12-24-05 about 10pm
Mood: i don't know, i feel like hell
Listening to: elton john ~ rocket man
i want to move to an island in the south pacific where i won't be located, ever. i had dinner with heather tonight, she's great company and it was wonderful seeing her again. however after discussing a certain topic i feel like shit and i simply would like to move far away, drop off all radar screens and live in a hut on an island in the south pacific. catching fish and harvesting sea grasses to eat. in short i'm sick of life and seeing heather made me realize what a terrible excuse for a human being i am. oh well i guess, can't all be winners i suppose. so i'm going to get on brian's case about moving very soon. i'm tired of living here and i want to move. i seriously don't see myself living to an old age. i hate thinking about my future, it's probably just filled with more depressing times, failed relationships and lose. what a crock of shit life is. i'm done. merry christmas, and happy holidays.
later later
"son can you play me a memory? i'm not really sure how it goes, but it's sad and it's sweet and i knew it complete, when i wore a younger man's cloths"
