Me.

Mood: here and there
Listening to: avril lavigne old album

Ever feel like you're losing your friends?

I'm so confused.

This blog is all I seem to do with my life!

But anyway, I have two best friends.  One is a boy and one is a girl.  The boy and me get on so well, like stupidly well.  But recently, the girl I feel like I hardly know anymore.  I've known her for about 4 years properly, and we've been through so much together.  It's really hard to explain, but we were so close.  Anyway, I just feel like I'm losing her to everyone else.  Like I've bored her so much with my life that she just wants to get away from me.  I don't know.  I really doubt she feels like that really, it's just my stupid paranoid mind going crazy again.  I know she loves me really.  It's just...I miss her.  A lot.

 

I had my driving lesson before.  That was fun.  My driving instructor said I would have passed if that was my real test.  So that's pretty cool, cos I was sure I'd completely fooked it up.  I'd like to pass...someday.  I just get so dam nervous!  And then the whole panic mode me kicks in, and I just lose it!

 

Random Thought- Don't you think music's wierd?  I mean, like you can listen to a song, and it completely shows how you feel at the time.  Or you can listen to a song that you haven't heard for ages, and it takes you back to where you were the last time you heard it.  I don't know why I thought about that now.  But I'm listening to Avril Lavigne's "Thing's I'll Never Say" off her first album, because I've got Windows Media Player on random.  That song brings so many memories back to me.  So many memories I miss.  I guess as you can probably tell already, I'm a very emotional person!  But that song reminds me off when I had 5 best friends a couple of years ago- A (the girl who is still my best friend now), B, L, S and V.  We would literally have DIED for each other, we were that close.  Anyway, we had so much fun when we were together.  That songs reminds me of all of us sitting in V's room, listening to Avril's album, because we were obsessed with her!  And then afterwards, me and B hopped and skipped down V's road, singin "hop dee da dah" (the first bit of "Thing's I'll Never Say" song if you haven't heard it!).  But then yeah, shit happened, everything screwed up, and are fabulous five group pretty much fell apart.  B and V ended up hating each other, and the rest of us were stuck in the middle of it all.  So we kind of drifted apart from there.  I so wish we could go back to that.  Back to being the 5 best friends who would have done anything for each other.  Even if it was just for a day.  ONE FUCKING DAY! 

But I guess that's never gonna happen.  I can dream though!

 

Why can I not stop writing?!  My fingers are just taking over, I've got no idea what's coming out.  This blog's helped me so much.  Helped me get all the shit out of my head.  Helped me write things out in a logical way and actually think about what the hell is going on.  That might not make sense to you, but for me it's a definite improvement!

Maybe I should stop for a while.  I'll wear my blog out, and get shouted at for taking this blog way too seriously!  Nah, if they did that I'd kick their ass!  This blog is my lifeline at the moment.  The only things that makes my life seem normal, because I can sort things out in a good way.  So yay, go me for actually doing something normal for a change!

Night blog x