she meant it so i just walked off got dad topickmeup and went home. (this was my christmas present from her)....life is then rubbish for sixmonths and since then i have had many gf's which havnt lasted coz ihave messed it up or sumfink. the ones that meant somthing to me were emily ellis, emily d'silva, emily batcock, lizzie rutledge, sophia davies. there have been many flings and 1 nighters but hey they meant nothing.... well thats basically my life!!!\ now for todays diary entry!! its saturday and im in school 2nd day at tesco when i get out hopefully it will be ok. i decided after the incident with me and lizzie (most recent ex) that i am a total idiot and well i feel bad about emily as i ruined tom G and emily. thats what gets to me. i guess i should take my own advice to lizzie....go with the flow and chill i dunno. anyway i cant do my 10k road race coz i realised i had 2 enter it a week before i did. also im a bit worried that imlosing old and new friends people seem more willing to ignore me now....but there is oneperson who seems to be willing to stand by me right now and thats mellly....shame she lives in canada we are very alike....i think i should have been born a canadian coz i love the crazyness of canadians its quite charming. hmm best memory of canada....the fit girls i hooked up with and tim haughtons the doughnut place!! well also i guess that i have other people who care aboutme its just that im not aware of it or they are just too buzy to realise how i am feeling....there are some things i used to aslways think i could never tell anyone, now a few people know but i cant afford to let any moer people find outabout them. some things are starting to freak me out like how my smoking has shot up, im now back to what i was before i tried to cut down and somthing people are always ashamed to admitt to i will put my hands up and say.... francesca was right i should have stopped when i had the chance but if i ever tel her that she will never drop it. im worried i am pushing francesca slowly away because of how much she hurt me, she is one of the best friedns i have and i am pushing her away for some reason which i hate myself for not knowing. so many things i could say aboutfranceca and all of them are good. found a new girl i apsoloutly adore physically....esther freud has had a new haircut that makes her looklike those 40 yearolds who are really rough but try to look beautiful and it just doesnt work? well itslike that flat at the back no layersor ne fink loks horrible....now alice salisbury she is georgeous! shes really friednly and is always open for a chatabout w/e u want just so long as it isnt dirty...well shes not open for that yet! lol. she's another fracescalike character in mylife i wish i coulkd get to know her better....it also helps that she is apsoloutly georgeous....i wonder how she got that scar on the back of her right leg.... wouldnt dare ask though its kinda rude, not that i'd check out her legs and infact her whole ody atany opportunity!! lol seruiously though she's a sweet kid. OMG look how much i have written and theres so much more to tell! well where next in my weird and hard to understand brain? ah yes i bought a book so i can understand hacking more....the only hacking i have been able to do is simple phone tapping or scanning computers now if i can get some software i canbecomea proper blackhat!! not sure if i can be bothered though....we'll see i guess. argh fcuking b's are readingmy blog entry now so iamgonna be back pob later on today am gonna puot my blog page in my favourites so i wont forget what the URL is!!