Crystal's Trials and Tribulations

Mood: miserably hot
Listening to: radio

OK- so it has to be like 1,000 degress in this hell whole right now- the Air conditioner went out at my work, so I'm in this little building with no real air flow- the emergency door open and both front doors wide open- two fans blowing, and me and my coworker Josh are burning up!!  Plus I have this stupid allergy head cold going on- so that makes it even more misereable!!  I need a swimming pool right about now-- hey- maybe that would be a good sales event!!  We'll go buy a swimming pool from wal mart- and set that shit up out front and have a big party! LOL!!  I think I will call the bossman on that right now-- would you guys come buy a car at a pool party???  Gonna get a grill, throw on some hotdogs and hamburgers... hell- get the radio station out here- and bring on the beer!!!!   Yeh- i think that would rock.

So, this morning I had to go to my yearly gyno appointment-- that shit always sucks-- some lady sticking stuff in my poonanny... eww-- the good news is that she put me on birth control-- it's this new ring thing--have ya'll hear of it??  Can't feel it- it's so cool! 

ok- not gonna get too much more detailed on that one-- BUT, my mustang battery is dead- won't keep a charge, so Jason is taking it to the main lot to get the parts and service boys on it ASAP---I want to be able to go sport around in my convertible when I get off work today with it bein as pretty as it is out.  I'll keep u all posted-- laters!

Mood: leary
Listening to: what's up- 4 nonblondes

I can't help but think that this whole relationship with Jason is based off of my feelings for Frank...especially since I didn't get to meet him-- it almost feels like Jason was Frank- like, if I didn't know better, I would say that Frank was the computer Jason-- does that make sense?!  lol  I know it's not- and maybe frank was just a prep of my heart for Jason's sincerity, but it still makes me sad every time I think about Frank and what we could have been.  I try to shake the feelings...but now there's this talk about Jason moving in- which i think is a done deal.... and a month ago i was picturing moving back to Oklahoma City to move in with Frank if things had worked out...I mean- is this all for real??  Sometime I feel like a puppet-- and there's God, sittin up there in the clouds- stringing me along...making me do stupid stuff...and laughin!  If I were to use my best judgement and only my brain- i would definately not let Jason move in-- however, with it being a financial help to not only me- but my parents- and hey, even him-- and it is some big strong guy to protect me and make me feel special, not to mention all the fringe benefits LOL!!  I sometimes think, maybe I am just ready for this whole 'adult' life.  Maybe i do want to be married.  OMG-- did i just say that??? Ms. Independent "never gonna get married"... these feelings are what make me think that maybe this will be okay this time.  I don't think I've ever had a guy who was so....OK with all of these feelings.  PLUS my friend Jackie said she likes Jason- but she is from the same school of thinking as me, and says not to let him move in.  UGH- i wish my mom and dad weren't rushing me on this, but I feel like i owe it to them to try to help them out financially cuz they've done so much for me...but is that sacrificing everything i have ever stood for??  I guess what I've stood for has so far lent me a lonely and misled life... especially when it comes to relationships- so what the hell- i guess I'll give it a shot.  I told him he has to meet my mom and dad first- and told my mom  that I want them to be comforatable with him also...if not- NO DEAL! :)

Mood: shocked
Listening to: My Humps- Black Eyed Peas

Ok- so I never would have thought this would happen so fast...but today i went to my parent's house... that is only around the corner from my place, while i was waiting for jason to finish getting ready for the day.  Upon arrival, my parent's were leaving to get some stuff to fix their shower and asked if i wanted to join them- of course i passed on that one.  My dad looked a little gruff and said, "Your mom and I have been thinking and we decided that if Jason is going to be stayin at your place more than three times a week, he needs to pay rent."  So, my smart mouth says..."So you mean, it's ok if Jason moves in?"  Thinking they would say no...and my mom goes, "I told you it was okay if you wanted a roommate."  I was like, WTF?!  Ok- now, keep in mind,  my younger sister is knocked up, and half way across the US right now- my brother still lives at home, I've tried the whole "living with a guy thing" before, they know we're having sex every night..so umm... I was completely shocked at their request.  I called Jason and we decided to meet at Denny's for breakfast so we could discuss this.  Actually, the funny thing is-- he didn't flip out, he was pretty cool about it- his lease is almost up on his place, and we could both use a little help on bills (who can't) and obviously part of this is that my parent's need the help on bills also...sooo-- looks like it's a done deal- but I told Jason to think about it and let me know later today because it's a big decision and if things don't work out- he needs to be prepared for the consequences.  I think his mind we'll probably be married within a year though-- so I don't know if he's thinking about us 'not' working out.  I'm okay with this though-- I think it will be fun to have someone around again- i've lived by myself for like 4 years with the exception of my brief stay with Don and my sister chillin for a month or so before she took off.  And this way- we can cook for each other and stop eating out so much-- ugh!  I'm gonna keep losing weight wether it kills me or not-- so he better get used to it LOL! Overall, it may be sudden- but should go ahead while mom and dad are cool with it.... by the way-- Jason got his hair cut today :) yay- and he is wearing the trendy old navy wear that i got him this weekend- he's so stylin and profilin right now-- I think I'm gonna go jump him :)

Mood: tired, yet anxious
Listening to: aamzz's "lil bit"

So, ok- here's some thoughts... Jason insenuated he is hoping we get married again today...this time talking about moving to San Antonio-- which wouldn't happen for like two more years, but I've just never had a guy focus so much on wether or not I approve, or even considered asking my opinion on anything futuristic.  I think sometimes he's just testing me to see if I will bounce out on him like his ex did....other times I think he's been in love since first sight...does that really happen?  Even though we are two different types of people, I could totally see myself settling down with him... I mean, we might as well live together as it is- he's over alllll the time!!  He works on an opposite schedule as me though- he's 3pm-midnight, so he meets me for lunch after i get off work at 6, and i either cook or we meet somewhere, then he comes over and stays the night so we can do the nasty when he gets off work, then he either brings me breakfast or lunch at work and hangs out for a while.  OMG-- today, he washed my mustang, polished the wheels, armor-alled the interior, ghetto rigged my broken driver's seat (workin on getting the hookup so he can permanently fix it) and then filled it with gas just so he could drive it!!!  hello?!??!   how sweet is that?!  He's coming over after work so we can cuddle and watch movies tonight cuz it's my day off tomorrow...thank goodness, cuz the Air Conditioning is out at work-- ugh-- talk about hell...it's like 90-100 degrees outside!!!  My allergies are acting up so I kinda have a headache and my nose is stuffy, and my throat is a little scratchy too, but I thought that might be from tryin to quit smoking-- Jason hates that...so he helps tell me no when i get the urge.  Well my friends...I'm going to take a nap before my pumpkin comes at midnight! :)

Mood: compliant
Listening to: the traffic driving by

OK, so-- my weekend was full of excitement...i shopped till i dropped!  It was Jackioe's birthday- so I got her some new shoes, and Jason bought us all lunch at Texas Roadhouse- God, I love that place!!! 

We went to the mall, and Jason bought me some new jeans, a shirt, some shoes, some cute thigh-highs that are black with little black bows...*evil grin*  I got him some trendy clothes at Old Navy- sooo much better than his rough biker look!!

It was a nice chance to get to know him though- we talked alot, except the way home, cuz we were tired- and had a slight disagreement about on of his ex lays...*shivers* but we worked through it- see... I'm telling you guys- if you find someone that will talk to you about stuff and let you vent what's built up inside- and the communication line is open- anything is possible!! 

Well- i'm at work- so i'll fill u in on more later

Mood: a little bit hate right now
Listening to: assorted 'sprighty' music

You know, the more I thought about it...and the inspriation I had from a comment on yesterday's posting...(thanks girl!)....

FUCK FRANK!!!!  yeh, i said it-- i said his real name...whatchya gonna do from fuckin Dubai/Germany/Oklahoma City... I dare you to come do something about it!  (at least then i'd get to see the hiding face)! I'm not going to let some half hearted mother fucker screw up my idea of a perfect webblog... and you know what else??  (see, you got me all pissed off when you messeged my friend yesterday askin her not to have me messege you anymore)...TWO FACED!!!  The only regret I have is that i deleted all my entries about you, just to pacify you!  GRRRRRRR>...... I'm totally pissed right now!  but you know what... I decided to keep my webblog- and if i can get a hold of my old entries- i'll put them back in here too .. so :P

hahaha-- so anyways, gonna go to OKC tomorrow, gonna have great sex both tonight and tomorrow, and ummm... gonna get drunk tomorrow and then have my new guy take me shopping!  LOL!!  I'll let you all know how it goes on Sunday night.

Mood: content
Listening to: mixed songs of emotions

Ok, so i accomplished what I wanted to accomplish.... I gained back a miliscule of Cupcake's trust...he says he'll be my friend, but I am conditioned to being "just friends" and contact via email only.  I guess it's only fair...I did mess up.  However, with that in my mind, I don't think I need half of Europe/Oklahoma reading my every thoughts waiting for me to mess up again, so I'm moving webblogs to one a little more secure.  A fresh start I suppose you would call it.  I'm at a turning point in my life right now... It seems that day everything came out in the open (so to speak)...was the day that my life turned completely upside down--- My sister is pregnant, I found a really sweet guy who wants to spoil me with affection and gifts and love, all of my friends seem to be settling into a nice path with a guy of some sort, my job is rockin!- I will own my own car lot someday....just watch, I have a new look at my boss and his opinions,  I have a new respect for my parent's and them a new respect for me, and I'm comforatable with life this way.  I imagine everything will continue to fall into place over the next two years...and I'll probably carry on with my trials and tribulations.  Life and dating are a trial and error process....with each attempt to find satisfaction, you find the good and the bad in everyone and everything.  You learn that next time, things may be better or worse, but at least you have eliminated the bad things, and can focus on the good things.  My recent experiences have showed me to be more optomistic in life...and to be prepared for life's curve-balls.  My friend told me something the other day that completely makes sense....

"If you want to be in the NFL, you have to train for the NFL- and be prepared for it."   She has a point..... Cupcake, you showed me that I can be a part of the NFL, and with the right dicipline and dedication, and without the errors... maybe someday I can be a part of a life like yours.  Until then, I have to live like I am in the JV team, just waiting my turn.  :)

Ugh- what a day .. I had to do collection calls at work, have to do the 3-10 day past due from now until the new chick gets here... fun (NOT).  Well, I decided my sister has finally hit the crack pipe way too hard-- she's 23, pregnant, no intentions of being married to baby's daddy...and thinks everyone in the world hates her.  Everyone is trying to help her realize that she needs to grow up and face the consequences of her actions.  She thinks everyone should drop what they are doing and be ecstatic for her-- how can anyone be happy for her?  She's half way across the US and has really screwed up now-- she's mentally unstable (supposedly) and going to raise a child when she can't even take care of her self??  Shoot- she relies on guys to take care of her right now as it is!  What a mess!  I'm tryin to stir bad feelings with her- but she insists on blaming mom and dad for her mistakes- and really, it's not fair- and no i'm not going to side for her on this when I know mom and dad are right.

As for my new flame?  *Sigh*  I dunno... he's so sweet...but it seems a little odd that he wants to spend every waking moment with me and I just met him 5 days ago!  This morning he was helping put my bracelet on, and saw my butterfly ring and said "Hopefull someday soon that can be a real ring, and on your other hand."  WTF?!  way too fast and too soon to be thinking about this i think.  We act like we've been together for a long time, and I think maybe some of that is my fault cuz I'm still lost in an imaginery relationship with Cupcake...wishing that he was real and in my arms.  But I know he can't be...and sometimes I think that I am blending that experience with my new guy and our new experiences...which is not fair to my new flame... but I guess gives him the advantage of holding my bleeding heart in his hands and trying to sew it back together while I am most volnerable.  does that make sense?  hmmm....

Well, I'm going to get back to work now- today is a gym day, hopefully mom won't flake on me today and will take me to the gym on base... it's so much nicer than any other place in Oklahoma.

Ok- so, since I know so many of you out there want to talk smack- let me know ur input and vote on my poll on how to feel about my 'new flame'!

Mood: tired
Listening to: mak radio

Well, i had a trip to the dentist today with my mom.  I hate going to the dentist! :(  I try to avoid it at all costs, but I had to get a filling for a cavity.  My mom drove me to lawton to my appointment, which was nice, because I got to spend time with her and talk uninterrupted.  The appointment went well, but I have to go back again in two weeks-- they want to pull my wisdom teeth :(  I think all dentists want to do that....conspiracy I say!  *giggles*

I went to the mall with my mom and got this smashing outfit!!  I love shopping and finding good deals!  Then we came home and I had dinner with my new flame (again) and he is on his way over here in about half an hour.  He's totally sweet on me!  It's nice to be appreciated.  We are going to try to spend Sunday in Oklahoma City with Jackie and Jeeve because it is Jackie's birthday!  Happy Birthday Jacquelyn! :)  It will be a double date sort of thing-- we are planning to spend the day at Frontier City...so fun!

well, i will write more tomorrow- i'm sleepy!

Mood: finally feeling better
Listening to: nothing yet

Ok all you losers who have nothing better to do than to read my journal and mess up people's lives.... here's how my eventful, real weekend went....

First of all, I drank with my friend Paul on Friday night here at the house- we had a good time!  I had totally blown all my guy friends off for the infamous "Cupcake."  So it was nice to have a conversation with a guy again.  I had to wake up early Saturday morning...so it was a short night. 

Saturday was so distressing!  All I did was think about Cupcake and how much I possibly hurt him.  I honestly didn't think he would ignore me for so long!  Oh well, if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be.  He was too perfect anyways.  I knew there was a catch.  I'm also thinking that he is probably married in real life, and has like 10 kids or something...and obviously has a short fuse- which i predicted.  I don't need to be with anyone who can't control their temper, or someone who is going to lie to me to try to make me happy-- for example.... promising that if we ever have a fight that we would talk things out....or that he believed I would never hurt him intentionally-- what a crock of shit!  He was so messing with my mind the whole time!

Anyways- Saturday at work, I met a guy from the Motorsports shop next door to my work-- he's so cool!  We drove around peeling the mustang out and speeding very fast!  It was so fun- with the top down and the wind blowing in my hair-- soooo exhilerating!  Then I invited to come to Scooters with me and have some drinks with my friends and I.  I came home and got totally beautiful-- curled my hair and everything-- i looked very sexy!!!  Then he played his guitar for me-- I love that romantic gesture- he's pretty talented!  Then, the drinking was on!! He didn't drink though- cuz he was designated driver... :(  I guess I do need one of those sometimes... I didn't even really dance that much though- or visit with my friends- the whole time we were gazing into each other's eyes and sparks were flying everywhere!!  We have so much in common- and we've both had our share of heartbreak-- I needed someone to make me feel special again, and he was doing a pretty good job.  He brought me home- and we were going to have a party at my house- but i wasn't feeling too hot (too many cape cod's to drink) so we kicked everyone out- and went to Denny's.  All the waitresses there knew my new flame- and they were all delighted that he was courting such a beautiful chickadee (hahah- me!)  so it was very encouraging.  Then, we went back to my place where we fell asleep in each other's arms and he took care of me the rest of the night....ahhhh!

Sunday, we woke up and went to wal- mart to get something to cook- we saw Gayla and Psycho Tony there-- being crazy as usual-- they made a perfect couple!  I can't believe I hooked up with him before-- *shivers*  So I bestowed my blessings and focused on my new flame... i felt so 'grown up' and comforatable with him as we were shopping- and I wanted to show him off to the world!  When we came home- we made a lovely lunch, then went to the movies and watched "Dukes of Hazzard"-- we both enjoyed cuz we have a similar admiration for the 'need for speed'...and the chase scenes are awesome!!  When we were done at the movie- we stopped by my parent's place to pick up my XBox...which we never played cuz i forgot the power cord- then decided to go to Blockbuster and rent some more movies--- but as we were leaving, i kinda stubbed my toe on his boot as i went in for a kiss... it didn't hurt that much- but while getting a movie i noticed that my toe nail had broke and was bleeding all over my yellow flip flop-- when I showed him, i could tell it was really bothering him that he had hurt me-- it was sooo cute!  We came home, nursed my toe- watched a part of a movie- then went to bed.  It is like I have known him forever!  I feel like we are married or something already?!  wow-- i think a little bit of it is that i almost pretend that he is Cupcake though-- which I don't want to do, cuz that's not fair to him... but then- it could be the other way around-- maybe Cupcake was just a preperation for this most sensitive sort of guy.  I've been wanting to happy and settled for so long- I hope I'm not trying to rush into things with this guy-- but he even called his mom today and told her that i was his new gf...and that we are going to go see her in October hopefully--- uhh...ok-- wow.  But parent's love me- so it's cool! 

I have to go to the dentist tomorow...and I think he wants to take me- but I don't want him to see me all drugged up and puffy cheeked just yet-- so I think I will wait till I have my hand surgery before getting him into all of that!  I need to spend some time with my mom though--- she's sorta bummed about my younger sister being prego in Massachusettes.

Well- that's it for the all new exciting adventures of Crystal...tune in again for another episode tomorrow.

Mood: depressed
Listening to: nothing

Mood: angry
Listening to: nothing

I bet you all think you are really clever...well, you should all be ashamed of yourselves.  If you were looking to destroy someone's hopes and dreams...then congratulations- you succeeded!  I told myself over 5 yrs ago that I would never meet another guy off the internet...that they were all bullshit!  I should have listened to my gut instinct.... Cupcake- you should not feel like a silly guy- you should feel like a foolish lonely guy!  I know now why you are single....you can not follow through with any commitment or promises. You told me that you would always talk things out with me,  You promised you would love me even when you are mad, and you promised to love me.  You asked that all that i do in return was LOVE you back...well- i tried that, and obviously that was not enough.  You should be mad at the clown that showed all of my journal entries to ur friends and coworkers... not the one who tried to express her feelings to you!  When you decide to grow up,,,,and get over your fucking self-pity and hatred--- let me know.... and for the rest of you-- don't pretend you never chatted flirty with anyone.....we have all done it!

good luck in making frank feel like an idiot and thanks for ruining my dreams!