Tired, depressed but here, what more do you want
Mood: So tired, slightly depressed, really don't want to be here
Listening to: Co-worker talking on the phone to her husband about car problems and her upcoming vacation ( I am so jealous)
So here I am at work, and oh how I wish I weren't. I am still tired from the weekend. It was okay, except for Saturday evening. Went out to dinner, it was nice and my friend was over that day, we had a good time and went to a really purple bar that was way dirty and it was a total dive, but we had to go in there cuz it was purple...anyways, around 1:30am our neighbors started fighting, really loud, we heard yelling and stuff, then about 5 cars come zooming (speeding) down the road honking their horns. About 20 mexican young adults (probably 20-22 year olds) and a couple white girls are all outside, yelling, the guys are fighting, it is freakin me out. My boyfriend called the cops and they were there in about 90 seconds (a minute and a half). I guess that is one good thing about living in a small town where the cops are bored! Haa haa...well turns out there was this dance at the convention center and I'm sure someone looked at someone's girl and that was mixed with alcohol and emotions raged and fights began, but DAMN did they have to do it at home, why couldn't they fight in town so I could sleep damnit! (selfish much!)
So yeah, that was my weekend's excitement. Work has been, well work. I don't want to be here, but I don't want to be home either. I think I need a vacation. The weather's been so dark, rainy, snowy, hailing, and cold lately and I am so sick of it. I want some sunshine. However last night we did barely beat the rain and had the first barbeque of the season, damn it was good too. Just when I think I am getting happy I start feeling depressed again. I think some of it may be provoked by my dreams. Last night and the night before I had some scary ass fucked up dreams, death, killers, cannibals, etc...psychotic stuff. Well last night in my dream I also remember talking to a co-worker at the post office and we were discussing marriage cuz she just got married. Well I said I don't think that my boyfriend will ever marry me, and we'll never have kids and how I really do want them (at least one), and well that made me really sad in my dream. Even when I woke up I was pretty sad, now I am sad thinking about it again. WTF is wrong with me.
I want to be Happy and have the sunshine on me. I think I will get back to work though since I am here, maybe that will occupy my mind. Hope ya'll have a good day!
I know how you feel sweetie. I didn\'t think Shane would ever marry me either....So I sat him down & talked to him about it. I was right, but because he was upfront about it, I was able to deal with the sadness & move on (kinda). I still get sad & wonder sometimes what it would\'ve been like, but I\'d rather be unmarried & with him then married without him. I guess what I\'m trying to say is, talk to your man & see how he feels about everything, then you can deal with it & move on either with him or without.
Love ya tons sugar...Hope your day gets better,
~Teri~ xoxoxoxoxo
*grins*
I know that right now things are kinda lookin gray for you, but just hang in there. I think once the weather changes and you\'re able to wear summer clothes, spend lots of time outdoors [cause you\'re an outdoorsy girl like me], you\'ll be a lot better. I have seasonal depression. You might wanna check into that - you might have it too. It\'s where you have to have the UV rays from the sun to keep you feeling healthy and happy. How do I manage to help myself with that? By going to the cancer box of course [tanning bed]. It\'s cheaper than meds and it helps. *shrug* Makes me feel better mentally.
As far as your dreams, sometimes they don\'t literally mean what you think they do. We all know you want to get married and have babies, but it\'ll come at the right time for you. :) Just enjoy what you have right now darlin. You\'re doin great for yourself. Schedule yourself a vacation or something. :) Don\'t work so hard that you forget to enjoy life. =]
love you darlin
Shel