Sally's Blog

Mood: tired
Listening to: country

My sister, Sarah is going to be graduating on Friday. It is kinda hard to believe that now there will only be one of the three of us left here, Sarah will be moving out on her birthday in August and I will be headed back to college a little after that and it will only be Sadie here and even she will be graduating in 3 years! Anyways Sarah just went to get her senior pics taken last weeek, she couldn't get in with a photographer until now but it worked out really well. I just got mine from the school photographer and they werent very good but hers are awesome. The photographer gave us a DVD that was a slideshow of all her best proofs so we are going to wait to order them since everyone will be over for graduation we will just show that and they can pick what they want. I copied osome of the pics from the DVD on to my computer, there were almost 40 proofs but these are my favorites:

This is not the best one but the scenery is really good in this one.

I'm so jealous, she apperently got all the pretty genes lol. This is the one that all her guy friends liked best, I like it too.

I think the sepia tone thing makes this one look good, there was a color version too but this one looks better.

I think she looks like a model in this one.

I think this is the best one out of them all. She said this was on someones private dock by the river and they had to sneak over there to get the pic, but it was worth it.

I like the barefeet in this one

I think she looks very classic in this one.

She doesn't like this one b/c her sash is hanging between her legs but I think it is pretty

She likes this one better than the other in this location, I like it too but not as much.

 

 

 

 

Mood: wierd
Listening to: "don't ask me how I know".....a really good song

I haven't written in here in a while but I thought I would add some stuff tonight. I really have a lot I wanna write about so either this is going to be long and random or most likely I will get bored of it.

I am back home now, I got back Thursday night and it was really good to see my family and my pets, it really kinda hit me though this time that my rats are dead, I miss them so much. I went in my sisters room (my room really but she moved in there when I left) to say hi to them and I had totally forgotten that they were gone. It was so sad to see the table in the corner where their cage was completly empty. When my sister was painting that room after I left my parents moved my rats in with them temporarily next to the birds and while they were there one of the birds learned the squeaking sound the wheel used to make when they ran on it and now when he makes that sound it takes me a while to realize it is him and not my rats. It is kinda wierd, I know, that I am so upset over a couple of rodents but I really loved them.  And now I am afraid my wolf mix dog is dying. She is epileptic and she has been having grand mal (sp?)  seizures since she was pretty young (she is about 5 now). The seizures at first only came about twice a year and then it moved one or two every couple of months and it stayed that way for several years, but since I got home she ha been having between three and five a day. The poor thing is so exhausted she can barley walk so we took her to the vet over the weekend and he told us that they are being triggered by either a kidney infection or some kind of problem with her uterus. The problem is the kidney tests only showed a slight indication that there might be a poblem and he can't tell for sure what the problem is without opperating and he can't opperate when she is seizing this much. So he gave us some kidney medication so hopefully that will work and when/if she gets over all of this we are going to take her in to have her uterus removed so hopefully she will get better soon, I don't want to lose another pet! So I am sitting in here with her now until she falls asleep. We have padded the corners of things so she won't get hurt from the seizures or falling since she is having trouble walking, an we have covered the floor in old towels because every time she has a seizure she loses control of ALL her functions including her bladder and her bowels so that is a mess and she is filthy but we can't bathe her until she can stand up fopr longer than a few seconds. So it is all REALLY unpleasant for her and for us.

Hmm....what else.....my dad is out of town on business this week (which I hate b/c they are taking advantage of him but thats another story) so he gave me instructions on how to do all the pool up keep stuff. So tonight when I went to go shut off the filter and the Polaris I just stayed out there for hours. Everyone was asleep and it was all dark and quiet out there. I climbed a tree that I used to go up all the time when I was younger, it seemed way taller then but somehow it was way harder for me to get up now lol, once I got up I just sat there and cried. There is no real reason that I cried just a bunch of little ones. I thought about when I was little all the fun I had in my yard and all the people who were with me then but are gone now for anything from death to just people that I lost contact with. I thought about how I thought things would be and how they are, some are better, most aren't. I thought about my dog and all my pets that are already gone. All that thinking made me think about what the 10 yr old me would think about this me, it is like 2 totally different people I think I would have been disgusted to see what I am if I could have whaen I was younger.  After all that I just went and laued by the pool with my labroadors and I prayed, I don't really pray very much but I just layed there and I REALLY prayed. I am not even sure where I stand on the whole god thing but I figure if he is there I should at least try to find him., or me or whoever I find in the process. Then I just layed there.  I was looking at the moon and wondering if there is someone out there for me and where/who he is.  I also wondered why I was sitting there feeling sorry for myself when I should be thankful, I mean it is hard to feel sorry for a girl who is living in a nice, safe neighborhood and whose happy, loving family is still all together and, and has a car and is in the process of getting a college  education. But still I was sitting there in my huge backyard by my inground pool feeling bad for myself? What will be good enough?  I dunno anyway I am getting bored lol and it is late, so goodnight.

Mood: depressed
Listening to: evanesence

I woke up this morning with a terrible hedache which has still not gone away and on top of that I was freezing, I must have hit the snooze 4 times not because I was tired mostly just because I didnt want to leave the blanket. Finaly I got up and they must have had the thermastat set in the 50s as usual and I look outside and it is all rainy and like 40 degrees, I wanna know where May went lol, I heard Amarillo got like 3 inches of snow! Anyway so I am sure the weather contributed to my mood and headache but I went to my first couple of classes which went okay since it was the last time for Tues. Thurs. classes it was mostly final review stuff, but then I got to my car and went to shut the dorr and the latch broke so I am driving with one hand and holding the door shut with the other so now it is just sitting in the parking lot open for whoever wants to take it, which would be fine exept I don't think my insurance covers that otherwise I'd be more than happy to let someone steal it lol. Then I had to go to this end of the semester convocation thing with the school president and a lot of other important people and my professor had said what I took to be "it is at 2:10" but he meant 210 as in room 210 and it was at the same time as class always (1:00) is which totally makes sense in hindsight since rm210 is always where those things are, but my dumbass shows up at 2:00 as everyone is leaving and I walk in and the president just laughed and said "oops" it was so embarassing especially since like half my classmates thought it would be nescisary to point out that it was over lol. Also today was possibly the last chance that I would ever get to see this guy I really like because he might not be comming back next semester but he wasn't where he normally is by the time I got done explaining why I was late to the dean at the convocation! Oh well though my friend sorta has a thing for him too and she said it first so it would be kinda wrong for me to try to get him, but he is a great guy I at least want to be friends with him but I dont think I have his # ( I used to but I lost it) so i was gonna get it and give him mine so we could hang out even if he doesn't come back next semester but guess not now. I just really hope he comes back. Then I was trying to figure my expenses for all the stuff I need for the end of the semester like storage and stuff like that and it comes out to be way more than I have not to mention I need to get my car door fixed now since I have an 8 hour drive home, that or I will have to go gehtto and duct tape it shut lol, I really hope it doesn't come to that! I also was trying to get tthis mirror I had hung on my closet down since i am kinda starting to pack up and it was really stuck good so when I finally got it off I lost my grip on it and it shattered all over the place and it was really big so that was no fun cleaning...not to mention that has to be all kinds of bad luck to break a mirror that big lol.

I know all that doesnt seem so bad but I have been really stressed with finals starting this week and all and Ive been kinda depressed, especially today so with that and all the little things it is just kinda overwhelming. I was taking a shower earlier and all the sudden I just started sobbing for no real reason. I dunno i guess I just need to make it through this week and next and then I can go home and relax.

Mood: bored
Listening to: evanesence

Yesterday was my birthday. I am now in my last teen year, I can't believe I am 19. It was kinda boring, I don't really like people to make a big deal over me though so I only told a couple of people. All I did was go over to a friends house for pizza, beer and a movie. But it wasn't too bad. We watched fight club, I had never seen it but it was funnier than I thought it would be, it was a pretty good movie.

I had to be at this car wash/ bake sale at 8 am today for my, it was really cold so I left the car wash part up to other people and I manned the bake sale table lol. It was to benifit the Cancer Society. We acctually did really well, it was supposed to go until 3pm and whatever was left was going to go to the BBQ that we are having tomorrow but we sold out by noon and we had a ton of stuff too so that was great. I was glad to get outta there early, I was freezing and I wasn't even all wet from washing cars so I can't imagine what those guys musta felt like.  

I doubt there is anyone that reads this anymore but I thought I would put this link on here anyway because I think it is pretty cool...it is a link to some really cool videos done by a fan of Carnivale. I love this show and if you have heard of it you should check these out....even if you haven't you should watch, its an amazing show and I hope it gets a third season.

 

Index of /carnivale/bcg

the first link on the page that this will take you to is a link to the main site which is also pretty cool, it is called "carnycon" and there is a chat there where the actors in the show occasionally show up to chat in.

The rest of the links are videos but just be warned that most of them are probably a little R rated, but nothing too bad.

Mood: reminisant and sad...hard to explain really
Listening to: chevelle

This is gonna be long but sisnce I am pretty sure I am the only one who ever looks at my blog I guess it doesn't matter. hehe

 

I have been really thinking a lot about the past lateley...I think it is mostly because I am more on my own than ever and its kinda scary to have so many changes all at once. Anyway, I was thinking about a friend, Jessica,  I had from eight grade to 10th grade, sadly she was killed in a car accident at the end of our sopmore year. I was thinking about how happy she was and, although it was a short, and troubled like that she had, how much she cherished it. She was an amazing person and I, and so many other people she knew, miss her greatly.  I remember I was in a couple of her classes in elementary school but although we got along alway we never really were friends until our 8th grade history class. That was the most fun class I have ever been in in my life! Our teacher was an older man named Leibert Armor, and he was so funny. One time he was assigning us a paper and before he finished Jessica asked what we were supposed to write in on and he jokingly said "You can write it on a roll of toilet papaer for all I care, as long as you write it over the right topic" so a few weeks later when it was time to present she showed up with her entire paper on a roll of toilet paper and she got up there like it was nothing and unrolled it like a scroll or something and read it, she was always funny like that. Between her and Mr. Armor they always had the whole class laughing. Another time he told her if she didn't quit talking he was "gonna beat her with a wet noodle" so she told him she'd provide the noodle then, but she did't get it so the next day she showed up with a dry spaghetti noodle in a bag of cold water. So when she continued tralking he taped her mouth shut (not in a mean natured way, it was all in fun) so then she was using getures so he taped her hands to the desk. A few minutes later she had pulled it off and she was trying to throw it in the trash next to Mr. Armor just to show him she got it off, but her aim was terrible so she ended up hitting him right in the head with it. His expression was priceless and she fell on the floor laughing. Until we could drive we rode the same school bus home and that was always a lot of fun too... we had the greatest driver, me, her, my sis and one other guy were always last off and we were his favories so he would take us to McDonalds like once a week on the way home. One time she asked to see what was under this big latched door on the floor next to him and he told her to open it(the bus was going) and it was the engine so when she did it scared her nad she jumped backwards and screamed and slid across the floor...it was so funny. She used to always aim her gum for my sisters hair, but never made it, and one day she didnt have gum but had a mini rubix cube so she threw it at her, but her aim was terrible like I said, so it went out the window and hit the car next to us...we all laughed so much when she was around. The odd thing was she didn't have that good of a life by most peoples standards. She was pregnat 3 times btw. 9th and 10th grade and always miscarried and she had abussive boyfriends and a deadbeat dad. One time after she told me about her bf hitting her she just looked at me and grabbed upper my eyelashed and said "you blink too much" (that was her pet peeve) and she laughed. I asked her how she could be happy after telling a story like the one she told and she said "because if I don't laugh Ill cry and why cry when you can laugh". I was like wow, she was such a strong person and I try to think of those words whenever I feel down but it is hard for me to go by them sometimes.  A few months after that her car was found in a ditch one morning with bullet holes in it, apperantly she snuck out to see her (abusive) bf and on the way home there was an accident and she was not found until daylight. The official police rport said that she had fallen asleep at the wheel and the bullet holes were made before the accident, but I don't buy that, how could someone fall asleep after being shot at erlier that night, I think she was being shot at and swirved off the road, it was the wreck that killed her though. I am sure her asshole bf had something to do with it too I just wish they had proof to arrest his ass. There are 2 things beyond the obvious that really get to me though, I always wonder how long she was alive after the wreck, I mean was she killed on impact or did she have to suffer there alone while cars passed by above her completley unaware of her. Also we had started to drift apart when this happened so I just hope she didnt think there was a specific reason for it like I wasn't mad or anything, I thnk she was a great person, we just never saw each other really anymore. I remember I was watchig the news that night and her face came up and I was exited to see my friend on the news until their words registerd that they were atalking about an accident and not only that but her DEATH. I was shocked, I called y sis at a friends and told her but I dont think I even believed it. I went to the funeral and sat alone in the back pew, I didn't want to see my friend who was so livley a few days before laying dead in a coffin so I sat out of view. I managed to keep my composure through the service, which was packed so that just shows how much hse was loved, but afterwards I saw a friend and she came and hugged me and then we both just lost it.  That was a terribly sad day but I am glad she lived a full happy life for the short time she was here. Myself and all those who she knew will always miss her. Anyway that has been on my mind latley and I just needed to vent.

Mood: stressed
Listening to: "how do you get so lonley"

I am so frustrated. I have so much going on right now I can barley get started on one thing before I have to go to the next. I am the co-captain for a Relay for Life team and the fundraiser money is due tomorrow and I havent raised a cent which means all $100 for the minimum entry,  plus the money for the doughnuts which are another part of the fundraiser, plus the money for the BBQ that night (which I won't even eat since I am a veggie) are all gonna come straight out of my pocket. It might not seem like much but I can't find a job so thats is litterally going to take every dollar I own. Then a week later I have to bake 3 items for a bake sale to benifit the tsunami relif efforts which I have no money to buy the stuff for...not to mention I haven't figured out what oven I will use since I live in a dorm. then to top off all the money stuff my car is a piece of crap! the drivers side door broke today and won't open anymore, it is making a funny clunking sound, and it keeps dying on me, not to mention I am just about out of gas! Thank god this town is amall enough to walk everywhere. Plus I have at least 2 more fundraisers for different things this moth that I will have to contribute to.

One more of many problems is that I did all this research to find out exactly what foods have products from dead animals and I found a ton of stuff that does which all seems pretty innocent. So I have been trying to cut all of that stuff out but there is so much of it I can't remember it all and I haven't had time to just sit down and make a list. Some of it though is unavoidable...like I found out there is gelatin in photo paper and in film. BLAH Problem is that I have already cut so much stuff out that I know it must be pretty unhealthy, My hair and nails are really brittle, I have to clean out my brush every day at least once...Im gonna go BALD lol.  I don't know if this is at all related but my skin is so dry that it acctually feels like snake skin, but that could be because of all the wind too and that I cant afford the Hemp lotion I usually get because it is $20 a bottle so I am stuck with generic, stinky stuff from the dollar store. I know right aww boohoo poor girl doesnt get her fancy lotion, but my skin on my thighs bleeds it is so bad.

As far as school goes I have 3 tests monday and a research paper due that I havent even started. I am makind Ds in 2 classes, and before I know it finals will be here.  Next week I will have to start figuring out how I am going to spend my summer, I am thinking about taking a couple of classes at the community college at home and applying for an intern position at the zoo. Which means that is all more paperwork to go through.

My "plan for my self improvement" isnt going so well either. I just don't have enough time for the things I listed a few days ago that I want to change.

yuck I just feel really bogged down and pressured and I won't get a break until school gets out in May.

Mood: bored
Listening to: Country

I was just watching the season finale of carnivale on HBO(again) and I seriously think that might be the only show on TV right now that is worth watching. It acctually makes you think, its not just some cheap FOX reality show like everything else. Everything has deeper meaning than it seems at first glance, even the opening credits. This season finale though was GREAT I really hope HBO picks it up for another season. I was really disapointed that Tim Dekay's character died, he was one of my favorites. All the actors on this show are amazing. It doesn't hurt that they have some pretty good looking guys on it too, but one thing I love about it is even though they have some very good looking actors and actresses they really don't use any kind of sex appeal at all. Well exept that a couple of em are strippers but still they are shown more as strong women than strippers.  I hadn't heard of any of the actos before although now that I look back I have seen some things with them in it I just didn't really notice that particular person. Anyway I think they are all great but I especially like Tim Dekay(maybe kiiled off now), Nick Stahl and Clancy Brown who is not too bad looking for an older guy and I think the other two are really cute too. I will be so mad if HBO cancells it :(. Anyway if anyone hasn't seen it I recomend you find out what happened the first season(hbo.com) or you will be totally confused and then starting on April 4th or 6th  I think you should watch this season. Its my favorite show, I was like obsessed with friends when that was still on but this show is 15 times better, although it is in a totally different category.  It is great. Watch it.

Mood: depressed

I am so tired of feeling so lonley and ugly all the time...seriously I don't think I have ever looked in the mirror and thought I look good today.  I think all the promises I made to myself are only making me feel worse but I have to follow through with them ti feel better. I am a really boring person too but I have changed so much on the inside since college began so I feel like this new fun me is trapped inside the old boring me. Problem is if I just suddenly change people will think I went crazy or something and I don't know how to gradually do it.. BLAH I don't feel like even thinking about al this anymore.

Mood: mellow
Listening to: country

Lazy people have really been bugging me today Not that I dont have my share of laziness. For example my frined was all mad because I am making an A in the class she is failing, I think she is trying to play the race card since she is the only black person in the class but thats not the case, its her laziness, she told me that she didn't know why she was failing since she had done almost all of her journals that we have to turn in every week and she had come to ever single class, thats her perspective of it. Actually she has missed 3 classes and even though she has turned in a lot of journals (which don't count for much) she told me the other day he e-mailed her saying that she needed to go in to more detail in them because she was recaping the class and not telling her thoughts on the lessons and I believer her words were "I don't give a shit what we do in there so I'm gonna keep writing them how I want to". Also we have taken 2 quizzes in there and she didnt study for either of them and she bombed them both. And she can't understand why I am passing and she isn't, its because I study and show up to EVERY class and acctually participate when I am there! Then in one of my classes the prof. passes around an attendance sheet everyday for us to sign and every time someone who doesnt have anyone in arms reach of them gets lazy and decides to stop passing it so i totally forget and walk out of class without getting credit for being there. I was at the store and this guy is looking for a space to park even though there are like 4 cars in the entire lot he apperantly wanted a front space so this other man starts backing up (in a front spot) and I let him back out more just to be nice than to get his spot, Apperantly I didnt realize this guy needed this parking spot for whatever reason and I start to pull in and suddenly he comes flying in from the wrong direction and cuts me off...I came inches from hitting him! I didn't mind losing the space I just was mad he was to lazy to park to spaces down that he would risk a wreck to get the spot. Anyway lazy people bug me today lol.

 

On to other things...I was pretty good today. I messed up a little as far as all my promises to myself that I made yesterday but for the first day it wasn't too bad all in all.

good things I did:

1. I gave myself a french maicure and pedicure.

2. All I ate was a veggie wrap, but it did have ranch dressing on it, And a nutrigrain bar and a diet cerry limeade.

3. I worked out for an hour this morning, I did 30 min.   cardio and 30 min strength.

things that didnt go so well:

1. I opted for jeans and a t-shirt this morning  I probably shoulda picked today as a day to dress nicer.

2. I didn't really talk to any new people(or much of anyone at all for that matter)

3. didnt really make much progress as far as guys but I won't dwell on that too much yet

4. failed my zoology lab practical

Im new to this blog . The reason I switched from t-blog is that they wouldnt let me ad pics with out paying them so I came here :)

 

I have been thinking alot about how great this little town is. It is in the most beautiful part of Texas so it's always a beautiful day even when it rains. The people are so nice here too...its so funny, when I go home to Waco I am almost offended when people don't wave at me when they pass by lol.  Anyway here are a few pics of the area...and a couple of me too, I dunno why just cause I can.

 

This is the Brewster County Courthouse. I think its a cute little building. lol (I dodnt take it)

 

This is an airview of the whole town...obviously I didn't take this one either.

A nice pic with twin peaks in the background.(didnt take this one)

thats a pic of the town from farther off...the big red buildings are SRSU.

Pic out my dorm window...I love my view.

Thats another pic out my dorm window of the skyline of mountains. I just wish the ugly apartments werent there to mess up my pic.

Getting darker

 

Night...out my window again

 

This a pic of the UC when it snowed a couple of months ago.

Thats the Sul Ross brand all covered in snow.

A really pretty snow pic outside the library (I didnt take this one)

the Heights Apartments all snowy.

another snow pic....that small mountain in the back ground is called A Mountain...that always makes me laugh.

This is the crappy Mountain side dorms..Thats where I stay...They are building nicer ones though...yay

Mountainside again.

Thats my jeep

another snow pic.

thats me...ahh bright flash lol