Oak Grove

Well, I'm disappointed I still haven't received anything further but that doesn't stop me finding inspiration in the environment, books, etc.  I am reading about 4 books at the moment, two of which I delved into last night.  One, entitled Earth Dance Drum, talked about fate, free will and purpose and had this to say:

"Fate is the expression of the Spirit World's intent, desire and directional input.  Think of the coincidences that have taken place during your life.  Think of the opportunities that have been offered to you.  Think of how one person has made a difference in your life.  This is fate.

Free will includes choices and decisions.  Life is a series of choices.  We are constantly making choices and must live with their consequences.  We design our own life each day with our decisions.  Do today what you are able, for the most unfortunate and consequential decision/choice we can make is inactivity/indecision.

Purpose is the big idea meant for your life.  A life of purpose makes you strong and alive.  Purpose is life's yellow highlighter, emphasizing fate and directing your free will."

The book calls a balance of the three Bimadisiwin - believing, practising and becoming:

"Believe in the vision of you.

Practice this vision

Become your vision."

The other book, also drum-related but in a completely different way, is Drumming at the Edge of Magic by Mickey Hart.  He was describing his martial art training which was an intense 18 months.  Then:

"It was as if a spell had been broken, as if I had spent eighteen months in a dream that was not entirely a dream because when I awoke I discovered I had a completely different body and a transformed mental attitude.  I had the eye of the tiger, and for that I am eternally grateful to Pogo.  For me, the process involves consciously attempting to master your energy flows - the body flow, the mind flow, and the higher flow, the spirit side.  Its idea - seldom realized - is to achieve a kind of perfect balance that allows you to place your attention and energy exactly where you want it.

So both books in their own way spoke of the balance of three approaches.  It's like everything you read guides you and you can apply these words of wisdom in everyday life in small ways.  Today for example, I attended a demonstration of a computer software program I've needed and never got around to purchasing but had intended to for the last three years.  I went out and purchased it immediately afterwards and felt a small wave of satisfying elation.  I have to start small.

Listening to: Tool

I've become more interested in wanting to drum lately.  I've always liked drums and drums are a great way to reach an alternative state. 

Well anyway, I obtained a cheap hand drum late last year and didn't do anything with it, thinking that I'm hopeless on any musical instrument and remembering the random noise I got when I tried playing my brother's drumset years ago.  But an opportunity came up last month to go to a drumming circle, with a drumming workshop beforehand, so I went along carrying my cheap drum (and saw several others with the same drum, hehe).  I was disappointed in the person taking the session.  He wasn't helpful at all and instead kept repeating that it's like learning to walk - you just do it.  Thanks.  Eventually he touched on different beats, but really he was no good.  Later that evening at the drum circle I just tried to pick up on the beats of others around me and really enjoyed it.

I've had about 4 books out of the library about hand drums or drumming circles.  One of the books is more for facilitators of circles but it has a CD which is good to drum along to.  I'm also reading about the history of drumming and how it relates to spirituality so all very useful.  I would like to find some sort of video which spells out the beats and how to do it though.  I'm pretty quick on picking it up and have a good sense of timing, but feel inadequate when others add all those little extras.  Naturally one has to start somewhere.  Ideally I would like to learn to play the bodhran, but this may have to wait until I see one for sale or find a teacher.

I've yet to receive more druid material but this is not a problem.  I'm also waiting for blogigo to finish whatever they're doing so I can create a new weblog and delete this account.

By chance I found out today that a former acquaintance of mine belongs to a group of druids in a nearby city.  It is interesting to find out that people you knew are pagans as well.  We  tend to keep to ourselves and not advertise the fact.

Back later.  Busy weekend ahead.

I feel a little tired, even drained.

Before heading to the druid ceremony I sat and reflected at a local park where my parents took us as kids.  It's changed since then.  They've opened it up, taking down trees, blocking off car access to some parts, and opening a cafe.  I remembered when there were no plastic playground parts - just a couple of see-saws and swings and one large slide.  I loved them all.  I remembered my mother on the other end of the see-saw and either both my brother and I on the other end or just me and she would jump up so I could go down.  I remembered taking the dogs for a walk through the trees (now dogs are not permitted in certain areas) and coming back to the car for a coffee from a thermos flask and dunking gingernut biscuits in the coffee, watched by the dogs.

Both parents are deceased now so happy and sad memories. 

I was the first to arrive at the house of one of the druids.  They were making faces in pumpkins.  There was a good turnout but we had to wait for guests who were late.  My whole outlook on the ceremony changed when they arrived.  It was strange.  They were a couple I'd known as a child.  The man had been a friend of my father's.  I hoped they wouldn't recognise me.  As a child I took an irrational dislike to the man.  Unfortunately, after the ceremony they came over to talk to me.  They had recognised me even though I hadn't seen them since I was a child.  I chatted to them amiably enough but their presence had marred my involvement in the ceremony.  Instead of focussing on what was happening I was distracted with thoughts of them standing directly opposite me in the circle.  I still don't know why I'm uncomfortable around them or why I disliked him in particular so strongly.  It seemed unfair that both of them were still alive, still together, and seemingly happy when both my parents were dead.  It was a feeling I couldn't shrug off - so strong are childhood experiences.

I am supposed to attend a club AGM today, but I am not feeling co-operative.  I have important things to do at home and I must also take a friend to the airport in the afternoon.  A fog is on my mind and I have to lift it somehow.

I received the introductory material last week - a reflection of the history and meaning of 'druidry' for lack of a better term.  I will keep a journal in a notebook as well, making note of the exercises they recommend, eg meditating in your private grove - something I've done before.  I once meditated at the foot of a gum tree and learned so much from it.  Many people will think I'm a tree-hugging nutter.  I don't dispute that for a minute.  I don't actually go around hugging trees.  I touch them, yes.  I admire them, feel them, learn from them.  As for being a nutter.  Sure, why not.  It's a label. 

Anyway I digress.

As I live in the southern hemisphere, today we're celebrating Samhuinn.  I have, in a way, been preparing for it.  I had a rather humiliating experience yesterday and felt a little lost and dependent.  I watched a movie last night which was about feeling lost and alienated.  Last night I had tears of loss and loneliness.  This morning I read from a book about Native American spirituality - a spirituality that I've always felt I could identify with - they were in tune with mother earth.  The book helped.  This evening at the ceremony I must let go of negativity and loneliness, and hope I don't shed tears.  I seem to be in an emotional phase.

Now to do mundane tasks and prepare food, etc.