I feel like I don’t know which direction my life is going to take.
I’m so confused at the moment.
I feel like he doesn’t hear me when I cry out that I need him.
I need him now more than ever.
I feel like he doesn’t know just how bad things really are.
Or maybe he just doesn’t care.
Not even if it means the end of us.
If there was a way you could see into the future and see what the rest of your life holds, would you want to know?
I wouldn’t.
Do you think life is a pre-determined plan mapped out for you before you’re born? By God or whomever you believe in?
Sometimes I do, but then today I was reading a book about some of the most horrific murders, and the way the families of the murdered fought for justice and bought about changes to law.
The first story I read was utterly devastating (as I’m sure the ones to follow will be as well). It was about a young old girl who was assaulted, then had her hands and feet bound and she was thrown into a dam to drown. It was heartbreaking. And it got me wondering, if our lives are already predetermined, why on earth would anyone map out such a horrific and unthinkable end to a beautiful little girl’s life?
Sometimes I can’t believe the horrors that go on in this world. What possesses someone to commit these terrible, terrible crimes?
What gives someone the right to think they can end an innocent person’s life in such a violent manner?
I hope there is a hell, so that all these cold blooded murderers can rot down there for all eternity. They certainly aren’t getting the punishment they deserve on this earth.
I’m jealous of my boyfriend because he has the ability to make friends anywhere. He’s the life of the party. Always has been.
I’m this uptight, insecure and responsible person who never does anything without first considering the consequences.
Years ago when I had just turned 18, me and a friend would go out clubbing on weekends and spend an awful lot of money on heaps of different shots, I would never even give a second thought to how I would feel the next day. Now when I go out, I very occasionally have a drink, even then I only have one or two drinks because all I can think of is how I’ll feel the next day. I can’t let loose and not think ahead. I don’t even like to go out anymore because that kind of scene bores me and usually my friend wants to stay out late and the truth is, I love my sleep. Usually I designate myself the driver so I don’t feel pressured to have a drink, and I can come home whenever I want.
I have a big bottle of Midori which occasionally I feel like having a drink of, but I don’t. I always think there might be some emergency somewhere that desperately needs my presence, but I’ll be unable to help because I won’t drive after even one drink. I feel like I need to be prepared for the unexpected.
One of my friends once wanted to split an ecstasy tablet with me, but I told her no. All I could think of was how horrible it would be for my parents to have to identify my body in a morgue after being told their very anti-drugs daughter had, stupidly and for reasons unknown forever, taken a tablet one fateful night. I don’t regret that, given the situation again I would still say no. I’ve never done any drugs.
I can’t even go on rides at the show without carefully considering the odds that the ride will collapse and I’ll be flung to my death.
If I have to drive to somewhere into town, I have to carefully map out in my head which streets I will take, more often than not, the quietest ones I can find because a lot of the time I don’t have the patience to sit in traffic.
If something’s bothering me, I go through it over and over in my mind. Some nights I can’t sleep because something frivolous (like an impending phonebill) is bothering me. It sends my heart into unpleasant palpitations making it very difficult to relax.
I’m intelligent, but sometimes I like to play dumb, especially around my family. I’m the butt of many jokes. I like to play practical jokes and I like to make people laugh. Despite that, I find myself feeling awkward around new people and find it hard to be completely myself around everyone. I guess sometimes you have to compromise your character so as not to offend certain people.
I think too much. Sometimes I wish my brain would just rest, so I could rest too.
Ever cried so much you don’t think you’ll recover?
I once dated a guy for 3 months, I adored him. We had so much fun together. But I was blind to his obvious inability to ever tell the truth. SO blind.
Sometimes I think you tend to give someone too much of the benefit of the doubt because you’re so enamored by them.
We had a great 3 months together, then he tells me he’s going on holiday soon, but he’ll be back after a couple of weeks. His parents were moving to this destination. So off they go, leaving him to stay with family friends until it’s his time to go on “holiday” and join his parents.
The you-know-what hit the fan one night, when the family friend actually told me this guy was due to catch a bus to move away THE NEXT DAY. Ouch.
I cried a river.
The next day, I went to see him off at the bus depot. Despite his repeated promises of “I’m coming back”, when he hopped on that bus, I knew I’d never see him again. And I was calm.
There’s the crying because you’re hurt, then the crying because you’ve hurt someone.
I dated another guy for about a month. Sweet guy. I knew without him ever saying anything that he cared a lot for me in such a short time. It was in a look he gave me. I still remember it now, such a powerful look that I didn’t even need to hear what was in his heart; I could see it.
But I didn’t feel the same way for him and that wasn’t fair.
I cried for him, especially when a couple of months after we broke up, I received a message from him along the lines of “I don’t think you realize how much I want you, I’d do anything to get you back, I can’t get over you”. Wow, and this was after only having been together for a month.
I cried a lot after my Grandfather died. I sank into a really deep depression after he passed away. I cried a river when a relative committed suicide. The worst thing about it was the lack of support – a friend of mine didn’t even call when she heard what had happened. When I spoke to her I mentioned about it and she said she already knew. Not “are you ok” or “is there anything I can do” or “I’m here for you”.
I was so depressed, both of the deaths were within months of each other and I hit absolute rock bottom. So depressed I couldn’t see a way out. Thinking back now it’s hard to imagine, but not so long ago I came across an old diary of those dark times and I can’t believe how truly close to the edge I was. It’s astounding that I lived through it. My parents took me to a psychologist who couldn’t help me. I think what I really wanted was someone to turn back time, change the past, make everything right again.
The deep depression was something I eventually had to pull myself out of.
No one could help me but myself.
Sometimes I cry because I don’t know what the future holds. And I don’t like to think about death.
My parents always say that there would be nothing worse in this world than burying a child.
It sounds stupid, but I never, ever realized just what they meant until I went to the funeral of a 21 year old guy who had died in a tragic accident. He was a childhood friend of my boyfriend’s and I had never met him, but my boyfriend asked me to be there for him.
It was devastating.
I cried for his parents who were absolutely heartbroken at having to bury their youngest son long before his time should have been up.
Then I cry when I read stories of people who are dying. I just wonder how they cope, being told their time is coming to an end when they’re not ready to go. Life seems so unfair at times. I wish we could all live forever so that you would never have to go through the pain of losing anyone.
One thing I really can’t stand is a liar.
My friend has been lying to me for at least a couple of years.
It’s the usual old story of “boss runs off with secretary”…but according to her they’re “just friends”.
Riiiight.
If my boss were to be around at my house every single night, we were going on outings like shopping and movies and dinners…would that look suspicious?
I’ve seriously had more than enough of all the lies.
Shouldn’t friends be able to be honest with each other?
I hate being played for a fool. Everyone can see what’s going on. Why lie about it?
But how to approach the question for the millionth time?
I’m really starting to think that if she can’t be honest with her best friend, then she can’t consider me much of a friend at all.
Do you ever think about any of yours?
Do you have any regrets?
I don’t think I do. I’ve had my heart badly beaten by quite a few, but I don’t think I’d be the person I am today without these past experiences. Regrets are futile.
I think it’s better to regret something you did, than something you didn’t do.
Do you agree?
