http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia That's the world from my perspective - with a free weblog from blogigo. en princess_pia princess_pia Sun, 17 Feb 2008 12:02:57 +0100 daily 1 I’m in a weird place at the moment.   I just spent a month overseas (which was fantastic) and got back 3 days ago.   D & I were seeing each other again casually before I left and I was worried about him while I was away – when I left he was in a really bad way financially and emotionally, but I’m happy to report I have come back to find he is much happier, in a better (not great, but getting a handle on things) financial state, and he missed me! I wish I could say that life is rosy but that’s far from the truth.   I was so depressed before I left because I felt like my life was going nowhere, sick of my job etc etc.   I knew I would come back and still feel shit about things, and I do.   I’m also in a lot of debt and things will be really tight for a while, and I’m so depressed about going back to work.   I’m in a bad state but I told D I was going to try and keep a positive attitude, see if that might train myself in liking work and looking forward to going.  ... Sun, 17 Feb 2008 12:02:57 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Update/45/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Update/45/ Okay, so just when things were going along nicely, they suddenly went pear shaped.   D is having some serious financial issues and has been really stressed out.   He ended up calling things off because he needs time to get himself back on track before he can be on track for us.   I realize that we could have stayed together while he sorted it out, but I guess people deal with things differently than others.   He’s pushed his family away as well so it’s a bit of a worry.   I’m in love with him, he makes me feel great.   I still hear from him, he called up last week choked up, and saying he doesn’t ever want me to think he doesn’t care about me and that he’s hurting too, and that half the people at his work now know what’s going on with him (he confided in a friend at work) and he feels like a total loser.   I’ve never heard him this down and I’m worried about him.   I took the break up really hard at first, I didn’t want to be around anyone.   To fill in the time I... Wed, 17 Oct 2007 10:28:56 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/What-goes-up/44/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/What-goes-up/44/ I’m sitting here, feeling like total shit on what should have been a great week.   I feel like finally things are coming together.   I started a great new job this week, and things with D have been going really well and I can really feel myself falling for him.   He is awesome and I love being around him.   He makes me feel great.   But at the moment I’m really sick and I feel really hurt and let down by someone I considered to be my best friend.   I’ve been sick for a couple of weeks now.   Whenever this friend of mine is sick I always get in touch with her to make sure she’s okay and I let her know not to hesitate to call me if she needs anything.   I’ve not had that from her, AT ALL.   I’m the sickest I’ve ever been.   It was my birthday the weekend before last, and we had plans to go out.   We weren’t going to go if I was too sick.   On my birthday, I didn’t hear from her until 4.30pm!!   She’s normally the first person I hear from on my birthday,... Fri, 24 Aug 2007 12:04:40 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Let-down/43/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Let-down/43/ I have been seeing more of D, and I’m completely smitten.   I’ve gone from this “happy to date, not ready to commit to anyone” phase to “I don’t want to see anyone else but D”.   Unreal.   I went out with him last week for his birthday, met some of his good friends and had a great time.   We have talked a lot, we know a bit of each other’s past experiences.   There’s nothing I don’t like about him so far.   When I’m not around him, I’m thinking about him and I know he feels the same way.   This is what I didn’t feel with N.   This is how I want to feel!   I love that D listens to me, and hears what I say, even better he remembers everything I tell him!   I’m so used to not being heard.   Not being paid attention to.   Feeling like what I have to say is of no importance at all.   D is different.   Yeah, I am so scared of getting hurt (turns out he has the same fear) but at the end of the day which is worse?   Not taking the chance and never... Mon, 06 Aug 2007 14:53:21 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/New-Things/42/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/New-Things/42/ In the space of about a month, things have changed alot. N took me to the snow, paid for all my snowboard hire equipment - he had gone and bought a gift voucher to the value of everything I'd need for our first date which was so sweet. But I hated snowboarding, as hard as I tried. I hated the snow. And by the time we got back home I realised he wasn't right for me, as nice as he was. Everyone thinks I'm mad for letting such a nice guy go - but I didn't feel that spark was there. That's just the way I feel. Looks like R is moving away - about 400km away. I'm not sure when, I haven't spoken to him lately. Hope it goes well for him because it's a great opportunity. I've been hanging around a girl (H) from work, we've been playing pool and hanging out. What I've noticed is that she seems to be quite volatile. There is always a drama and she's quite moody.  And I have caught her out a few times contradicting herself in stories... Fri, 20 Jul 2007 16:47:00 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Downward-Spiral/41/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Downward-Spiral/41/ The drive with R was awesome fun. Basically a few of them with their powerful cars get together and drive on this country/mountain road, overtake each other, speed etc. We talked, he was having girlfriend troubles and I told him that whatever he decides it has to be his decision. I know what it's like to be in a shitty relationship and although you're aware it's shitty, it doesn't help having people in your ear telling you what to do. You have to do what's right for you when you're ready. I spent most of the day with him, it was nice to get out of the house on the weekend and do something different. That night I went to the movies with N. He's such a cool guy and he always seems happy!! B, as gorgeous as he is has major problems and is manic depressive, he explained it to me that no matter what happens, he's never happy. I enjoy hanging out with him because he's fun but deep down I know he's really sad. I wouldn't like to get involved with him... Sun, 24 Jun 2007 07:44:00 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Stuff/40/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Stuff/40/ The date last night went well, N seems like a pretty cool guy. We played some air hockey, pool and then went bowling. I lost at everything, but had fun losing so that's the main thing! He's really nice. I think I'm what you call a serial dater. I have dated SO many guys ever since becoming single. All thanks to internet dating. I kind of enjoy it, well at first meeting a new guy is kinda scary. But I have no other way to meet guys. I don't go out on the town all that much, even still what kind of guys do you meet out there? Drunks, and guys looking for a one night stand. Not my style. So anyway tonight I hear from R, asking if I want to go for a drive with him tomorrow. Maybe I should have said no but I love the way this guy makes me feel. Although nothing will happen, he's still with his girlfriend and even though he's unhappy, that's his problem to deal with and I'm not getting involved with him in that way. Just friends. Even though he gives me... Fri, 15 Jun 2007 15:08:01 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/R-again/39/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/R-again/39/ Last weekend was cool. I went out with a workmate, only there was a huge lineup at the place we wanted to go so we headed over the road to another club, only they were closing! Wandered back towards the main street when I heard someone tapping on the window as I walked past. I ignored it because I wasn't game to see who it was! The tapping got louder, then my phone started ringing! It was R! I walked back to the window and we were talking on the phone to each other through the window, it was hilarious! I hadn't seen him for so long, I ended up going back to his place with him and 2 of his friends. He had to duck out to take a friend home so I stayed at his place and talked to his friends, a girl and a guy. It was a good night, he really is awesome. I was ready to head off home in the early hours of the morning, but he convinced me to stay another hour so he could drive me home. So I stayed a bit longer then I finally convinced him that I would be fine in a taxi. Then he came outside (at 2.30am)... Wed, 13 Jun 2007 14:30:49 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Sweet-little-R/38/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Sweet-little-R/38/ So I've been doing some thinking.   I'm really pissed off at Z because I haven't heard from him in nearly 4 weeks.   He apologised in his last email if there were any "false pretences", ummm okay.   He was the one that was sending ME websites about long distance relationships, not the other way around.   I hate how he's acting all innocent when he was the one hinting at something more, not me.   Then he said "our lives are actually quite different", to me that's hugely condescending!   You may as well say “I think I’m better than you”, because that excuse was total bullshit.   Not that any of it matters, he’s not interested and that’s fine and the best thing because I know a long distance thing wouldn’t work – my problem is on weekends I get so bored and wish I had someone to hang out with.   My issue is him acting like I must have imagined what we both knew he was coming for in the first place.   It hurts because I thought if... Tue, 05 Jun 2007 15:10:32 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Changes/37/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Changes/37/ Well, I'm feeling a whole lot better about the Z situation. It did hurt at first but the last couple of weeks have dulled that feeling. I have been hanging out with a new guy B, who is fun and really cute. I'm not really sure where it's headed (if anywhere). At the moment I'm in a weird frame of mind, I'm feeling pretty despondent. Everything seems hopeless right now. I can't decide what to do with my life. Should I save for a house or should I travel? Should I move out of home? The thing that's bothered me the most is that I got a message from my ex the other day, asking if we could meet for a chat sometime this week (out of the question). It's been 7 months, I don't have anything to say to him that he'll want to hear, but apart from that I just don't feel strong enough to face him. Why is that? Why can 7 months go past and right now I can say that if I saw him I would most definitely break down and cry? I think because deep, deep down it still hurts and... Wed, 23 May 2007 14:09:00 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Despondent/36/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Despondent/36/ Isn't it funny how quickly things can change from great to just plain crappy? Z came down for the weekend and I have to say he was even better in person than I imagined. I had a great time with him. To me things just felt right. Last night I came home and felt sad about him going home today because I've loved having him around. Well anyway, today he had to go home and he broached the subjetc of "us" and to be honest at first didn't understand what I was hearing. When he said "I still want to talk to you" I realised it was a blow off! Great! Basically he is confused about things with us so that makes him think (quite rightly) that that's a no for anything more to happen between us at the moment. Then he asked what I thought and of course I felt the exact opposite and had NO idea what to say, I was totally stumped. And hurt. I just wanted to walk away so he wouldn't realise I was upset. Last night I had a think, laid awake for ages thinking this guy is... Sun, 06 May 2007 13:26:00 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Down/35/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Down/35/ So it's been a while... I ended up seeing S the next weekend, he finally made his move and kissed me which was nice. When we parted ways he kissed me on the lips and said "See you another time"...at the time I thought "well that's kinda vague". So...I haven't seen him since! I'm totally confused by this kind of behaviour but it's his loss. I deserve a hell of a lot better than that. I bought the book "He's just not that into you" and I have to say, it is FANTASTIC! A real eye opener, and it has given me the answers I need and not to be tempted to message S and see what his deal is. I don't want to know because I don't care anymore.  Anyone who leaves me hanging like that, and makes me wonder for weeks what I must have done wrong, isn't worth anymore of my time. Z is finally coming to visit in a couple of weeks. I think he's great. We have so much in common. The only apprehension I had about him visiting is... Sat, 21 Apr 2007 12:50:00 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Update/34/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Update/34/ Well yesterday I caught up with S.   That guy is awesome.   Mysterious yet awesome…I still don’t know what his deal is.   We went to have a look at a car show, then we went and played a game of mini golf – I played terribly but it was so much fun!   After that we watched a video at his place, then got some tea.   I can’t work him out.   He is so much fun to be around.   I really want to see more of him.   I’m hoping he doesn’t have another freak out and fall off the face of the earth for another couple of months…   Funny thing is I knew he would be back.   I had no idea when but I just felt like I had to be patient and see what unfolded.   I won’t chase him.   I didn’t push him to find out what he’s been down about, although I’d like to know but I feel like maybe one day it’s something he will bring up?   I don’t know how guys work.   But I do know I don’t want to pressure him when we’re not “anything” yet.  ... Mon, 19 Mar 2007 12:02:24 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Finally/33/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Finally/33/ It’s been a strange couple of months…it’s almost 5 months since my break up.   I’ve been okay, been on a few dates with some really nice guys but nothing spectacular.     The best was R.   He was a couple of years younger then me, I wouldn’t normally go for someone younger than me, but this guy was awesome!   We went out for tea, 10-pin bowling then we went for a drive, stopped a few places along the way and just talked.   I didn’t want the night to end!   He was a perfect gentleman, always opening the car door for me (I have never had that before!) and insisting on paying for everything.   The only downside (which proved to be a major one later on) was that he had only just recently broken up with a long term girlfriend…he decided to go back to her!   I was disappointed because he was great, but at the same time it opened up my eyes to the fact that there are these great guys out there.   I told one of my friends that it was the best date I’d ever been on... Fri, 16 Mar 2007 13:15:04 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/All-over-the-place/32/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/All-over-the-place/32/ It’s now 12 weeks post breakup.   The ex is driving me insane.   He called about 3 weeks ago crying and asking if I would change my mind.   Hell no!   I only answered the phone because I didn’t think he would carry on with that sort of crap.   Funny, but the entire conversation with him crying I felt so emotionally detached.   Those emotions he felt that night were how I felt for 5 years.   I have no sympathy.   Why should I?   I made the right decision, and that was that my life does not involve him any more.      So mainly the last few weeks I have been trying to ignore his calls and messages.   I’m just not in the mood.   New Years Day I was away (he was aware I was going away).   Between the hours of 1am and 7.30pm that night, he called me ten times.   TEN TIMES!!!!   At call number 5 I answered (because he had also called my home phone looking for me there knowing that I wasn’t there!) and he was slurring so much I could hardly understand... Wed, 17 Jan 2007 10:24:00 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Bitchin/31/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Bitchin/31/ It is now 6.5 weeks post break up and it still hurts.   Some days are better than others.   I have been hearing from him a bit lately.   He is shocked I don’t want to get back together and help him get off the drugs.   All I could say is that I was there for him for 5 years, he could have spoken to me at any time about it.   And the fact that he hasn’t even been around hurts.   How can I ever think he’s sincere about wanting me back if he hasn’t even come around?   I miss him terribly but at the same time, the things I don’t miss is being stuffed around, hurt, lied to and taken for granted.   He said he hasn’t been around because I said I didn’t want to get back together, although the first time we spoke was about 2 – 3 weeks after the break up.   If I meant that much to him surely he would have been on my doorstep begging for my forgiveness.   He said to me “Well you have been around to see me” – I WASN’T THE ONE THAT STUFFED THIS UP!!!!   He doesn’t get... Thu, 07 Dec 2006 09:43:17 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Insight/30/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Insight/30/ Heartbreak It’s taken me a long time to feel ok to write about what’s been happening lately.   Two weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years.   It was really tough, and the last couple of weeks haven’t been easy for me.   It was never the “perfect” relationship, I made all the effort ALL the time for our relationship, it was very one sided. A couple of weeks ago, he was meant to come over so I sat and waited.   And waited.   And waited…Finally I called him and instead of coming over he had decided to go out drinking with his workmates.   He drinks EVERY DAY and I thought one day off the booze wasn’t too much to ask.   The bit I was most angry about was that he didn’t bother to call me and let me know he wasn’t coming over.   I was sitting at home like a fool waiting for him to show up.   He couldn’t understand why I was so angry.   He was meant to call me when he got home but didn’t (I called him).   All the... Sun, 05 Nov 2006 11:24:00 +0100 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Heartbreak-annoyance-and-flying-high/29/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Heartbreak-annoyance-and-flying-high/29/ I received this e-mail the other day and thought it was beautiful. IF I KNEW If I knew it would be the last time That I'd see you fall asleep, I would tuck you in more tightly and pray the Lord, your soul to keep. If I knew it would be the last time that I see you walk out the door, I would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for one more. If I knew it would be the last time I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise, I would video tape each action and word, so I could play them back day after day.. If I knew it would be the last time, I could spare an extra minute to stop and say "I love you," instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.. If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day, Well I'm sure you'll have so many more, so I can let just this one slip away. For surely there's always tomorrow to make up for an oversight, and... Mon, 11 Sep 2006 00:00:00 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/memory-those-who-lost-their-lives-Sept/28/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/memory-those-who-lost-their-lives-Sept/28/ So it’s Sunday.   I had to decide today if I am going back to work tomorrow or not.   I really don’t want to go but I’m feeling ok, and the longer I leave it to go back, the worse I’ll feel about it.     I’m really lacking in motivation at the moment.   On Friday night I started crying and couldn’t stop.   There was nothing wrong, apart from me not feeling like myself and still being in a bit of pain.     Not looking forward to work tomorrow at all.   I hope my workmate doesn’t feel like giving me a hard time because I just don’t think I could handle it.   Either that or I’ll snap and tell her where to go… Sun, 10 Sep 2006 05:57:00 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Back-to-work/27/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Back-to-work/27/ What a terrible week it’s been. We’ve lost two great Aussies, Steve Irwin and Peter Brock.   When I heard about Steve Irwin I was in shock.   I’ve never met him before in my life, but I felt like I’d lost a friend.   Many people I’ve spoken to about him have felt the same way.   It’s incredible that someone you don’t even know can have that impact on you.   N ow Peter Brock too, another great Aussie icon lost.   That too was a shock.   In both cases, I was hoping it was some sort of stupid false rumour that started and spread like wildfire.   But it wasn’t to be.   Both great Australians were taken long before their time.   My deepest sympathies go out to both the families and friends of these amazing people. Sat, 09 Sep 2006 22:00:00 +0200 http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Two-Great-Aussies-Lost/26/ http://www.blogigo.co.uk/princess_pia/Two-Great-Aussies-Lost/26/