The Daily Bullsitter

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THE DAILY CODSWALLOP

Wednesday September 14th 2005

JEBBY  IS OH SO ANGRY WITH BROTHER GEORGE

"Now I'll never be president",  that was the stunning claim of the President's politician brother Jeb last night.  High-flying Jeb may be the brightest of the Bush siblings and he may have carved out his own political career as Governer of a southern state but it was his older brother, George that made it to the Whitehouse first.

From an early age, Jeb was seen by family members as his father's natural successer.  Ambitous mum, Barbara Bush, was determined to groom Jeb for high office, even earning the affectionate  nickname JK (after JFK's father, Joseph Kennedy) . Her other two sons, George and Neil, were considered too reckless and feckless to amount to anything and were largely ignored. 

  Crestfallen

Jeb felt crestfallen when, at the age of 40,  Fickle George suddenly developed an interest in political office.  On the eve of the 2000 General Election, Jeb told aides that he felt cheated out of his place in history by his elder brother and he expressed fears that his brother's presidency would be "the worst in history", adding " every Bush including me, will be unelectable for a generation"

Fat Bastard

For his part, George Walker Bush told friends privately that Jeb was the more intelligent of the two but he was also a bit of a fat bastard and not very good looking.  "He's wasting his time" the President later said, "there's never been a fat president Jeb won't be the first".

Since then, sibling rivalry has been the order of the day and there are rumours that the "Pretzel Incident" during the President's first term was actually the result of a brotherly brawl, as tensions between the two coninuted to mount.  Both the President and his brother have officially denied that any such event took place.

By Noragchick

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE DAILY CODSWALLOP

 Tuesday 13th September 2005

 

Bush Eyes Nuclear Option

Stop or be nuked, that was the US Presidents' stark warning to Iran yesterday. President Bush has asked military experts for a feasibility report on Whitehouse plans to nuke Iran.  The two-term President is believed to be a great admirer of nuclear weapons and has been itching to drop a couple ever since he first shot to power in November 2001 after he lost by 500,000 votes.

High praise for Truman

 A resolute and determined president said this last night - "My greatest hero of all time is Harry Truman because he dropped an atom bomb or two ... and that killed some Japanese and deterred the Ruskies. President Truman hung tough back then and showed 'em who was boss,   I intend to hang tough now". That's how to honour Mr Truman's legacy".Thats how to keep America great.

Iran is first target

Behind the scenes at the Whitehouse this week, aides and colleagues have been talking up the idea of using tactical nukes on rogue states such as Iran if they do not fall into line. Family man Bush has vowed that evil-doers will not get their way , or at least not on his watch, and the plucky president believes nuking Iran is a more viable option than fighting a war with conventional weapons. Said the Prez, "Iran needs a good slapping to bring it to its senses" and I'll be damned if I'm gonna' be a chickenhawk about that like Jimmy Carter was. Bring it on!!!!".

Latest U.S. ultimatum

The Whitehouse has dispatched a brief communique to Iran's brand new President .  It simply reads:-

"We would love to nuke you off the face of the planet so go ahead with your nuclear plans, make our day!  You are shitheads!" 

Whitehouse staffers deny that the President swore in writing to his fellow statesman. The Whitehouse now await Iran's reply.