quietly troubled...silently searching...hopefully waiting

OK

Done a lot of thinking about options. Not going to live in fear. Got a letter from previous employer which has sparked my imagination and given me strength.

1. My job is open & worth $43,000

2. My house has to be sold...and should bring me at least $30,000

3. PEI has opportunity & loved ones. I could buy a place for a B&B...room for M&D & me & others

4. ON has kids & friends, and the job...but it would eat all my income. Still, good support, especially in London.

I could survive quite nicely, thank you.

Threats won't work anymore...but I think he knows that. He has not said anything nasty about my leaving or anything in months...so he must understand that I have been pushed far enough. 

Instead he seems to be withholding. There's no sex of any kind. No bondage at all---he hasn't even replaced my collar which broke around Christmas.  Comments on lack of it every now & again, but has done absolutely nothing to replace it. 

so I surf...like I did 5 years ago...a gal's gotta have fun!!

Mood: pissed off

He hates to drive in the city. He almost always wants me to. So when he got out on Sunday to run into a store I took over the wheel because we weren't really parking.  He didn't want to drive, so let me do so. We did the errands, visted a friend and headed home.  Ok.  7pm and he hasn't had a drink yet...but he drank 3x normal the night before.  We get all the way in, dodging a traffic snarl, using a slightly different route.  We get to the block before his office...a trip we make every single day...and he said he still didn't know where he was.  The GPS was doing its usual trick of ignoring the nearer intersection in favour of the one after, and I reminded him that her "stay left" was actually for the next turn, and he needed to stay right at this fork.  he yelled what lane and I said this one.  he said what one and started moving left.  i already told him not to and said stay in this one.  he said what one....i said where you are.  we have done that intersection at least 100 times in the last year...and he acts like he's never seen it!!  It absolutely drives me bonkers.  Like he had to have something to yell at me about or his stinking day isn't complete.  Not fair.