Me.

Mood: trusting noone
Listening to: the killers

Why do I feel all depressed?

All my head does is mess up.  I don't speak enough about how I'm feelin inside, so my mind trails off and thinks too much about my life.  I cover up how shit I feel with a smile and a joke.  I just wish I had the confidence, and the trust in people to tell them how I really feel.

I was lying in bed last night, just thinking, as you do.  And a question popped into my head.  Who do I really trust?  I have a HUGE problem with trusting people, that never quite makes sense.  It's something to do with being let down and betrayed by a lot of people in the past (mainly an old friend "V" who was like my sister, my dad, and two ex-boyfriends) and the fact that I don't trust myself.  Or maybe I just don't think anyone is really worthy of my trust.  I mean, why should you trust people?  If you trust people, you're giving them everything, believing everything they say.  And you're giving them one huge chance to hurt you.  To betray you.  To knock you down and mess you up.

I hate the word trust.  It should be destroyed!  Cut the word into lots of little pieces and then throw them away please someone.

But yeah, the answer to my question is I guess that deep down I trust absolutely NOONE.  Noone at all.  Not even Paul, and he'd hate to know that.  Actually, I do kind of trust him, but only to a certain extent.  I have a "trust circle" around me, and I'll only let people in to a certain extent.  There's a line that noone can ever cross.

Because I get hurt too easily.

Damn me!

I wish I could sort my life out.