Crystal's Trials and Tribulations

Mood: tired
Listening to: nothin

Just another day at work today, made Chris run the approvals so we could get some cars sold, seemed like every time I took a deal to the bossman, he turned me down.  Men are pigs...except to each other- so I sent one in LOL...that's a woman, using her brain.  So we sold two today (one of which was mine) and I have a layaway goin out to a friend tomorrow so that will make my lowest month ever...actually, a tie- last December when I was out with my broken hand, I missed two weeks and still sold 5, so I'm pretty fuckin depressed about that- Oh well...October and November will be slow also, but then I'll be sublimely happy and rich again LOL ... what am I sayin? Money isn't really everything!  Jason and I have a lot of fun together doing nothing...playin XBOX, watching movies, whatever.   That's one of the things i like about him.  hhmm... he's probably gonna be a little dissapointed that I didn't go watch his football game tonight, but it was cold outside, and there was NO fans in the bleachers...so I felt like a nerd, and told my brother to keep driving. *chuckles*  I'll go to a game when I have a friend to take me and sit with me, maybe monday.   Well, I'm gonna go play with some stuff online for a bit, then take a shower, and go to bed- I think Jason will be coming over tonight, but we'll probably go straight to sleep.  This week has been long, I'm really wearin down.  Plus, I went to the gym tonight and tuesday night.  I'm going to try to go at least three times a week, so I can be a skinny bride for Jason.  *giggles*

Mood: tired
Listening to: Brighter Than Sunshine- Aqualung

nothin really changed the rest of the day... work sucked still- but i think we will only have to stir up one more car deal to beat last year's september... we can do that.

Had to watch my little sis tonight while my mom went and taught cake decorating classes at the votech.  We met Jason at McDonald's so she could play and it was a fun dinner I thought.  She made fun of me and Jason staring into each other's eyes. LOL  she's so cute- 8 yrs old and already clownin!  (That's my girl!)   :*)

Then me and Jessie (my little sis) got home, we watched "So you think you can dance 2" on TV...that was pretty cool.  Then we watched the new disney movie, Robots.  Now that- was not so good, i've seen better disney movies lately that's for sure.  Maybe it's cool for little boys, but a 25 yr old female? not so cool.  Then I talked to my mom for a bit, and then came home, took a shower- burned a CD, now I'm about to hit the sack...I'm pooped.  Jason should be home soon.  nite nite!

Mood: so so
Listening to: nothin

well- it's busy at work so far...not with customers though- with stuff (aka bullcrap) to do.  So far, I had Elane take the receipts to toyota- after i signed like 200 letters that jamey printed yest, then put the letters are the marque outside- that sucked!!!!- only did one side cuz it was hot and my arm was hurting- that pole is heavy!  we moved some cars, called the auction boys to come clean the cars, and now I still have to move all the junk from my old desk to my new desk that they put together fri/sat, then go to the scary back lot and get all the repo stuff ready for Chris to look over tomorrow, and go make a couple "door knocks" for customers that aren't paying!  (i hate that!)  so when i go, i'mlike- i hate this, so don't make me do it again, or we'll come get ur shit...this was a nice visit. lol!  i'm so bad.  I also have to run some errands, and sometime find a lunch break a(probably grab a sandwich with Jason when he wakes up). 

So, the cutest thing happened last night...Jason came home- scared the crap out of me cuz i had just gotten out of the shower and goin to bed, and he laughed at me, then said "i gotta talk to u about sometbing" i was like- uh oh, here it goes... then he started talking about this guy called him to play football, like rough footbal (full contact) not flag (which he plays for the base) and that it would be rough- and he'd probably switch to day shift, and stuff like that.  I was like, ok..."so, are u askin my permission???" he said kinda...and i smiled- i told him he could do whatever he wants...just don't want to hear it when he gets hurt LOL!  But i was flattered that he asked- i'm so not used to that!  hehee-- he loves me!

Mood: happy, happy, joy, joy
Listening to: one minute man *haha*

Well, I think everything is going to be okay with the piano money thing with my parent's- I talked to my mom tonight, and talked to Jason, and I think it's time for Jason to move in :)  OMG!  I never 'jump' into things like that...and I'm always the one to tell my friends NOT to do that...but hey- it's MY house, and MY rules :)  jk-- seriously though, I'm pretty excited about it.  Jason wants to move in tomorrow!!  I want to have everything organized though-- like, clean my house up, and the extra room needs to be organized, but hey- we could get it all done in about a week if we really focus on it.  Maybe not THAT long.  I could take a couple days off work I guess.

Anyways, Jason is being so sweet!  Like when we met...the first three glorious weeks that we spent together...it's just like that!  I want the rest of our lives to be like this!  I go to work, he has lunch with me on my break, then he goes to work, and when I get off work- he's ready for his lunch break, then i do what i have to do (go to gym, watch little sis, whatever) and then he comes home and hops in bed with me (wether i'm awake still or not) I love his big warm body curled up tight against me!  I feel so safe and comforatable with him...it's like I never want to move again! *sigh* how sappy, huh?!

I have a doctor appointment for Monday in OKC to check my hand, make sure it's healed enough- I'm sure it has, and to probably do the pre-op and schedule the surgery to have the metal plate taken out of my hand from when I broke it last December.  Kind of a bummer, but I really like all the doctor's staff and I'm a little excited to see them all again.  Ok, now I'm going to put the picture of me and Jason back up-plus another pic- I love the pic of me and jason, we're so happy-some more pics of me asweel,  and a pic of my little sis too! :)  Hope you all enjoy.

Mood: happy
Listening to: Jason playin XBOX

To my diehard fans... sorry that I didn't write in my blog all weekend, I was very busy :)  yay me!

Let's rewind.... Saturday night with Jason was pretty eventful, and I thought a pretty good start at patching things up...apparently, it was real good!  Sunday, we almost went to Tulsa to see his little boy- but then his ex backed out and so we ended up going to Oklahoma City to the state fair! :)  When I lived in OKC, the only thing I did at the fair was work the auto show, so going for relaxation and enjoyment, was so fabulous!  Now, remember- he was 'supposed' to go with Denny's chicka- Autumn, but turned out she had to work a double or something... so we 'had' to test his new car out again.  *giggles*

While at the fair, we had so much fun!  I even text msg Cupcake tellin him that we were at the fair if he wanted to come say hi (he never called back though) so we continued to walk around, enjoy the auto show, a little band that was playin crappy compared to how Jason can play, and had lots of Fair Food - as Jason calls it.  We shared a Cajun Turkey leg- that was soo yummy!  I never get the nerve to try one cuz i'm worried i'll look silly- he makes me feel so comfy that I just gobbled at that leg like a monster LOL-- he had to finish it off though- it was HUGE!  Then we went to the amusement park area- where some con-artist talked Jason into spending like $40 (he wanted $60) for this big stuffed tiger he won me :) No guy has ever done that for me *blush*  Then we got a funnel cake and a lemonade on the way out (after we watched a pig race- that was funny).  While at the car, finishing our funnel cake- I licked the powdered sugar off of his fingers, and he kissed me! :)  yay!!!

We joked all day about how IF we got married, it would be so cool and so convenient- we'd have so much money between the two of us- with half the bills, and in two years, three paid cars! lol  coolness!  We talked about the kind of house we want to have, and some other silly stuff.  Then had some more 'talks' about why we aren't seeing each other...those went alot better this time though- he started to really open up.  His mom helped alot there I think. 

Then we went to a movie (Corpse Bride), and then to Slick Willies to play some pool...something neither of us are very good at- so at least we played pretty competitive games.  He won most of them though- I had a few Tokyo Teas, so I was a little buzzed...then we went home.  On the LONG drive home, I tried to sleep at first, then he grabbed my hand and as I woke up, I looked over and smiled and we began to talk again... this time, the conversation was in a completely opposite direction-- he asked me what I think he should do about 'us'.  I told him he didn't really want me to answer how I felt about him, cuz he's not ready to hear it...of course then he really wanted to know- so I confessed that he was right about me wanting to still have sex with him in order to keep him around, and he confessed that the other day, when I told him I didn't want to speak to him for a while, that it really hurt him- and I told him he hurt me and that's why I did that...he understood, and I told him that I was totally falling in love with him and didn't know how to handle it!  WOW!  That got him thinkin for reals!!!  When we got home, he said he was gonna stay the night- and he said he loved me too, and that he wants to marry me and spend forever with me- and that he ran because it was all so perfect, that he didn't want to risk getting hurt.  aaawwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!  shellz-- u nailed that one! lol! 

Today at lunch, we brought the topic up once again, and he said that we should go to the courthouse and just get it done-- *gasp*  already???!!  But I told him that i want it done right-- and he understands :)  I really think this might work out :)  But I almost think it's too good to be true!

Everytime I'm with him, I feel completely safe and comforatable...like he completes me :)  and he feels the same!!!  OMG!

Mood: moderate
Listening to: My Humps

Things that make you go "hhmmmmm..."  Yeh- that about sums it up! lol

So, In order to compensate for the piano thing, I have been 'talking' to Jason cuz I feel really bad about that.  Honestly, the piano wasn't worth $250, so it's probably better.  However, I told him I would get him  approved on a car deal (my boss turned him down before) so I went back to the table and renegotiated with my boss- you see, last time, I didn't really try to hard cuz I didn't want things to get sticky if me and him didn't work out...BUT, since he won't LET me ignore him, and is going to set his payment on allotments, I talked my boss into approving him.  The only catch was...he wanted this old firebird that we are tryin to sell at auction, but it's janky- and my boss said it's too risky and now way on that.  But I had a couple of Lincoln Mark VIII's that were super nice.  I was going to sell him this white one, cuz it was cheaper and lower miles...but then when I went to drive it- it had some 'issues'.  Might have been as simple as spark plugs- but I didn't want to take any chances!  So I got him this really nice black one...he had looked at before (black is his color of choice anyway)...and when I drove it- shoot, I fell in love with it!  It was super nice!!!  Leather, sunroof, power EVERYTHING, and low miles!  So, I pulled some strings, adjusted the sale price a little, and got him done! (Oh, I had to bump him up a little in his down payment) but I'm cool like that...hahahhaaa-- guess my "powers of persuasion" do still have an effect on him *giggles*

After I sold two more cars and had to stay till like 7:45pm at work (was supposed to get done at 6)  he had told me to call him when I got off work so we could go drive around.  We went to Wal Mart and got a CD to listen to, then went to Lawton...no real reason, just driving.  He doesn't like bars and stuff- so we went to Christies Toybox (naughty store)  I was thinkin it would get him all worked up...apparently didn't work, I think he was more 'uncomforatable' than anything else...oh well.  Then went to the wal mart in lawton (ten times nicer than ours) to take a potty break and look for some more cd's.  Then he dropped me off at my house *sigh*  that's it. 

The good thing that happened though...hehehheee...y'all are gonna love this!!!  When I called him- it took him a while to pick up the phone, cuz he was on the line with his mom.  When he told her it was me calling- she hung up!!  When he told me he was talkin to his mom, I asked if he wanted to go back to talking to her, and he said no that she had hung up?  When I asked why- he said, "because she likes you alot, you're her favorite of anyone I ever dated, and thinks that I should sweep you off your feet and ask for another chance."  awwwwwwwwwwwww!!!  I never had a parent ever say that!!  I haven't even met her yet!!  Now remember, originally, we had planned on going to vegas in october/november and going to see mom and pops!  now i guess i don't get to :(  So, I guess there's hope yet- maybe eventually, his mom will talk some sense into him! lol   So as for me, I'm going to just keep playin it...I'm just going to take one day at a time, and try to move on, and maybe through our friendship he'll eventually realize what a great gal I am and how much he's missing out on!  Maybe it will take me dating other people for him to realize how desireable I am???  Anyway- that was how my day went.

Today, I'm sure will not be tooooo exciting.  I'm going to stay home and clean house, then go to the gym and then tan, and then I think I'm supposed to make dinner for Jason when he comes over to play video games...so I guess we'll see if he comes over...if not?  I'll just watch Bridget Jones Diary, and Phantom of the Opera, Napoleon Dynamite "GO PEDRO!", and/or The Sweetest Thing!

Mood: drained
Listening to: nothing actually...why don't i have the music on?

OK, not only has this been the worst day of my life, but it's by far been one of the worst month's of my life also!!!!  I'm beginning to wonder if I'm being punished for something!?

Let's recap... this month...lost Frank, and his friendship...lost Jason...can't shake his friendship so I can get over him.... havne't sold shit at work- so now i'm broke too!  And of course today... the doozie--

Today was the day to sell Jason my parent's piano...originally they were going to GIVE it to a family friend from church, but they never came to get it- so I convinced them to SELL it for $250 to Jason (who better to rip off?!)  I was gonna get to keep $50 for the 'sale' hahhaa!  I even bargain with my parent's...how funny!  Well, Jason called at lunch time, and I got Josh and Cody to meet us at my parent's house to load up the piano and move it.  Loading process-- successful.  Moving process...ehhh, well...  the first two corners, great...then I had to make a left hand turn, just barely...and the right side was the heavier side of the piano, and there was a wheel missing on that side, and well... wasn't going fast at all- but it sent the piano FLYING off the truck...I was SOOOO embarassed- and felt really really bad for Jason, he had wanted the piano so much!  So much that even after I told him I didn't want to speak to him ever again, he still wanted it!  Ugh-  Josh and Cody were driving behind us when it happened, and of course they thought it was hilarious... one of my finer moments in life I must admit.  *sarcasm*

So yeh- but Jason handled it suprisingly well- said that it just wasn't meant to be... I was shocked that he wasn't really pissed off!  hmmm... But my dad?? He didn't make things any better...he said I should still get the money from him (I can't do that!) and that if he didn't pay it- I'll have to pay them...grrr-- like ok, I needed that $50 a hell of a lot more than they needed that $200!!! Anyways, I just have to let him cool off and remember that I overpayed them on rent a couple months back in case of a situation like this*  mental notes always come in handy!* lol

So I told Jason I would help him find another piano- a nicer one, and that I would try to get him the firebird he wants from my lot- but unfortunately, my boss won't sell it cuz it's a piece of shit!  (which i told jason) but I did get him an approval on a super nice Lincoln Mark VIII !!  It's fabulous!  And a heck of a deal!  So I went to dinner with Jason tonight and talked it over with him, and I think he might come take a look at it tomorrow, and maybe buy it!  The bad thing though- is if he does buy it, he'll probably take that Autumn chick from Denny's to Oklahoma City this weekend to the fair :(  But the way Devin has the deal rigged.. he might not have enough money left to take her if he does get it! LOL  

ok- so, that's not right...but y'all know how it is...it still hurts, just like it hurts that Cupcake doesn't want to talk to me too.  But hopefully, my wounds will heal soon.

Oh yeh- one kinda good thing happened...I talked to an OLD friend online- who I used to totally crush on when i lifeguarded at the base like 5 years ago-- he was sooo hot back then!  came over to my parent's house for dinner one time-- soo dreamy- but wouldn't give me the time of day other than for BBQ...hehe... but he said today online after exchanging some pics- that he was really sorry that he missed out on me, and if he could go back- he would have tried to make it work!  awwww!  that's so sweet!  plus- he's so not as cute anymore! lol

 

 

 

Mood: JUST HERE
Listening to: nada

I learned alot of things today...can't really go into many details, cuz I promised someone i wouldn't ;)  ...but I want to say, that I think I did alot of growing up today.  One of the things about me, is that I give people many chances before I decide to just "let them go" as you all have probably learned by now.  But it seems that every time I think I have let everything go- they/that comes back.  Weird huh?  I think it's fucked up system if you ask me...kinda like politics LOL!  jk-- but seriously, I think that I have more of an impact on some people's lives then I think I do.  Kinda cool I guess.

In other topics... I can't believe all this evacuation stuff that is going on with hurricane rita- I can't imagine waiting for 14 hours in traffic- shit, I can't even stand an hour!  I'd be like- back roads please!  Does anyone have a truck that can drive me through that field?!  WOW- my coworker, Josh- his mom is stuck in Sugarland Texas, and can't go anywhere cuz her car is in the shop...but I think she has some friends that are going to help her evacuate soon, she was just going to stay, but the hurricane is coming right for them!  Her plan is to leave JUST before the storm hits to avoid as much traffic as possible...hhmm..risky- but it might work- probably better than going right now actually, cuz it's so late.  She seems to be a very strong person and has been through alot in the past few years- she had a bike accident and just now got to where she can walk again-- I bow to her and give all respect...she is stronger than me.  :)  I think Josh is really worried about her though- poor guy...he came over tonight and watched a movie instead of wanting to go to the bar...I think he just wanted some company- which is cool- cuz i could use some friends right now!

I came home from work- which is very bad right now- we are 5 cars short of where we were last year in this month...the first time since i became manager that this has happened- i'm a little worried!  But after work I went to the gym, and then tanned after I worked out...going to have to get some new tanning lotion soon- anyone have any good suggestions?  I like bronzers, so make sure they have them! :)  Then I went home and had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at my parents house- it's not the same unless it's at mom and dad's house, ya know!  Then came home and checked mail and watched the movie...I had to call Jason tonight to remind him about picking up the piano from my parent's tomorrow... ugh... but I called before he got off work and left a messege so that I wouldn't have to talk to him- i hope he doesn't call back...well, deep down- I kinda hope he calls, but I know he won't.  I give him back his XBOX tomorrow, but I'm keepin the Crystal Method CD! lol.... sigh- but these are the last things I have left to 'hold onto' :(

oh well- tomorrow is a new day....maybe he will look extra funky tomorrow and I won't feel attracted to him ROFL!!  just playin... 

ps- shellz- sorry i deleted ur comment, i'll tell u why i had to do that later, and to peek a boo- u seem cool and i appreciate your comment also! 

Mood: so so
Listening to: nothing

blah blah blah... OK guys- here is my Public Apology to MR. Cupcake...

Since I am being threatened... I took off the conversation with Cupcake that was posted on Sept 17th.  I want to let you all know that he is not a bad person, but niether am I, and that we both said some very mean things to each other...I apologize for the mean things that I said.  I will also take this time to apologize for my friend Jackie's rude comments also.  (Just for the record, I did try to stop her while that was happening). 

TO CUPCAKE:  I know that you will read this...so I want you to know that I am sorry that you are angry, but what's done is done.  It's in the past now.  You once said, that if I truly loved you- I would quit talking to you...it seems that when we talk online, all we do is fight-- again, Miscommunications-- so I am.  I thought this was all finished the other night, but you continue to drag this on and on...One thing that I think you need to learn, is not to care what other people think about you!  If you are the person you say you are, and your pics are true..then you have nothing to worry about!  You will be very happy with life when you learn to tune out all the bad things people say and do.  But as long as you keep breaking hearts, you will continue to have yours broken too.  I am learning this more and more every day.  I think you can learn alot of your friend- you know who- he is a very wise man and mature...I like him alot.  (thank you to Cupcake's friend for all your help)  He is right in two things especially...A) We BOTH need to grow up and stop this childish behavior towards one another, and B)  If we really love each other- we will stop trying to hurt each other.  And yes- I did care about you a great deal, so I am going to stop writing about you, and not try to communicate with you anymore.  If you contact me, I will be the happiest person on this planet- but only if we can learn to "talk" about things more openly.   IF you want to meet me still- then do so...IF you want to forget about me and everything that has happened between us- then please...let me go.

OK- I think i've made my point... and to all who read this and/or the conversation we had last saturday... know this one thing-- everyone does and says things out of anger-- the secret, is being able to handle the situation efficiently and not to let things get out of hand.

the quote i like best is "No one is worth your tears, the one who is- will never make you cry"    (i got that off of shellz webpage- thanks chicka!)

Mood: still standing
Listening to: my coworkers griping about putting a desk together

ok attached in my comments (cuz i can't get this stupid thing to paste- is what happened with Jason today)  you will all be proud though- cuz i stood my ground and told him that other than friday when he buys the piano from me and my mom, that i didn't want to talk to him for a while...maybe even indefinately.  I'm taking his XBOX back to him on Friday when he gets the piano- and that's that...nothing else to hold onto.  Plus- I even took his picture down!  ---->  see, not there!

Mood: steamed but relieved
Listening to: copperhead road

HA!! I finally did it!!!  I told Jason off--- i tried messeging his stupid ass on messenger, and he ignored me...i even tried to be luring and invite him to come have sex then leave- still no answer...no one ignores me!!  Especially someone I can do better than!  So- i told him i will see him friday at my parent's house (he's buying their piano) and then fuck him... he wins.  Then, I deleted his name off my list- so i won't be tempted to email him, and I'm deleting his number from my phone, so i won't call him either...FUCK HIM!!   *sigh*  I feel better...don't u?

Mood: confused
Listening to: itunes

I had a flash from the past yesterday/today...an acquaintance that said he "didn't want to be friends cuz we just didn't have anything in common" that i recently started being able to talk to again after seeing him out and about around town a couple times (and he apologized).    So, let's introduce Mr. Richard....he's a nice lookin guy- not really my type though- kinda shy...dry personality...but sexy in a weird kinda freakish way.  We talk alot of shit online, but in person- we just cook dinner, or go out to dinner, then talk, watch some tv- and i go home.  However- the thought is always there- like today- he totally changed pants in front of me so i could see!!!  I was like- ohhhk- he did that on purpose!! But i think of him more as a friend I think- he reminds me of an old fuck buddy...*flashback time!* ( i used to go see a guy in the next town over every weekend and we'd lock ourselves in his dorm room from friday to sunday and have crazy sex- coming out only for some subway or to get more sex toys! )  hahhaa!  I think of him alot when I see Mr. Richard.  I went to Mr. Richard's house tonight- had dinner- watched Rock Star INXS-- it was awesome! and I just couldn't bring myself to make a move! grrr- and he talked sooo much shit last night!  I think I still have feelings for Jason and need to get those sorted out before I move on, it just didn't feel right...but I know it would be cool with Richard!

Today at work was very slow!  Too slow- i'm getting worried about finances now- this month sucks and i have to have my hand surgery soon :(  Maybe my vacation pay will be much higher to compensate?!  Anyways...gonna go chat now- and keep myself busy so i don't think about frank or jason.

Mood: frustrated
Listening to: jet- look what you've done

Why are guys so freakin complicated!?!?!?!!

OK, so, i wake up this morning around 10:30 ish, and take a shower- check my mail, and then go to mom and dad's around noon and they had gone to take my little sister's friend home ( my little sis had her first friend stay the night - how exciting! ) and they came home around 1 and i helped my mom make a late lunch.  We had chicken and dressing with mashed potatos and green beans (icky beans) and it was fabulous!  I even made a cheesecake for dessert!  We haven't done that in a long time.  Just before lunch was ready (about 3pm) Jason called unexpectedly...he was supposed to be going to some guys' house to play guitar and watch football all day so i wasn't expecting to hear from him till late.  When he called he said he was ready to play video games, so I told him i had to eat and he wanted me to call when i was ready to go back home, so i did.  About a half hour later, I called him and asked him to meet me at my house.  So, ok...i was smoking when he showed up- he hates me smoking- and i quit while i was seeing him, but started after he left cuz...well....cuz it was like a rebelion thing i guess...plus i was stressed out and- well, i just did!  He greeted me with a kiss, and then we went inside and played videos games for a while, then had pretty cool sex!  I had to go to wal mart to get toilet paper, and he came with me.  We ended up buying like a whole bunch of junk food (so i'm assuming he's stayin the night and we're gonna go at it again later on) and we rented some movies and decided to have a "slumber party" (that's what i called it- so he wouldn't think i was expecting anything other than as friends) and we watched two of them....King Arthur- love that movie- and Blade Trinity (his pick).   We ate, and ate, and oh- ate more...lol  then we were talking in the living room and it was starting to get kinda chilly so i suggested we moved to the bedroom (i have this huge king size bed that we always hang out on) and we could finish talking and go to sleep.  All of the sudden he completely wigs out!!!  Said he didn't want to cuddle, didn't want to be touched, he was hot-not cold, and kept talking for a while.  I finally got up and turned the darker light on in my room and made the bed- when I asked him what he was doing just sittin there in the living room- he said "thinking about going home"  WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ABOUT?!?!!!  If he didn't want to have sex again- why the hell did we go through this whole charade and why didn't he leave earlier so i could go to bed at a decent hour instead of 3:30am which messes up my whole sleep pattern for the week!!!  GRRRR!!  so I naturally acted real pissy and asked him what the deal was, and he said he thought i was getting attached again ... cop out!!!... i told him that i think he's the one getting attached again and that's why he was leaving- cuz we had a fun day together.  He said we did have a fun day together- but wanted to go home and didn't feel like he needed a reason.   So i said, "fine- go home Jason" whatever... and I walked him out- and as i was doing so, he goes "so i don't get a hug or anything?!"  ugh- the nerve!  So i walk him outside- he gives ME a hug, and i light up a ciggy-- he goes, oh, "ur stressed now? don't be stressed."  well- excuse me- but i think i'll just be happy that i waited up to get laid and now ur leaving... i guess i should be happy about that. *sarcasm*  i hate him! 

but i have to be nice- he's buying my mom's piano Friday when he gets paid and i get some of the funds- by golly i need it- i'm soooo sucked dry this month and next month are going to be rough! 

Well-- I guess it was too good to be true...thought me and jason would at least be able to be "friends with benefits" but looks like he can't handle that either... cuz in order for me not to get attached, yeh- i'm gonna have to call the shots for a while on that!  anways-- I'm so not calling him until Friday...so if he wants to talk to me- he better call my ass... and we are not hanging out until next weekend!  IF ever.  stupid ass.

alright- goin now

Mood: drunk
Listening to: club music in my head still

Thank you to "go girl"...You have a valid point...why do I talk to Frank?  I guess it's just the whole mystery of it all...but hey- probably won't ever talk to him again now...so it's all good-- he is all bronze and no brains, I know that. 

OK- so I went out tonight, Altus is such a small fuckin town!  The customer that Josh sold a car to today is this weird lookin oddie body guy- who's arms are shorter than they probably are supposed to be... and like- he was at Scooters tonight- we said hi to him (me and Josh, my coworker) and then he disappeared, and he found me later in the night- and made me dance with him to two country songs- man, I don't know how to dance to that shit!!! hahaha- it was hilarious... and he confessed that he talked to me online like...omg- a year ago!!  now, I know there's a reason why I stopped talking to him-- probably cuz i found out he's funky- heh...but he was like I'm so obsessed over you- and all this stuff...ugh- and he'll be our customer for the next two years....grrrr.  Oh well- at least he won't be in too often, cuz he's on automatic withdrawel... hahaha!  

OK- so i'm so totally trashed right now...time to go to bed- just thought I'd let you all know that i went out and had a good time tonight with Josh- he's sooo cool, if I didn't work with him- I'd totally fuck his brains out! LOL!!!  He has this whole "I'm a player, but could settle down with the right girl, attitude"... he's awesome.  We played pool most of the night- and i beat some old geezer who tried to play me, but then Josh lost to him later on...hahahhaaa!! I kick ass!  :)   anyways- goin to bed now!!!!

Mood: STILL LAUGHING
Listening to: nothing

Dated September 15, 2005 -- ok, so here's the 411 of what happened with Cupcake the other day...and a little background, so that you all understand how this came up...and I don't lie- so u will just have to believe me!

I went to lunch with Jason around 1pm on Thursday- we had chicken fried rice at the Thai restaraunt mmmmm yum!  When I got back, I guess my status was changed from "stapped out" to "available" and Frank had tried messeging me while I was out... He was saying hello at first, then started going off on me saying that I was ignoring him?  (I wasn't even here yet!) and that he was going to ignore and block my name on messenger and my email...blah blah blah- he says that all the time, right!?  So I tried messeging him, and he wasn't answering back...I wanted to explain that I was out at lunch and not ignoring him on purpose, so I logged in under my friend Gayla's name.  When i messeged him that way- he said he text messeged my phone also..but I didn't receive any texts- I tried to explain that...then my friend Jackie text messege me on my phone with a foward from frank who had written her by mistake...  anyways-- lots of drama..if u are interested in the conversations and missed them while they were posted- contact me and i will let u know how to view them.

 

Mood: satisfied
Listening to: weezer (they rock!)

Wooohoohooo... Man- Have I got some juicy stuff to post on here!!  Hahahahaa-- Stay tuned for the latest and greatest argument with Cupcake..who's not really a cupcake anymore- he's more like a ... umm... generic knockoff little debbie cake or something...if that! ROFL!!  When my friend gets home, we are going to copy over and post his little 'episode' with her on text messege last night!  So everyone can see what an ass he is!  Hopefully his co workers will find THIS conversation, and have something to really give him a hard time about.  This way every woman in the world will be prepared.

In other news... *and jacquelyn, don't kill me*  but I had really hot sex with Jason today...wow...out of the blue- we mutually agreed on having a "friends with benefits" thing... only until one of us finds someone else of course..but hey, the damage is done!!!  Might as well get the most of it.  And it was like ten times hotter than the sex we had before...really weird- I think this is what he wanted from the get go... only now...I can be emotionally prepared, and "I" can set the rules...hahaha!  OK- so that might have been wayyyy too personal, but hell...ya'll will get over it.

Today at work was really slow for a friday... we're usually swamped...but we had fun!  I love my new coworkers/employees.  I think Chris is gettin a major headache from us being so smart-ass, but it just gives him a little competition. :)  Now if we can get some traffic, and sell some cars, we'll be doing great!

I broke my hand last december, and I had a metal plate put in my fifth metacarpal (pinky bone in my hand), and i have to have it taken out now that it is healed...so don't want to pay for that again! grrrr...but I'm going to try to get that done either the end of this month/beginning of next month so that i get the most out of my vacation pay, cuz it's based on my past 3 or 6 mos commissions and salary combined...so before we hit the drought (sept to nov) i better get it done.  *sigh* 

OK- like i said, keep checkin on the cupcake posting...I promise it will be worth the wait!  It's hilarious!!!

Mood: eh..whatever
Listening to: radio

OK- so it wasn't THAT boring- my mommy and daddy came by to see me while I was at work- and then while talking to them, my friend Justin came all the way from lawton (about a 45 min drive) to look at a car, and i got him approved and he's getting an Isuzu Rodeo from me at the end of the month- so excited for him!  and me! :)  Anyways- then I had lunch with Jason...suprised he remembered- but he wanted chicken fried rice at the Thai place, and they love me there...  Then when I got back- had another argument with Cupcake- he gets sooooo pissy!  I don't know if he was having a bad day, or just plain tryin to get rid of me all of the sudden, but he went off on me cuz i wasn't there to chat with him at the very second he wanted me to be.  And he text messeged my friend Jackies phone instead of my phone sayin that he was gonna ignore me- and i hadn't texted him from her phone in over a month (since i figured out how to do it on my phone)!  And he knows that!  STUPID!  I just think he gets confused sometimes and gets frustrated and impatient-- i told him we needed to wait until he got back to oklahoma to talk- when we can just meet and decide from there wether or not to remain friends-- but u know- u see the pic-- i HAVE to meet his ass!   LOL!  I was kinda mean back to him- but i think he wanted that...i think he likes pushing me, to see how far I will let him go.  oh well- no biggy.  Well- gonna try to check with the gym here in town tonight about a membership- my mom keeps coming up with reasons not to take me to the one on base.  BOGUS!  i'm gonna be a skinny girl- just you wait! giggles*

Talked to Shellz about me getting a kitten or something to help pass my boredom and lonliness..I think it's a good idea- now gotta talk my mom and dad into the idea (they own my house still)...  hhmmm... 

Better get back to work now!

Mood: bummed again
Listening to: Killing me Softly by the Fugees

I guess i got my closure tonight with Jason.  He did confirm that he is just not ready for a relationship like he originally thought..too bad that i was i guess.  He came over-- who knows why-- probably to get laid (whic no, girls- i was strong, and he didnt' get any!)  But we talked about flaws and attributes, and about compromise...but no matter what- he stuck with his decision to stay "just friends".  I almost cried a couple times, but held it back and didn't let him see it.  He wanted to stay and cuddle-- but I told him that it would just make me hurt more later if i kept pretending that it was going to work out- so if he doesn't have any intention of making it work- he needed to leave... so he left :(   He wants to have lunch tomorrow... I dunno about that- maybe i will say i am really busy at work...then i just have to make it one more day before Mike will be here to accompany me for the weekend (to help take my mind off of things).  I guess I'll see how I feel.  Just thought I would let u all know.  

Oh hey- did u see???  I made it to the "most frequented" list!! woohooo!!!  I have no life! lol

 

I'm feeling sooo down in the dumps today :(  Maybe it's the weather...or maybe it's that Jason didn't come over last night after he called and said he was going to?  grrr--- I guess tonight I will try to go to bed early and get some sleep cuz Mike will be in town tomorrow night or Friday :)  I figured out why I'm not more excited about Mike, and the possibilities there-- check it out--

My philisophical look on my past two guys and why I feel the way I feel now:

I have always been a little more on the defensive side withguys ever since the first asshole that came along and popped my cherry and left me alone and confussed...but I let those walls down for Cupcake- then Jason took that opportunity to jump right in there and take advantage of my giving heart and trusting conscience.  Well, now that he took that and ruined it- how am i supposed to get excited again?  Like, for example- this new guy, Mike..might be ten times the guy that Jason or Cupcake were-- but I don't know if I'm ready to take on that project right now.  I'm not even excited about it, really.

Am I a total mess or what?  Does that even make sense?  *sigh*  Well, i guess i will find out this weekend...all I know for sure- is that this guy has seriously got his work cut out for him! lol

I better get back to work now...

 

Mood: depressed
Listening to: iTunes

So, why is Jason still calling me?  And umm... why does he say he's going to come over, then doesn't??  hhmm... i think he is enjoying fuckin with my head, that's what I think-- but you know what?  Going to get a tattoo!!!  hahaha-- AND, I'm going to continue to be pushy, persistant, strong minded, stubborn and silly....and one of these days- maybe i'll find a guy who can accept my flaws with my attributes...like my smile, my laughter, my intelligence, and my witty come backs! haha! 

Sigh*  but no matter how hard I try...it's still hard to get over him, or Cupcake for that matter... I mean damn-- look at his pic!!  But I think he found a new girl today- and i sure can't compete.... she lives in his hometown...he talked to her dad online...she's pretty...and her dad knows his brother in person...uhh- yeh-- talk about perfect!  fuck-- why can't i find one of those??  And just after my breakup with Jason, hurts even more to see myself losing Cupcake again, maybe this time for good...slowly and painfully though-- grrr-- I just want to make it until I can meet him...he should be home any day now to Oklahoma...he promises to meet me- but he wants me to have a bf by then, so he won't be tempted-- uhhhh yeh, ok- like I can magically make that happen?? I don't even really WANT a bf right now, still hurts to think about losing Jason.  Yeh this Mike guy is cool and all-- and probably a nice sincere honest working man- but he's not Cupcake, and he's not Jason...but who knows- maybe he'll be better, and with him only being here on the weekends-- maybe that's what I need?  Frustrating though.

Well- it stormed here today- so had to park the cars under the awning at work (luckily Josh helped) so now in the morning we have to re park them-- what a pain in the ass...and it never hails if I park them...stupid weather.

 

Gonna go to sleep now- maybe tomorrow will be a better day.