diary of a lost soul

Nov 5, 2008 at 15:09 o\clock

can you ever love someone too much?

by: stebbo

it seems like life at uni is not very good, all weekends i spent locked away with my girlfriend and all the rest of the time i am walking round like a shell of a person not really caring about anything except seeing her again. life at uni is failing my friendship group has been torn apart and uni work is nto going so well especially  with me retaking most of the first year, yet im worried im becoming like those people who leave school at GCSE's and think they can make a life, am i giving up a life of easy living for lotty? it upsets me because it does in no way bother me if i left uni and moved in with her, but is that the right thing to do? 12grand of debt i will be in and i really should have worked harder but i just want to be with her, life without lotty for these two years has pushed me to limits and i have not ever doubted my future with her at all that is the only strong connection in my life so at the moment i am working hard at uni but already foreseeing that i am going to eb dropping out at the end of the year and setling into  an office job and just being with lotty. i just feel like this life has been a shell of an existance just getting by and it really upsets me. just a quick entry this is i had a profound idea of a lot to say but nothing seems to be coming out so im gonna sit ack and wtach neighbours

Mar 4, 2008 at 13:09 o\clock

just a random blog

by: stebbo

its middayish and im sat in my room drinking wine! got an exam today i just know im going to fail, got me down a bit but ill survive!! lotty is amazing still had an awesome week with her when i should have been revising for this trest, brought coursework back, it didnt get done...why not? one man...jeremy kyle! anyway things are going good ive asorted out my hosue for next year! gonna be awesome lol living with chatterbox andy! just need tosgn and borrow money from parents for the deposit!!

Feb 22, 2008 at 16:39 o\clock

everything is gay today

by: stebbo

so i go to buy food, forget my 3 pounds which is my net worth right now, driving home after buying the milk for my angel delight i get cut upby a twat and almost smash up my car, get home and the internet is down so i cant do anything but then the guy from it services turns up and asks me for help with the switch...blithering idiot. anyway just a rant today that today wont be good till i see lotty in a few hours!

Feb 10, 2008 at 11:34 o\clock

i did a silly thing!

by: stebbo

just re-read all of my blog...all of it, its a fuckign sunday morning 10:30 and ive read 3-4 years of my lifes worth of miseries, i love spending time thinking back but this means i never look forward, need to have a kick up the ass to be honest! uni is ok b ut andy told lottie c-s that everyone is getting pissed off at her because she is being such a stubborn btich and ruining things for everyone, many bitchy stories i could tell but thats not really the point of this entry, andy confronted her when i had no plans of doing so. I feel like ive been lying to myself about my face upt o everything between matres policy and maybe im not so straight forward with my friends, so this is my pledge to tell mates what i feel no matter how critical it may be if i feel it. i know it wont happen but i want to try!

Nov 27, 2007 at 22:03 o\clock

am i getting back to my blog?

by: stebbo

wow its only been a day and im writing another entry! been a bit down for th last couple of days and its only getting worse, personally i blame not seeing lotty in a long time but there are other possible uni factors like work or friendship strains right now. it would be nice just to have a bit of time to myself but alas a house full of six people that will never happen im gonna go to bed soon its 9 oclock and i can ahrdly keep my eyes open after toby came back ratted at about 4 in the morning, i couldnt sleep anyway but he begins to blare his drum n bass. i dont really mind except the lack of sleep has probably made me grouchy. really dont wana have to tidy my room tomorow, did a full clean of the kitchen head to tail and i just cant handle doing my room, not tonight anyway, maybe tomorow it will be different! you never know lol it will be fun.

Nov 27, 2007 at 00:22 o\clock

a lot has changed since my last blog

by: stebbo

me and lotty are in a fully stable and happy relationship, the problem being i am at university in bristol...UWE to be exact and im doing ocmputer science, really hard work its been hard geting back into the working frame of mind after a year of bumming around. its weird to think i started this blog 3 years ago and it still feels like a bastion of peace for my mind. well anyway things are really different now, ive never really...properly had a gf where not seeing her was hard, with ali it was similar but not so extreme in feelings as with lotty, i dont wanna say shes the oneincase i jinx it but i am truly happy with her. the distance is such a strain though im past crying myself to sleep and i do jus sit up msot nights mising her unless im out on the piss, which is hardly ever now im skint as ive never been before in my life im scared about running out of food money, i know mum and dad could help me out but how can i expect to lerarn anything about money if i go to them wheni spend all my money on beer as one of my housemates says to me. so yeah that brings me onto my housemates, first of all theres alfie, hes a good bloke, total stoner but his hearts int her ight place, we dont really get along as close mates but theres no complaints about him he seems a decent bloke. the third guy in our house of 6 is toby, hes really cool again but me being me i tend to have problems getting along with guys who dont click with me from day 1 so were again not really close mates but there is definatley the same mutual respect as with alfie, that brings me on to the girls! ill start with sarah because she is the first that comes to mind...where to begin with sarah... she's essentially a good person and i coulod get on really well with her but she does seem to wrap her life in drama since she left her bf, she got with a guy called kyle who fucked her over royally and since thens he has been off with all these random guys fuck knows who half of them are but one time she let the guy she fucked take my seat on the taxi home...was really not impressed it made me so angry so it was me leo and kirsty trying to get home on our own when she said exploicitly she wanted to have a night out with me...fat chance. well anyway yeah she is essentially a really nice person she just needs to...emotionally mature and grow a bit of a thick sin, shes always reallyt sensitive about ebverything especially cleaning, whens hes in a strop she cleans which is cool but she always does it with a chip on her shoulder its like for fuck sake! if your gonna clean clean! if you dont wanna clean dont! anyway apart from that shes lovely and we get on really well eventhough i have reservations about her ability to keep the truth clear and not cloud it to make her seem better or worse off for sympathy. Then theres Hannah, same name as my sister and a totally bonkers girl! really loud and crazy and i love it! common knowledge is that alfie fancies the fuck out of her, he always asks about her if she isnt in and rightly so i say! shes a lovely girl! totally top bird! really down to earth and knows what she wants and does it! no complaints at all! the house is quiet and really placid without her. Finally there is Leo, the dreadlocked leo! shes lovely as well have a lot of not so deep but probably quite dep conversations with her about total crap when we both have better things to be doing like hwil emaking cups of tea we will thens pend a good 10 mins chatting lol! stoner too, but mostly on weekends which is cool! always happy to ofer a joint around so long as people dont take the piss! which it hink is perfectly fair! yeh my hosuemates ive been lucky with! love them all! my course mates are all a total laugh as well! the main ones i hang out with are trevor, met him on facebook before i went to uni and hes really clever! good at helping me with my work but im not using him for that hes an awesome mate and really fun to talk to! then theres chris! he is a bit of a joker but not he sort of joker people find annoying! always up for a laugh and is willing to admitt he might not be a genious but he does work hard and therefore gets results! then theres lottie...not lotty! as i kep spelling her name and probably will end up spelling it in this blog a lot! well shes... touchy... she is very obsessed with her bf who has started uni in swansea and is a virgin christian no sex before marriage person and gets very upset if you talk about sex around her in a ladish way like its not a big deal which is fair play to her...but shes on a course with lads and slips always happen and we joke about sex and she protests in her own small ways to make you feel uncomfortable but still shes awesome fun! doesnt drink much but will have the occasional alcopop or two! a really fun girl! finally there is andy! well what a character he is! has verbal diorrhea worse than me! which is really saying something lol he will do anything for his mates if needs be! there was a strong possibility he would become our mule with him having a car at uni, buthe is highly respected if not ridiculed for his inability to shutup or fix a computer problem without first clicking on about a million things probably making it worse before he sits down and logically thinks about the problem! much to the fury of our tutor julia! and anyone trying to help him to be honest! but hes the one i always invite to the pub purely because the only other close mate from my course on campus doesnt drink and the other two are off campus! but still hes a wicked drunk! really surprisingly ladish!  he also has a tendency to tell us the same "funny" stories about 100 times so we know his life really well quite quickly! lol but he is a decent bloke, no hang ups or insecurities, he is what he is, not surprising since hes a (ha!) mature student..well hes 24 so yeah that is my new life! my house is like a 70's council house in that its small, nothing but the basic amenities and everything else is falling apart! but its home and it does feel homey! thats HOMEY not HORNY incase you made the mistake i did just reading the last line after switching between applications! oh well lol! what else to add in? yeh im surprised how much i miss lottys mates, i mean i know without lotty most of them would not really have bothered to get to know me but they have all welcomed me so warmly its quite heart warming! except lottys house mate who goes through periods of putin gup with me and periods of blatantly hating me! although i think i do make her laugh sometimes with my lack of worldlyness! according to her anyway i reckon! but dont quote me on that one! so yeah this is my new life which will go on for 4 years! so this blog may doule in length before i enter the real world once again!

Jun 13, 2007 at 10:39 o\clock

im confused

by: stebbo

amazing time at download i had with lotty made her decide she has completely fallen in love with me, i tell her i dont want to go out with her and suddenly its her telling me she never wants to see me again and we should just end what we have? and she says she feels used... actually cant decide if im angry or sad right now think im just gonna get excessively drunk now, work tomorow is going to be a bitch, i dont even have lotty to cheer me up now. lifes a bitch, it seems like my blogs cant ever be happy for more than a few entries at a time :@(

Jun 6, 2007 at 13:55 o\clock

manual labour stebbo!

by: stebbo

Mood: feeling guilty about being happy
Listening to: sad statue - soad

well ive just finished taking down the goat pen and boy is that a sweaty job, feels good to do some manual labour for once lol! very manly!  i think that its about time for me to stop seeing everyone all the time, stop going down the skatepark, stop trying to spend as much time with lotty as she will allow, which i feel wont be much these days anyway and concentrate on saving money for uni, download and blackpool all in one month is going to kill my credit cards.

decided to go biking with vikki last night, she is cool to work with but boy does she whine about going too fast or too far eugh girls! me and sam should start biking and i agreed to meet him with vikki btu the bugger didnt turn up! grrrr anyway it feels good to be on my bike again but boy does my gooch (sp) hurt! guess im not used to doing that much so soon but the rest of me is fine so its nice to know i havnt lost all of my fitness but i still dont think im the psycho who finishes an xc session a few hours later than everyone else just yet!

one of my mates i caught trying to hang himself yesterday, pure luck that i found him but it really has put a downer on my excessively positive mood. his mum has officially ben declared insane and is now n st annes and ok yeh he is 19 like me but he doesnt have a dad so he has to take over all the responisbilities of the house, which not only can he not afford to do but noone our age should have to deal with all of the debts and bills of their family. i was determined not to cry and i didnt, but it was hard. i really wish he could just get away from it all in a more productive way like a holiday but that would not be good for the debts and bills. if your reading this dude im here for you and i hopew i can give you enough strength to keep going!

seeing ali tonight which is going to be good, everyone keeps saying to me how its blatant i miss her so much and im still in love with her, which i am, completely, just not really longing for her anymore. i guess im happy to love from afar! but it will be good to see her and know she is ok! chinease back at hers then off to watch a film. im the taxi shes the wallet, just like it used to be when i was skint back then.

decided a few days ago that im gonna learn the super art of massage, never know if it will come in handy at uni, either for the seduction of the ladies or just as a source of revenue. more updates on that as they flow in!

right well vikki was gonna come over but shes not here so if she doesnt turn up after morning neighbours imgoing to bike into bournemotuh, no point in wasting away sitting at home on a lvoely day liek this 

Jun 5, 2007 at 16:05 o\clock

can it be any better?

by: stebbo

answer is im not sure yet lets se, just got abck from a lads weekend out in blackpool, what can i say? i pulled a womanwhow as married with 2 kids and played her like a puppet! felt good to know she was married! apart from that there was no other girls but meh i have girls close to me back home so it never bothers me.

lotty did a really stupid thing which angered me to shit, she's pissed off at me so i ring up to find out why all i get is oh your a cunt fuck off and she throws her phone somewhere, forgets to hang up and her and her faltmate and their clsoe mate wiggy were discussing me and how lotty is so much better than me and how much better she can do and wow, every word of it was true. still i cant let that bother me because were going to download together and i cant wait!  i think it will be a blast! i cant wait for my first ever download!

me and ali are getting along well and i cant wait to see her again its good that were close mates and its true i do still love her and im happy with the way things turned out so all in all life is on a high! and all the lows ive had are really helping me to appreciate this high! think i may go to the beach later and enjoy some time off work! 

May 21, 2007 at 13:38 o\clock

a lot has happened

by: stebbo

my world hase been turned upside down and then put in a hoover and then the bag has been broken and pieces have been scattered everywhere. is it all bad? no but everything is different now. i got the balls to break it off with ali, we had an amazing relationship but we did nothing but argue, now were staying mates and for once in my life were on good terms a week after break up day, one week tomorow i will have been single and boy has it been weird, when i go out im actually checking girls out and enjoying not having the guilt attached if i check out a fit girl. i love ali to bits i really do but things were driving us insane and i saw her on friday after the break up and things were good we really will be good friends but was sleeping with her that day a mistake? fucking amazing sex it was really emotionally driven and i dont wanna become fuck buddies but once every now and then i were both single surely cant harm anyone right?

 me and lotty are really close now i share everything with her and she's been a realy good friend through everything giving me good advice which has helped me massively, i do love spending time with her and im glad its not awkward or anything but i know her flatmates despises me and she seems constantly grumpy with me so im just gonna not bother with her and ignore her, she has way too much of an obsession, like other people i know and now ignore, with drama, its like she feeds off it.

 but apart from that francesca spoke to me on msn accusing me of giving her number to a girl called jenny...wtf? and so i asked her laods of quyestions, which she didnt reply to, after about 20 messages on msn i got pissed off and blocked her sending her a strongly worded email basically saying how she has changed and shows me no respect since she can no longer gain anything from me she isnt gonna bother with me, she just said i obviously jhadnt grown up like she thought i had, like she thought i had, she knows shit about me and she is makign assumptions about how i live my life? growing up is for boring people as lotty has really taught me it just really pisses me off how she always acts as a distant superior person and not someone who is on the same level as me like it used to be, chatting to sam in the car on the way home he agreed with me but i suspect he doesnt beleive it as much as i do since their 2 familiies are really close friends and so he probably still sees her at family gatherings, where heprobably agrees im an immature cunt who he isnt mates with or not as good mates as we used to be or some bollocks like that.

 so yeah life is different and im glad for it because things seem to be running smoothly, i dont feel bad if i want to just have a day to myself anymore because it may be the only time in 3 weeks ali can see me so i feel a lot less stressed than when i was going out with her but it does make things feel strange after we were together for exactly 15 months which is quite a scary length of time for me to be able to keep a girlfriend for! anyway thats all i have to sya for now thanks for reading, and yes i know this is the first time i have ever acknowledged anyone who reads my blog but i just felt like thanking you guys for taking an interest in my life, whether your a friend catching up on my news or just an internet randomer! thanks


Apr 15, 2007 at 10:25 o\clock

just something i wanna share with you bloggers

by: stebbo

we've all seen it, cruising around forums and abouta milion people have the phrase "you laugh because im different, i laugh because your all the same"


is this phrase now so overly used that it is, infact everyone being the same? STOP USING THAT PHRASES ITS ANNOYING 

Apr 13, 2007 at 11:38 o\clock

how can she do this to me?

by: stebbo

why is it ali can scare me shitless into thinking we are going to break up? i know ive pissed her off somehow but instead of telling me what is wrong she beats around the bush and scares me shitless half an hour before work and im in floods of tears, this seems to be the month of break ups, gina and jake, lotty and richard, sarah and whatever his name is. im fucked in the head and all im doing is tryna sort out other peoples lives feeling like it is now up to me to be the couple that everyone loks up to that will never break up and now im scared shitless all i can see is her smiling face and her elegance in the way she walks. everything i know and love about her just seems to have been amplified by about a million times and all i can see is her everywhrtr i go and ive been thinking fo ra while about quitting work and spending time with her, but as ali pointed out when i suggested this i will need the money and since she works 3 shifts a day sometimes i wont see much of her anyway. i hate not seeing her all the time and now its even worse with the fear of losing her, is she my life? hard question to ask i have always been able to separate my life into sections, mates here, mates there, me, work, now everything has beren mixed with ali, iu dont have sections of my life that arent connected to her, everyone i hang out with knows ali, it usd to be oh yeah i know he ahs a gf but noones ever met her, i love showing her off and being with her and what do i do if i lose her? i just want to be happy with her, yeah we need some time to sort out whatever is going through my head but everything n my head can be sorted out just by her being happy again i know it. so yeah maybe she is my life and i cant live without her but i feel like crap, 25 minutes before work and arrgh this "you should know why im angry" attitude she has just makes me feel like crap. i feel like a lost little boy looking for happyness all over again but wherever i turn all i see is ali and i cant deal with this forever i want ali and thats the end of everything if i cant have her, yes i am proud to say she is m life, she is my princess, i just cant look after her the way im expected to because i am a total idiot and always fuck things up, i told her from day one the only way this relationship will end is because i fuck things up. lets hope its nto true ever again because i really want to marry this princess and you never know...one day we ,ay have a castle of our own

Mar 18, 2007 at 18:30 o\clock

just a quick plea

by: stebbo

this way didnt get a singel donation last year but you never know...ali is doing race for life again this year raising money for cancer research uk...a causeclose to my heart with my familys bad history with cancer so please donate if you can online at http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/alimunro

Mar 3, 2007 at 11:38 o\clock


by: stebbo

Mood: penseive

well all have journeys in life, some are long travels to find ourselves, but i thihnk, truly, the greatest journey in our lives is the one to fight our inner demons, maybe what ive been searching for in my life has just been hiding behind an age old wall or hate, anger and depression, if you know you have the protection of true friends and love all around you then you really have nothing to fear, i dont care what people say, love isnt a myth and it does exist, even in a society full of hatred and racism, there is love for each other which will slowly dissolve and cure the hatred in the world. my journey has been one of struggling to keep my identity unique and to not taint it with whatever people around me want, particularly when i was at bryanston because i never felt at home there, but i know if i had been more open to change and less of an annoyance i would have fitted in perfectly, does it bother me? well no because would i be who i am today if i hadnt had the experience of being the social pariah (sp) i guess it just takes losing an opportunity to make many friends like that to appreciate the ones you do have, people did try to make me feel welcome but i just couldnt get past the fact that i didnt feel at home there. I dunno maybe i just couldnt understand the way they worked, but i doubt it, i think i was stubborn and refused to change, even when change was heavily on the agenda, true i learned a lot in an academic sense, but i never stopped and reflected on how much i learned spiritualy, you dont need an organised religion to gain spirituality or a sense of inner peace. i feel that whatever the world throws at me i can take it, i feel strong and i am no longer going to doubt then when i start my new life in bristol, my friends will miss me, so what if they dont text me asking how i am when they havnt seen me for two weeks, i know they think about me. as for the enemies i have made? not many do i know how to apologise for, but i dreamt last night that nett came home from abadeen and we met in a pub, everyone else seemed to vanish but she was there laughing and joking with her invisible friends, im sure ive done the same thing she has to many people in my life without knowing the hurt i have caused, so why should i continue to hold this grudge against her because, she was a rebound, yes i did feel strongly for her, and yes i got angry and had a go at her, it must have been a sensitive time for her, she never  really opened upot o me, how was i supposed to know what was wrong? i was too wrapped up in the usual teeny angst of being dumped to ever really think, but something she said "oh why cant you just get up off your high horse for once?" i suddenly realised she had a deeper worry than what was playing on my mind at the time. i should have been a supportive friend, but instead i let a shallow angst get the better of me, we only had a maximum of half a year before she went to uni and i stayed on my gap year anyway, so why was i so worried abotu our relationship...dorset and abadeen are too far apart even for me. its far too late to apologise because i am perceived as a childish moron, or something along those lines. i dont even know why i harbour a grudge for her but as of this day i am going to try my hardest to forgive and forget, i thought i had left tat darkperiod of my life when i started hanging out down bournemouth determined to rebel and enjoy life away from the constraints of bryanston, trouble with police and such was fun and i dont regret what i did all the time one bit but, something inside me says when i considered nett and her way of life to be the future i should have dropped bournemouth there and then, since i have been dropped, like most of my friends bar a few anyway from that life. its all a new generation of 14 year olds. these days the only purpose i would serve would be to buy greebs alcohol and fags, thats not friendship no matter what theyw ould say. i'm happy in my life and i have some of the most loyal friends ever, i dont have a longstanding friendship that has been going on for life except emily and were not that close although we are in a distant sort of way. got a girlfriend who loves me with all her heart, isnt that what i always wanted? well yes i did, but me being me once again when i get what i want all i do is accept that as the norm, thats my problem it hink, i never realise that the gifts life have given me arent the norm, people can spend a lfietime looking for love, i have found it so early on, noone else was love, with all my other gf's i always put myself before them, ok i have done that many times with ali but so many times i have dropped whatever i want or need to do to see her, not all the time granted, i dont quite live for ali just yet but its turning more and more that way. yes ive made some mistakes along the way and i dont regret any of them because its made us a stronger couple. one of the best feelings in the world is when i can stop ali crying from whatever is bothering her and see her smile after she has grumped for a good few hours. makes me feel like the best person in the world at that very moment. like the world is just us two and i feel a connection so strong that all other parts of my lfie dissapear. i am not however, under any illousion that i am the best f ever, im not, in fact i know i am a very shit bf. ali would never admitt this, but deep down she knows it and it hink thats what upsets her. but... lifes flaws and mistakes are what make it so beautiful, this was known in greek times as the reasons the immortal gods found so much more beauty in mortals than their immortal counterparts, is the frailty of mortality makes beauty so much more p[rofound with the knowledge that it wont last forever. in the real world nothing lasts forever and in the fantasy world as soon as something beautiful lasts forever it seems less beautiful, classic example is odysseus, he gave up every form of immortality, including a sex goddess giving him immortal life so they have sex forever, fame and fortune, so many more as well and he gave it all up to be at home, on ithaca with the woman he loves. life has been hard for me, noone can deny that, but has all this hardship been from within? have i not allowed myself to have an easy life? i've got to stop blaming others and just see where life takes me. my journey is not a long and hard one, the only challenge is within me, and thats something that will take time, not distance, or experience, good old time.

Feb 7, 2007 at 16:19 o\clock

today suck

by: stebbo

today for the first time ever im angry at ali, in a proper way, i cannot handle seeing anyone today i want a day of being a hobbit and seeing noone coz she made me feel like shit this morning, she rang me and woke me up at midday after a night of having no sleep thanks, once again to me having far too much red bull on our night out because im just too lazy to change my drinking habbits to coke when i drive, and anyway with it being the same price, all drink 1.50 and red bull usually being more expensive its also a nice treat, anyway i digress, so im woken up and because i cant think straight and i cant remember what time im sup-posed to see her or if im supposed ot pick her up form work today she just has a go at me and really made me realise im a shithead. i can never remember anything i make plans and forget them in a few hours. i never used to be like this and after talking to ali im starting to think there is something wrong with me and that bloody diary i ordered off ebay to make bookings in to help me remember hasnt come so will prob just end up buying one in town today. I wish i was a betterperson and i wish i was good enough for ali. lifes just taken a massive turn downhill, no cash coz i spent it all on my new tattoo, i know a stupid idea but i really wanted it and i know im turning into a sort of lotty, buy what you want when you can character. I just wanna start a new life in a new placew, once again an old fantasy of mine i go through stages of having, dont aprticularly care anymore though because when i go to uni i will have my new life and my new everything so i will be able to pick and choose bits from my old life i wanna keep. now i just wish i never had to deal with people and could just live on my own and the only social contact i had with the outside was the delivery mandropping off all my ebay parcels! oh yeh and a food delivery guy, cant forget food. anyway i think i should go to get dressed now just out of the shower and its 3:19pm...oops

Jan 30, 2007 at 02:31 o\clock

nelly the elephant??

by: stebbo

Emacs the Elephant

Emacs the Elephant hacked her source
and said goodbye to the DrOsS box
Off she went with a binary dump
Dump, Dump, Dump
Emacs the Elephant hacked her source
and headed back to her UNIX
Room enough for a binary dump
Dump, Dump, Dump
The head of G-NU was Stallman
far, far away
By night they met on the Internet
with no need for overlays
Emacs the Elephant hacked her source
and said goodbye to the DrOsS world
Off she went for a binary dump

Jan 30, 2007 at 00:32 o\clock

while i was at work i lost a good friend today

by: stebbo

ouch, lottie has now denounced our friendship because she cant handle the chemistry between us yet we both have very perfect relationships, its fair to say there is chemistry and im not ashamed to admitt it lol but i love ali too much to ever leave her. but god does she have to cut off our friendship? ive been deleted from her myspace, probably from her phone and anywhere else too. makes me feel really down to think that ive lost a good friend, really didnt htink it would get this far but it has and boy does that suck, i know its beck's doing not lotties which just makes it worse because lottie would never not want to know me, thats impossible, once again ive lost someone close to me because their best friend dissapproves. can life ever get much harsher?

Jan 29, 2007 at 12:16 o\clock

problems keep piling on up lol

by: stebbo

ali phoned me again crying last night and boy did i not know what to do one again, its getting to me really badly now, she obviously has an issue with me because she said she couldnt see me today because she will just cry on me, and being a girl when i asked her about it all i got was no nothings wrong, now all us guys have learned im sure that when a girl says theirs nothing wrong? were not gonna get anything more out of them until they want to tell us so i gave up made sure i was coming over today and i will give her some extra special tlc. i dunno what else to do im at a total whits end, i think my obsession with getting 2 computers built isnt helping but but oh god the opposite sex sure as hell confuses me a lot! extra problem with sarahs computer im building is that once everything is plugged in i decided to give it a basic test... no power comes on so grrrrrrr i think ive fucked up big time, so im gonna have to take it into mantis and have them tell me somethignm it hink i already know, ive fucked the motherboard, probably static damage but hey i will take it in see if they can fix it.and boy does things liek this make me angry. but i guess its part of the learning curve. well anyway im off to blandford now to sort out everything i have to do, which is more problems opening an account with lloyds so i am instead going to get one with natwest or something im just pissed of with lloys no end, because when i applied i didnt give our house name, but the rest of my address is the same, they say its a diffeent address, and i understand where their coming from and as far as a computer is concerned thats fine they are different so it denies it but surely there should be a human aspect to their service because the rest of the address is the same so grrr oh im gonna fucking give up and open an account with nat west, im sure its much easier and more efficient.

Jan 24, 2007 at 21:36 o\clock

life sucks once again

by: stebbo

lol was thinking for a while how amazing life is and how cool it is, then the fucking pigs pull me for not indicating round a roundabout and having a busted tail light and end up breathalising me!!? ha ha bastards suck coz i was sober behind the wheel that time!! losers! so yeh i got to keep the hwite bit i blew into which is cool it reminds me not to drink and drive...its not cool kids im never gonna do it again now!building myself a new computer which is being gay and fucking twatish! even with a haynes guide its a cunt theres a bit on it the haynes guide says we just ripped out coz it was too hard but i was determined to m,ake it work, till i riped out all my hair and cried myself to sleep and slit my wristds with a plastic knife...ok not that bad but fuck it its coming out, i'll replace it with a disk drive (yeh legacy free is going out the window) oh well it will work and be a better computer but maybe one day i will make my godlike pc!

Jan 14, 2007 at 23:32 o\clock

car crash

by: stebbo

wow that shook me up, going round the roundabout to have a cunt go into my tail, hurt my pride more than anything else thank god, but it hit me how badly i was looking after ali driving recklessly like that, shook me up for 2 or 3 days afterwards, it happened on friday at 10:15 lol i think im ok now, bruised ego and dented car but its been bodged up and fixed sort of lol, well fixed up enough to be legal on the road lol! but yeh of course the otehr guy was in a landrover so no damage to his car at all the fucking cuntbag.anyway aside from that its emily dsilva'sa birthday on thursday and i popped over to hers last night, she had an all day family and friends party thing but of course i was working till 9 so imissed seeing almost all of our mutual friends, sods law but was good none the less, got to see ali and we had a final chat before she goes to see the doc to go on the pill, both of us are too reckless with the no condom on no sex rule and im scared and so is she, we know were lazy and enjoy it more with no condom so its got to be done...tmi? sorry! well yeh what a fuckup i can be! but now im over most of the shock and the car is fixed im back to my normal self...granted with a lot less money and i now have 2 weeks to live off 20 quid but i think ive been worse with money problems before so im not doing too bad! anyway peace out im fine ali's fine and my car is surviving as usual!!!! all is back to normal for now!