Thoughts, dreams and fears

Jun 24, 2007 at 07:44 o\clock

Stuff...

by: princess_pia

The drive with R was awesome fun. Basically a few of them with their powerful cars get together and drive on this country/mountain road, overtake each other, speed etc. We talked, he was having girlfriend troubles and I told him that whatever he decides it has to be his decision. I know what it's like to be in a shitty relationship and although you're aware it's shitty, it doesn't help having people in your ear telling you what to do. You have to do what's right for you when you're ready. I spent most of the day with him, it was nice to get out of the house on the weekend and do something different.

That night I went to the movies with N. He's such a cool guy and he always seems happy!! B, as gorgeous as he is has major problems and is manic depressive, he explained it to me that no matter what happens, he's never happy. I enjoy hanging out with him because he's fun but deep down I know he's really sad. I wouldn't like to get involved with him in a relationship because I'm prone to depression, and I think being around someone like that would bring me down. It wouldn't be good for either of us. It makes me sad because he is a beautiful person and it would be so hard to never feel satisified or complete. I met up with him last weekend to play some pool. Pool is my new passion, I can't get enough of it!! I'm getting pretty good at it and I love playing with different people because you pick up different hints on how to play. I seem to be good at getting the tricky ones in, it's the ones that are set up right in front of the pockets that I seem to have trouble with!

I spent the whole day with N yesterday, we went to a little town about 40km from home, went and had a look at a waterfall then had lunch, had a look around the town then went back to his place to play some pool. Then we came to my place for a bit, then went to the pub up the road to have tea and play some more pool! He's really nice. He's normal. He treats me great. This scares the shit out of me. I'm not used to be treated right. I'm not used to getting all of someone's attention. I think because he seems so great I'm wondering, there has to be a flaw, surely he's going to let me down soon?

As for Z, I'm so pissed off with him. Fine, he didn't feel the same way that I did but I'm over that. I thought at least we were friends. In his last email he said "I'd still like to keep in contact with you". Okay, well he did a good job of that. He's "not into playing games", well okay asshole then you should have been honest and not mentioned anything about wanting to keep in touch if you really didn't want to!

Last night when I was at the pub with N, my ex called. Only I didn't know it was him because it was a different number so I answered. He was really drunk and said "How come you answer your phone to a different number?" WHY DO YOU THINK!??!?! I said "I don't have time for this" and hung up. It's been almost 8 months, GET OVER IT!!!! He just does not get the hint. The last time I spoke to him (months ago) I said stop calling and messaging me. That should be hint enough that I don't want him to call or message me anymore, right? So he keeps going and sends me messages saying we need to talk....what about? I'm not coming back, EVER! I've told him that! And it should also be hint enough that I never answer my phone to him and I never respond to his messages! Apparently not!!!

Jun 15, 2007 at 15:08 o\clock

R again...

by: princess_pia

The date last night went well, N seems like a pretty cool guy. We played some air hockey, pool and then went bowling. I lost at everything, but had fun losing so that's the main thing! He's really nice. I think I'm what you call a serial dater. I have dated SO many guys ever since becoming single. All thanks to internet dating. I kind of enjoy it, well at first meeting a new guy is kinda scary. But I have no other way to meet guys. I don't go out on the town all that much, even still what kind of guys do you meet out there? Drunks, and guys looking for a one night stand. Not my style.

So anyway tonight I hear from R, asking if I want to go for a drive with him tomorrow. Maybe I should have said no but I love the way this guy makes me feel. Although nothing will happen, he's still with his girlfriend and even though he's unhappy, that's his problem to deal with and I'm not getting involved with him in that way. Just friends. Even though he gives me butterflies in my tummy. And I do want to see N again. I'm looking forward to having a "normal" relationship with someone. One that's based on trust and respect for each other. Someone that I have a future with. Honestly I don't know who that is, and at the moment I'm happy meeting new guys and seeing what's out there. For the first time in a long time, I'm happy being me. I'm happy in my skin. I don't really care about the little things anymore. I'm living for the moment, feeling as young as I am. It's a great feeling!

Jun 13, 2007 at 14:30 o\clock

Sweet little R....

by: princess_pia

Last weekend was cool. I went out with a workmate, only there was a huge lineup at the place we wanted to go so we headed over the road to another club, only they were closing! Wandered back towards the main street when I heard someone tapping on the window as I walked past. I ignored it because I wasn't game to see who it was! The tapping got louder, then my phone started ringing! It was R! I walked back to the window and we were talking on the phone to each other through the window, it was hilarious! I hadn't seen him for so long, I ended up going back to his place with him and 2 of his friends. He had to duck out to take a friend home so I stayed at his place and talked to his friends, a girl and a guy. It was a good night, he really is awesome. I was ready to head off home in the early hours of the morning, but he convinced me to stay another hour so he could drive me home. So I stayed a bit longer then I finally convinced him that I would be fine in a taxi. Then he came outside (at 2.30am) to wait with me in the cold for the taxi to arrive! He's so sweet. He is still with his girlfriend and he's really unhappy. I can sort of understand his point of view for staying with her, he's been with her for a long time and I know how hard it is to break up with someone, you don't know what life will be like without them. But now I know what life is like not being in a shitty relationship, I wish I could tell him to wake up to himself and that he will be okay on his own! But it's something he has to figure out on his own.

I heard from him tonight, he said he felt really bad about having to duck out and leave me at his place with strangers! I said they were nice strangers, and don't feel bad. He said the "strangers" told him that they think I am 100x better than his girlfriend and he needs to get rid of her and pursue me!!! Nice to know they think highly enough of me after one night!!

He's just so easy to be around and easy to talk to. He said to me when I left to hop in the taxi "Any guy would be lucky to have you". R is adorable, I think the world of him.

I have a date tomorrow night with a new guy (N), wonder how that will go...?

Jun 5, 2007 at 15:10 o\clock

Changes...

by: princess_pia

So I've been doing some thinking.  I'm really pissed off at Z because I haven't heard from him in nearly 4 weeks.  He apologised in his last email if there were any "false pretences", ummm okay.  He was the one that was sending ME websites about long distance relationships, not the other way around.  I hate how he's acting all innocent when he was the one hinting at something more, not me.  Then he said "our lives are actually quite different", to me that's hugely condescending!  You may as well say “I think I’m better than you”, because that excuse was total bullshit.  Not that any of it matters, he’s not interested and that’s fine and the best thing because I know a long distance thing wouldn’t work – my problem is on weekends I get so bored and wish I had someone to hang out with.  My issue is him acting like I must have imagined what we both knew he was coming for in the first place.  It hurts because I thought if anything, we were friends but I guess I was wrong.

Last weekend was great, I went out with my sister and a workmate I’d never been out with before.  We had a great night playing pool, drinking, dancing and I pashed some hot guy!  He told me I was a great kisser, nice to know!  It’s times like that night that I’m glad to be single, I can do what I want, be who I want without having to consider anyone else.  Despite having a few drinks and heading home about 2am because I felt sick (dancing around with a tummy full of drinks probably did it!), I woke up Saturday morning feeling great. 

I’m kind of annoyed with a good friend of mine, I asked her if she wanted to catch up for tea a couple of weeks ago, she said she couldn’t because she was a bit poor that week so that’s fine.  I assumed she would get back to me when she could afford to go out.  So I’ve heard nothing about catching up.  She emailed me Monday and asked what I got up to for the weekend.  I told her I went out with my workmate on the Friday night, kissed a cute guy then did nothing until Sunday night when I caught up with B, played some pool, watched a video at his place then totally lost track of time until 1am (on a work night!  But I didn’t care) when I went home.  Then I asked at the end of the email “So when are we catching up!?” and she wrote back “Don’t know when we’ll catch up, you sound like a pretty busy gal!” which seemed kind of harsh.  I’m single, not busy at all.  I do nothing all week and usually do nothing on weekends and I’m so bored that I can’t wait till Monday so I can go to work and have something to do!  I’m always available if she wants to do something but she never suggests anything.  I just feel like it’s me always asking her to do something and I’m kind of tired of it. 

And today, I felt happier than I’ve felt in a long time, despite the kind of mid life crisis I’m having at the moment.  Last weekend was totally out of character for me in more ways than one and I realize I’m not the same person I used to be.  Last weekend made me feel young again, the way I should feel.  Things are on the way up.