Me.

Mood: average
Listening to: special d

Well it's been a while.

Two weeks or so.

And in this two weeks I've finally come to my senses, and realised Si was treating me like shit.  I want nothing to do with him.

But two days ago (Christmas Day) I got back with Paul.  The person I've wanted to be with all along but I thought Id fucked it up.  Well, it appears I haven't and we're now going to give it another go. 

I've still got all these fears though.  What if I cheat?  What if I can't cope?  What if I get angry about him being at Uni?  What if it isn't meant to be?

I think way too negatively, and I always prepare myself for the worst situations.  I have a huge problem with that, and I wish I could sort it.  Even little things I do it over.  Like, when I've planned to go to the cinema, I'll prepare myself that they won't have any tickets left, so I won't be unhappy if I can't see the film.  Obviously this very rarely happens, but still, I can't get that way of thinking out of my head.

I hate it.

 

I got test results back aswell.  I'm not anaemic, and I haven't got an under-/over-active thyroid, so I guess that' something.  But they're still not sure about diabetes.

 

I'm also worried about Rob.  He was, well, to put in simply, slightly crazy about me.  I like him as a friend, and he is a little bit fit, but I've been there and it just didn't work.  But I don't think he understood and wanted more.  Now I'm back with Paul I don't know how he'll react, because he's pretty unstable himself.  I just don't want to hurt him :( and tomorrow, I've got to work with him and Paul, which is gonna be fun.  I just don't want to upset him, cos he's a good lad.

But yeah, that's me done for now, I might speak later.

Oh, and Merry Christmas.  Hope Santa brought you what you wanted :)