to err is human....
Mood: angry
I will never ever understand people who have to pick on someone else to make themselves feel better. It seems>>no, happens<< that I cannot do anything right. No matter what I do it is wrong. Okay, honestly, sometimes there is thanks or praise for something, but it is almost always followed with a criticism of it or something else which then cancels out the so-called good stuff.
I know its petty...but it was socks yesterday. Socks! The matching of!! I get up early, give him his pills, get brekkie ready, get him up, prep his bath, make the bed while he tends to his personal stuff, lay out his clothes, make his lunch, do the dishes, take his stuff down to the car, drive him to work....
and he complained that the socks weren't paired properly. He has 3 pairs of black socks exactly the same...and they weren't right? He pulled them apart & started to examine them...and then found that there wasn't a clear match in any case. Still, he couldn't believe me. He had to check for himself. He had to blame me for something. He had to have a go at me before he started his day at the office. I suppose that's because he can't pick on anyone there, so he has to get it out of his system. Great.
Well, I couldn't help myself...I felt stabbed to the core. I work so hard for him..and all he ever does is criticize. Something. Last night it was marks on the carpet...a nice little trail of drips of something from the kitchen to his desk. Gee, who could have done that?????? No, its my fault there's marks on the carpet. Cream carpet / rented flat. Great.
Did he apologize once he discovered he couldn't do any better? Even when I dropped him off, all he did was say have a nice day...like a fucking cashier! I'm sooooo important...it would serve him right if I died. He'd have to do it all himself.
Death is a very real desire for me lately. I just don't care enough about anything or anyone to need to stay. If a truck came barrellling down on me I don't think I'd jump aside. Too bad for the driver. As long as I die. I sure wouldn't want to depend on him to take care of me!!!!!!
