Heartbreak, annoyance, and flying high!
Heartbreak
It’s taken me a long time to feel ok to write about what’s been happening lately. Two weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. It was really tough, and the last couple of weeks haven’t been easy for me. It was never the “perfect” relationship, I made all the effort ALL the time for our relationship, it was very one sided.
A couple of weeks ago, he was meant to come over so I sat and waited. And waited. And waited…Finally I called him and instead of coming over he had decided to go out drinking with his workmates. He drinks EVERY DAY and I thought one day off the booze wasn’t too much to ask. The bit I was most angry about was that he didn’t bother to call me and let me know he wasn’t coming over. I was sitting at home like a fool waiting for him to show up. He couldn’t understand why I was so angry. He was meant to call me when he got home but didn’t (I called him).
All the next day I didn’t hear from him, which made me even angrier.
Finally it was the weekend and he was angry at me for me being angry at him because he STILL couldn’t understand what the big deal was. I was still so angry about it and got no apologies that I decided I wasn’t going to see him that night. So what does he do? Goes out, which apparently he doesn’t like doing. Again this night he was meant to call me but didn’t, so I called him and he answered and I heard the loud music and knew he was out, then he hung up on me and switched his phone off!
The next day, he just had no interest in talking to me at all. Wouldn’t reply to any messages, wouldn’t call. I got so mad I went to his place, he wasn’t there but his dad was and he could see I was upset so he asked me in for a chat. His dad told me I deserve better and that his son just doesn’t treat me right. With regard to the night he was meant to come over, he went home first and had a drink, his dad said “Aren’t you meant to be going to Pia’s tonight?” and he said “No, it’s right. I don’t have to anymore”.
Years ago, my now ex-boyfriend had a drug problem which he had assured me was over, he doesn’t do that anymore, I BELIEVED him. I even said to him “If you can look me in the eyes and lie to me about that, you have a serious problem”. I said to his dad “Is he still involved with drugs?” and he said “Do you want the truth?”. At that my stomach dropped. It turns out he doesn’t do the drugs “as much”, but he still does it. Someone he assured me wasn’t involved with drugs is his supplier! I felt physically sick. Heartbroken that someone I thought I knew so well is actually a stranger. Heartbroken that someone I loved SO MUCH could lie to me for 5 years.
So I called him up and finished it. I know doing it over the phone is pretty gutless, but I couldn’t handle seeing him (not that he had an obvious interest in even seeing me anyway), being faced with him would have made me weaker and it would have been so easy to just decide to stay.
It doesn’t make sense but I miss him all the time. I know he doesn’t feel the same way because it took him over a week to get in touch, and that was via a text message asking if I want my stuff back. That hurt. He’s sent me a few messages since then saying he’s upset it all, but how sincere is a text message? Not sincere at all. If he truly cared about me at all he would have been on my doorstep two weeks ago. I’m sure he loved me in his own way. And I loved him, more than anything but I’m not willing to sit there and watch him ruin his life with drugs and alcohol, and take me down with him. I deserve more than that.
I wish him the best. I hope he gets his life together for his own sake. I don’t have any feelings of hate towards him, but I’m so hurt that he did this to me. He hid it so well, he was so sneaky with it that I never even suspected anything.
I guess it goes to prove that if you’re with someone who does things you don’t like, chances are they probably aren’t going to change. It’s not worth the pain or energy of hanging around to watch them let you down time and time again.
At least I know now what I won’t ever put up with in the future with any guy. If they stuff me around, lie to me, hurt my feelings and won’t make any effort for me, that’s it. I won’t be a doormat for anyone ever again.
Annoyance
I have a male friend (I used to have a huge crush on him years ago) whose wife just left him. I don’t hear from him for years then all of a sudden he’s calling me up to talk. A bad weather friend. You only hear from them when things are bad. The wife moved out – I can’t really blame her because my friend is trying to control her. He doesn’t like her doing anything without him, he’s always calling to check up on her, doesn’t like her going out. He’s basically pushed her away so she moved out. I get the feeling he’s lost his temper with her and maybe hit her. BUT she promises she is coming home, she keeps saying it will be in a week, then the week comes around and she decides not to go home. Then he’s devastated because she hasn’t come home. Now he keeps calling me up, referring to me as “good looking” and asking what I’m doing. I always have an excuse ready. I don’t want to go and see him. I don’t want him to come over. I have enough of my own stuff going on without having to deal with his as well. I know the marriage isn’t going to last. Good on his wife for getting out of there. I couldn’t stand it if I had someone telling me what to do, when I can go out and nagging me incessantly when I do go out. He needs to realize his wife is a free thinking person, not his property. He called my phone before but I let it go to voicemail. He once again called me “good looking” and asked me to call him back. I CAN’T BE BOTHERED WITH THIS!!!! Years ago, before he got married but when he was living with his now wife, he wanted me to go over and see him when she wasn’t home, because, he told me, he thinks of me a lot. I was so angry. I am not that kind of girl. What a disgraceful way to behave when you are involved with someone else. I am on dangerous ground right now. I think because right now he’s having a crap time, he thinks has another girl to help him through it. Sorry but that ain’t gonna be me. Don’t want to get involved. I have a broken heart but I am not that naïve or vulnerable enough to be in that position.
Anyway, enough on that for now and onto my exciting weekend.
Flying high!
I flew a plane yesterday! I went on my first flying lesson and it was so exciting! I’ve never done anything so exciting in my whole life! I would highly recommend it to anyone. It was a very spontaneous thing, not something I had been thinking of doing for ages or anything, I think that’s what made it so exhilarating. I can’t believe I did it! It was such a great release for me, I’ve been so stressed out lately that it was great to get out and do something completely new that I had to put all my concentration into. I got out of the plane shaking with excitement at what I had just done. I’ve been on a high all weekend. And you know what, I deserve to be happy!
