Protected....or just plain abused?
Mood: ok
I thought I'd store this email which I sent to my friends just before Christmas...to remind myself how I am controlled....in case I forget!
****
We are getting along very well lately, and his support & faith in
my during my course was phenomenal! I do feel loved, and I do want
all things to work out. Sure, we have rough spots, but everyone
does. Thing is, this was a true trust thing on his part, and I'm
not going to jeopardise how we're doing. Despite the way it looks,
I believe that this is a huge step for him, and us, and I'm going
to do my best to make things work even better!
I do understand where he's coming from on this, and I appreciate
it--his strength & resolve--even though the old me kept telling him
that I couldn't disappoint them. He is right, and I believe he
made the right decision for me.
Here's the excerpt:
"They got the reference & offered me a job with a localoffice for
minimum wage. When I got the text about it while I was at training
last week, I called the agency to confirm, because he agreed it was a
good idea. Since coming home, looking at the offer and considering
its relevance to the next email I'm sending out, he has decided
it is not the job for me. He prefers for my British experience to
center around ISMS and/or
***sorry, interruption here, as I was reading out my response and
he would like you to know, in his own words: [I] would
completely absorb admin work...and never be respected for doing so.
She is capable of significantly more, and has demonstrating this
during this past week...by taking a leadership ISMS course...and I will not have her undermined or undervalued by performing menial tasks unless they are perceived as having strategic value to her future.
ok? As you can imagine...I feel sooooo valued and loved and well
chuffed!! I have to write the big email to everyone...and then go
to bed. He's off with his hot milk and is expecting me before he
finishes it!"
There you have it. I couldn't say what I really thought at the
time...I was still processing it...and I didn't want to insult him
if he read it.
So, Monday morning he called the agency and told them I was sick
with the flu (not far from the truth, as I was totally exhausted
from the course & lack of sleep last week, and now have a runny
nose & sneezies!) and he left me in [the village] so I could
recouperate. He told them I wouldn't be available all week, and
maybe not next week either. He did not tell them I wouldn't be
taking that job, nor why, even though I did (reticently at the
time) give him approval to do so. You see, we do want me to get
the 6 week fill-in job at his work in January, which will be posted
through that agency, so I had to be on their register to apply. Now I may have jeopardized that opportunity, although he's willing to accept that as a consequence. He wants my resume to be specialist now, not generalist, especially where it pertains to the UK. I
understand it all,, and appreciate him...its just not the courteous
thing to do.
So, there you have the next step in my life. I passed the course,
and he wants me to find something that will use those skills, not
just any old job. That's actually very supportive, although a bit
embarrassing for me when there's a cancellation like that.
However, the agent did know that I was only interested in her agency because of one specific job, which requires Security Clearance, which would rush my application through so I can then get a position as a security auditor somewhere. Do you get it? Its very complicated
in some ways, and I'm still trying to reckon with it, as you can
tell!!
As I said, this email is being done at the library, just so I could
explain things to you. I don't normally do this, but I felt I had
to, since a couple of you had asked & I kinda sidestepped the issue
as I had to think it out. Now that I am in complete agreement
with his decision & support, I can address it "legally" if you
want to write to me asking how the job hunt is going!
I am happy with the way things are going!!! It truly is a show of his
protection of me...and if feels great!!!
*****
okay...that's how it was. Now that I reread it myself I do see the benefit of his decision, even though it still feels bad that I let the agency & the prospective employer down. They even offered me another job yesterday, again at minimum wage (which I do not think I should ever accept, now that I'm coming around to his thinking) and I very easily said I wasn't interested and why.
What does bother me is whether he will ever actually allow me to work for anyone? He is so used to being pampered that I don't think he wants to adjust. Besides, when his contract in the city is up what happens if mine is still going...am I to just quit??? Is he standing in the way because he wants to control who I talk to?
One of the companies he worked with last week seemed a little interested in considering to take me on as an apprentice...probably at minimum wage, but in the exact area I want to concentrate on. Again, he'll know them and be able to call & find out how I'm "adjusting" so I don't talk to/have lunch with anyone he doesn't approve of. But at least I'd be getting valuable experience and adult professional conversation! If he'd only sit down with me to tailor my CV....
So, I'll wait before I make any complaints...I do rather like being a "woman of leisure" more or less.....
