11-8-05 about 1 am
Mood: lonely, sad, tired, a thousand thoughts in my head
Listening to: some bob marley, he always cheers me up
so i'm tired but not tired for bed. i dunno i probably am. so i'm very worried about my cousin steve going to the sand box next month, he's in the army and is being deployed to iraq. steve is the kind of person you want as a friend. he's awesome. being in the military hasn't changed him, but i'm worried that going into a war zone and seeing certain things will change him. he's no innocent little angel but he doesn't look at the world through jaded eyes like i do. i also worry about his safety but he's one sharp mother fucker and i'm sure he'll be fine but i am worried about psychological changes that may take place. we are very close as you can tell. i love the guy like a brother. i'm also worried about my buddy beck who's going into the air force, i'm worried it will change his free spirit. i dunno i worry about everyone i know and love, i guess that's why i get hurt pretty fuckin bad sometimes. on a lighter note i've been talking with a tattoo artist in baltimore about an apprenticeship and everything looks good to go, i'm very excited about it indeed. i also purchased a death metal pedal for my bass which makes it sound nasty so i'm happy with that. but that's about as far as the happiness goes. my love life is shot to hell, i fall in love too fast and end up lossing another part of my soul trying for a heart which i can't have. why is it that love is so complex? it should be simple. well there it is, you guys havn't had a dose of that for a while so drink up my bleeding heart. i'm outta here. have a good one.
later
