What goes up...
Okay, so just when things were going along nicely, they suddenly went pear shaped. D is having some serious financial issues and has been really stressed out. He ended up calling things off because he needs time to get himself back on track before he can be on track for us. I realize that we could have stayed together while he sorted it out, but I guess people deal with things differently than others. He’s pushed his family away as well so it’s a bit of a worry. I’m in love with him, he makes me feel great. I still hear from him, he called up last week choked up, and saying he doesn’t ever want me to think he doesn’t care about me and that he’s hurting too, and that half the people at his work now know what’s going on with him (he confided in a friend at work) and he feels like a total loser. I’ve never heard him this down and I’m worried about him. I took the break up really hard at first, I didn’t want to be around anyone. To fill in the time I would have spent with him, I’d go for drives which really cleared my head. I couldn’t concentrate on anything apart from driving, so my mind didn’t wander too much. My parents were really worried and tried to tell me that he had been using me. I don’t believe this for a second! To think that every moment we had, the endless conversations we had about anything and everything, the way he looked at me and all the fun times we had was a lie, is something I honestly couldn’t handle. And I refuse to think that. What we had was real. I’m kind of hurt and annoyed because my mum said to my sister out of the blue (they hadn’t even been talking about my situation!) “He was just using her for sex, you know”. What the hell!?? I never discuss my sex life with anyone! And for her to think that and presume what the relationship was all about is pretty hurtful to me! My sister (who has met him a few times and thought he was great) said “I really don’t think he was using her. It’s not like she didn’t get anything out of it either!”. I don't think someone who was just in it for sex would bother introducing you to his friends, meeting your friends, family and parents! Hell no!!! All I can say is, he made me happier than I ever knew I could be and I still love him and I hope he gets sorted out and comes back, that’s the only thing keeping me from breaking down at the moment. If you don’t have hope, what do you have?
I heard from my ex (who I broke up with a year ago in 1 week!), he wants to give it another go, and thinks we would have been almost married by now. I said we weren’t right for each other, he disagrees. He called me up crying. I was dumbfounded! I can’t believe he’s not over it, after all this time. Gosh, all I want is for him to be happy but I definitely know we aren’t meant for each other, especially not after what he put me through!
Urgh. I wish life could be simple. I wish D & I could be together and deliriously happy again. Fingers crossed…
