12-23-05 about 4:30am
sometimes i wish i could go back and make things right. in my life, in past relationships that i let slip away. maybe for a day go back and tell myself what not to do and what course of action i should take. tell myself to say i love you more and show it more. i know the ink on my stomach says "regret nothing" but sometimes i contridict that while thinking back and there are things i would have done differently, people i would have treated differently. it's a terrible thing not being able to tell someone you love them anymore. it's a harsh thing to live with and tell yourself that that's how the dice landed. sorry to bring anyone down, anyone else ever have the thought that a quick exit to this terrible earth is only a trigger's pull away? i hate thinking like that and i really wish i could never have such a thought again, but the empty soul that lost loves have given me and the drudgery that the world brings down upon me is hefty. it's all alot of bullshit and i'm growing so so tired of it.
