Bitchin...
Mood: Cranky
It’s now 12 weeks post breakup. The ex is driving me insane. He called about 3 weeks ago crying and asking if I would change my mind. Hell no! I only answered the phone because I didn’t think he would carry on with that sort of crap. Funny, but the entire conversation with him crying I felt so emotionally detached. Those emotions he felt that night were how I felt for 5 years. I have no sympathy. Why should I? I made the right decision, and that was that my life does not involve him any more.
So mainly the last few weeks I have been trying to ignore his calls and messages. I’m just not in the mood. New Years Day I was away (he was aware I was going away). Between the hours of 1am and 7.30pm that night, he called me ten times. TEN TIMES!!!! At call number 5 I answered (because he had also called my home phone looking for me there knowing that I wasn’t there!) and he was slurring so much I could hardly understand him, or what he was talking about. He asked me to call him back and I told him I no. He got cranky, yelled at me and hung up! Then proceeded to call me repeatedly!! I got so angry and fed up that I turned my phone off! He left about 4 messages on my voicemail, none of which I could understand. The next week when he called, I answered and he commented that I wasn’t very talkative. I said “I’m really angry actually, you called me 10 times in one day”. His response? “Well you should have spoken to me”. I told him quite plainly I don’t HAVE TO do anything and that we are finished, I don’t have to answer to him anymore or take his calls if I don’t want to and that I won’t change my mind about “us”. He told me “You always said that if we ever broke up you would still talk to me. You’re a liar” I said “Well YOU lied to ME, you didn’t keep up your end of the bargain so why should I?” He said “What did I lie about?”. OH MY GOODNESS!!!! I have trouble even believing the nerve of him sometimes!!!!
Oh well. He can pretend he’s the innocent one. I don’t care anymore. I know the whole story and if he’s so screwed up in the head that he thinks this is my fault then fine. He’s even tried the emotional blackmail, while I was at the New Guy (S's) place, he sent me a picture message of us together, asking how I can throw away our love! Luckily I have the his call and message alerts on silent so I didn’t even know until I left S’s place and looked at my phone! What I thought was “love” is nothing to me now.
I met someone from one of the singles sites who I will refer to as “S”. We have gone out a few times and I like him. “Dating” is so new to me, I don’t know the rules at all. Being a girl, I have it in my mind that the guy has to make the first move…he asked me out 3 times, then I asked him out. Now I’m thinking it’s his move again? I really don’t know – I don’t want to be pushing for something if only I want it. I think I’ll wait and see what happens. He’s really nice, very attractive and easy to be around. The latter is important I think. I like that we have a lot to talk about, there’s no awkward silences. But after 4 dates he hasn’t kissed me!! I was discussing this with my sister who thinks maybe he is shy, or doesn’t think I’m up for it and she thinks I should do it before we just end up as friends and nothing more! One of my workmates thinks that maybe, like me he has been hurt too and is a bit guarded. Or maybe, I fear, he isn’t interested!! I hope there is something more, but right now I’ll just wait and see, will probably have to hear from him first for anything more to happen! Fingers crossed…
Today has been a terrible day…work was a nightmare – we are one staff member down and for some reason, management decided we would be better off not replacing that staff member while she is away. This has been fine most days but not today. We were so far behind the 8 ball it wasn’t funny. I was stressed to the max and had very little patience! This woman called up to make an appointment for her mother, I said
“Has she been here before?”
“No”
“What’s her surname?”
“The same as mine”“And what’s that?” (seriously, if you call up and DON’T even say who’s calling, how in the hell would I bloody know!)She told me and then I asked for a home postal address.
She said “It’s the same as mine” GRRRRR!!!!!
I said through gritted teeth “I don’t have those details on hand so can you please tell me the address”.Turns out it’s one of the patients who’s in regularly, but I was really cranky! I don’t know her damn address off the top of my head anyway, and it’s a lot less hassle for her to tell me it than it is to look it up!!
And then one of the patients didn’t show up for their appointment (which was confirmed yesterday) and when I called them to find out where they were, they were driving around town to fill in time because they thought the appointment was an hour later! What a damn waste of my time calling them the DAY BEFORE to confirm the time THEY had BOOKED for! Seriously! I am normally pretty easy going and try not to sweat the small stuff like that, but I was really annoyed about it! I think I just have a bit of a short fuse today. I was about ready to have a dummy spit followed by a walk out! What are they going to do – I finish up next week which is good in a way but at the same time I’m a bit shitty about it – they weren’t going to turf me out, they were going to “look after me” until I start my new job (who knows when that will be, March? April? Maybe even later) but they decided (or maybe I should say, The Almighty Buck decided) that because the other woman is coming back from leave, they can’t afford me also so they are TURFING ME OUT! The office manager asked if it was okay if I finish towards the end of January and I guess it has to be ok! What choice do I have!
Then at lunch time I went for a walk to the shop, there is an elderly lady and her husband that live a couple of doors up from work, they’re really lovely and love a chat. Anyway, today the lady was outside sweeping when I walked past so I stopped to talk. She told me her son is in hospital in an induced coma because he’s got some sort of blood infection – they aren’t sure if he will lose his arm, he may even die. Then she burst into tears right in front of me! I gave her a hug, there was nothing I could say. I hope he pulls through. Because I was in such a fragile state I cried too! I hate to see people upset, especially good, kind-hearted people like that.
I’m just feeling flat today, it’s been an off day. I’m sure I’ll be better tomorrow.
